Victory? or just guilty?

[AquaMarie]

Hi Bees!

So, I started the Counting Victories Challenge about a two weeks ago after a conversation with my therapist. I have a hard time bouncing back from minor stressors, and I usually feel like I'm not enough - doing enough, good enough, etc. Her recommendation was to actually write down the accomplishments in my life for a while so I can see my progress and gain some resilience. Sounded like the CV Challenge to me.

I'm having a tough time, though. Not in finding victories, but in feeling, well, victorious about them. Mostly I just feel guilty - that I put something off for so long, that I thought something so simple was such a big deal, that I don't do anything to really call a 'victory' (I'm boring). Looking back at my list doesn't inspire any pride or confidence - mostly just annoyance and guilt.

Has anyone else experienced this? Were you able to start feeling good about your victories later on? Part of me wants to throw in the towel and look for another technique to help my resilience, but maybe I'm just being impatient.

I appreciate any thoughts or experiences you'd like to share! Have a great day, Bees!

 

[Fremen]

Victories and gratitude go hand in hand for me.
Thinking, remembering and explicitly saying thank you helps me realize how many things are going well in my life and this changes my perspective a lot.
I count the small victories, precisely because the big ones for my character tend to be too few and not important enough, so I count the small victories of every day, really small things but that I have really done
I think it takes time, a long time to feel enough and to be grateful, the society we live in doesn't teach us this and actually takes us in a completely different direction.
Joking with myself sometimes I tell myself that I really had the choice and made a difference only from the age of 45 onwards, so by the time I'm 90 I'll be even

 

[guibo94]

Maybe you can brainstorm ideas that define what a victory actually means to you. Are there different types or categories? Can some victories feel better than others? What is different about the victories that feel good compared to the ones that feel arbitrary? What makes you feel good?

Expectations play a big role in resilience also. Sometimes preparing or practicing disappointment (and elation) can help manage strong emotional responses. Here is an example. Let's just say that John Doe hates surprise parties. He always gets angry and ends up yelling and making scene. What would happen if his co-workers surprised him with a birthday party? He would rage out, right? BUT, what if he knew about the surprise party? It would be just another party. He could prepare for his anger and rage much more effectively and probably have a much better experience at the "surprise" party. Over time he may even learn how to enjoy them. Long story short, preparing for bad news (and good news) before the experience happens can help take the "surprise" element out of stressful situations making it easier to manage when the moment happens.

I use this little exercise all the time when I have to do things I don't like or if I have strong opinions/emotional responses to things. When I am conscious about something terrible and accept that it is going to happen, it some how makes it less terrible when it actually happens. It takes the unknown/surprise element away and makes it more predictable which helps me get through things easier.

Good luck with the victories!

 

[AquaMarie]

@Fremen @guibo94 Thank you for your responses!

I recently read a fantastic explanation of different types of self-care, and looking back at my victories I realized that the ones I felt best about all fit into some category of self-care. So I think going forward my Counting Victories challenge is going to focus on the self-care victories I have each day, and trying to make sure I spread my efforts across all the different kinds of self-care. A gratitude practice is an excellent part of spiritual and emotional self-care, so I'm going to try to incorporate that into my life a bit more, as well.

Thanks again for the advice, y'all!