EnbyFitness
Well-known member
Boxer
Pronouns: they/them
Posts: 60
Pronouns: they/themPosts: 60
"doing grad school and getting buff"
Hi all,
When something big happens to me, I skip a page in my bullet journal to symbolize starting fresh. A lot's been going on these past few weeks, so I felt it was appropriate to start a new forum in the same vein.
Folks--I've been stressed out. This may have something to do with the fact that I ran out of antidepressants about a week ago and my body's freaking out, but there are external things going on, too. Namely, I was terminated from my new internship. It happened very abruptly, and for a long time I couldn't figure out why, and being in the dark on that was scary. Thursday, the school informed me that I hadn't done enough work at that internship, and because of my very severe ADHD that I am still learning to manage, they would not place me in another online internship--it doesn't suit me. I think they may be right, except now my graduation is delayed by at least another semester. I have a friend who works in a local inpatient behavioral health center who is looking for interns, and I hope that works out--if not, I might be delayed even longer.
I've been trying not to skip exercise, but it's hard. It's hard when I can't sleep at night and I'm not on antidepressants so I don't have the energy. (People who say depressed people should just exercise are... unhelpful, to say the least.) I'm still doing my best to take care of myself, but it's been extra difficult. I'm still doing the 5K program, but when I have no energy to run I stay in and do something at home instead. I also started the new Totals program, so even if I do skip a morning I still try to get it in here and there. I see my psychiatrist on Monday, so I hope that helps.
That being said, in the midst of all of this, I seem to be rediscovering my passion for both reading and creative writing. I write some pretty, uh, weird things, some of which might make me unhireable as a future social worker, but they're good. Writing might be the one thing I've always been cocky about, actually. So I started a new Google account with a pen name and have started, for the first time in my life, actually working on getting one of my short stories published. It's scary in a lot of ways, but I'm also deeply hopeful. I'm not going to drop out of school and become an artist (I thought about it for a minute, trust me) because I do need money and I also love helping people, both of which social work guarantees. I'm determined to finish this degree no matter how long it takes me. But writing has always been my first passion, so I'm happy to work on that, too.
Some other things of note:
Okay, enough sentimentality. I'm going to go shower and have sushi with a friend, and maybe go for a walk later. I'll keep ya'll updated. For now, wish me luck with everything going on, and if it's okay to ask with you, please send me some virtual hugs. I need some support right now. I wish everyone else the best with their own training, too. Stay strong!
When something big happens to me, I skip a page in my bullet journal to symbolize starting fresh. A lot's been going on these past few weeks, so I felt it was appropriate to start a new forum in the same vein.
Folks--I've been stressed out. This may have something to do with the fact that I ran out of antidepressants about a week ago and my body's freaking out, but there are external things going on, too. Namely, I was terminated from my new internship. It happened very abruptly, and for a long time I couldn't figure out why, and being in the dark on that was scary. Thursday, the school informed me that I hadn't done enough work at that internship, and because of my very severe ADHD that I am still learning to manage, they would not place me in another online internship--it doesn't suit me. I think they may be right, except now my graduation is delayed by at least another semester. I have a friend who works in a local inpatient behavioral health center who is looking for interns, and I hope that works out--if not, I might be delayed even longer.
I've been trying not to skip exercise, but it's hard. It's hard when I can't sleep at night and I'm not on antidepressants so I don't have the energy. (People who say depressed people should just exercise are... unhelpful, to say the least.) I'm still doing my best to take care of myself, but it's been extra difficult. I'm still doing the 5K program, but when I have no energy to run I stay in and do something at home instead. I also started the new Totals program, so even if I do skip a morning I still try to get it in here and there. I see my psychiatrist on Monday, so I hope that helps.
That being said, in the midst of all of this, I seem to be rediscovering my passion for both reading and creative writing. I write some pretty, uh, weird things, some of which might make me unhireable as a future social worker, but they're good. Writing might be the one thing I've always been cocky about, actually. So I started a new Google account with a pen name and have started, for the first time in my life, actually working on getting one of my short stories published. It's scary in a lot of ways, but I'm also deeply hopeful. I'm not going to drop out of school and become an artist (I thought about it for a minute, trust me) because I do need money and I also love helping people, both of which social work guarantees. I'm determined to finish this degree no matter how long it takes me. But writing has always been my first passion, so I'm happy to work on that, too.
Some other things of note:
- I've been meditating every night. I finished the 1 minute meditation challenge and I'm over a week away from finishing the bigger one. I think I might print out and start the Zen program next--having the meditation being timed like this seems to really work for me.
- I also, though I do not complete the challenges, drink water first thing every morning, give myself a hug after I take my meds (currently only my Ritalin), and write down what I'm thankful for and what I've accomplished every evening, and go to bed on time. These routines seem to help me regulate a lot.
- When I started the 5K program, I couldn't run for a minute straight without stopping and gasping for air and feeling like I would just die on the spot. I'm currently halfway through, and even though I've been skipping days, I am still proud to say that I can now run for around six minutes before that feeling comes to get me. I do feel like people stare at me at the apartment gym when I'm doing it on the treadmill because I am just PANTING for air but I try not to care. I'm very proud of myself.
- My partner said I have abs now. I definitely do not have a six pack or anything, but he said he can feel the muscle being tighter underneath, which is super cool. The 5K program has also improved my appetite, and I have gained some weight, which was a big goal of mine. Despite everything going on in my life, I'm the healthiest I've ever been. I was a super weak kid and was always picked last during PE, so I'm extra happy with myself because I worked super hard to get here. It did not come easy for me: yet, here I am.
Okay, enough sentimentality. I'm going to go shower and have sushi with a friend, and maybe go for a walk later. I'll keep ya'll updated. For now, wish me luck with everything going on, and if it's okay to ask with you, please send me some virtual hugs. I need some support right now. I wish everyone else the best with their own training, too. Stay strong!
from
a virtual hug for you. I applaud you for keeping it up. If no one has said it so far let me: I am proud of you.
It's wild how much of a difference those make in my life. I'm don't spiral into anxiety or get irritable over little things anymore. Life is okay.
Then I couldn't (didn't?) exercise because me and my partner went to Puerto Rico to spread his mom's ashes. It was a bittersweet trip in which I got sunburnt, hung out at the hotel pool, ate way too many plantains and spent time with my partner's extended family. They were all extremely lovely and made me feel welcome, even encouraging my poor Spanish skills. Even though I didn't exercise per se we spent a lot of time walking around and playing around in the pool, so I'm okay with not working out.