Eating to stop panic attacks? (hard read)

Aldethar

Aldethar

Well-known member
Ranger from South Africa
Pronouns: He/Him
Posts: 136
First off I want to say that it took me a long time to actually start to write this.

Not sure why, but mainly it is feelings of inadequacy as well as that I dont want to bother anyone with my problems. In the end I decided to write it cause in the very least I can put my feelings down.

I have a major love hate relationship with food. I love eating, but hate the health issues that accompany large amounts of unhealthy food. I tried various diets, some work better than others, but non last.

If this post doesnt make sense I do apologies, but I will just write as feelings and thoughts come to mind.

I have had depression since my divorce to a rather interesting individual for 8 years. After the divorce I went for therapy as well as anti depressants. It was a rough few months with my lowest moment during that period being me sitting in my car at a park with a big pond, getting pretty much drunk and wanting to take muscle relaxants and go for a swim, Not my proudest moment, but it is sadly something that did happen.

The divorce finalized around 6 years ago, and sadly the scars sometimes reappear. There are days that out of the blue I feel hopeless. Hopeless to such an extent that if I am cutting onions for example, and a single piece fell to the ground, I would break down and cry.

The issue is that food has been my go to when it comes to that. And it has now gotten to the point that food cravings more or less trigger those episodes. I am not sure which one is the cause and which one is the effect, but I notice that I often have these 2 at the same time.

Right now I am craving something and I can feel a panic attack arising, and I am feeling more and more hopeless and I know that if I eat something that feeling will go away... but then I feel bad as I once again ate something unhealthy.

I am not even sure why I wrote this, but most likely just to get these thoughts finally down on paper, or screen in this case.
 
Saffity

Saffity

Well-known member
Scout from Southern Ontario, Canada
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 267
"Getting strong enough to keep two tiny humans from unaliving themselves."
You wrote this because it helped. Getting it out of you and somewhere that you can re-read it when the feelings aren't so high can help you look at it from a different perspective. Trauma of any sort is incredibly hard to deal with and does take time. I'm so proud of the fact that you were able to move beyond that worst moment and are still here to be a Bee and part of our Hive.

I've been there with anxiety and panic attacks, and I know you may not be looking for someone to offer suggestions or solutions, so please feel free to ignore the rest of what I write.

The biggest thing I can say about this is that, it's not all or nothing. Much like healing with the help of a therapist for your emotional needs is taking a while, healing some... maybe not so great habits, takes a while too.

I had severe trauma growing up and can only really say I have my feet decently under me now that I'm in my 40s. Food was a huge factor with that too. Making small changes that you can forgive yourself for if you don't stay 100% perfect on them is a good way to start. Forbidding yourself something, anything, just sets yourself up for failure and puts you in the "rebel, guilt" spiral.

So, if food helps you deal with a panic attack (and other methods for regrounding don't help, link for example), see if you can change the food or shrink the amount needed. If you want to absolutely demolish a package of cookies, could that be changed to some sort of fruit or some dark chocolate? Or could you make it only half a package?

Responding to those cravings aren't bad, especially if it brings you back up to a place of being functional. Sometimes, it's better to focus on one part of the healing process, and allow another area to not be perfect in order to inch back up that hill to balance.
 
Aldethar

Aldethar

Well-known member
Ranger from South Africa
Pronouns: He/Him
Posts: 136
@JohnStrong Sadly most of those things are in the states, not where I stay.

But I will look for something similar over here, if not maybe see someone specializing in eating disorders.
 
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