Help_Me

Posts: 10

I’m Screwed Up

I feel so screwed up. I’m not making any progress when it comes to health and fitness. So much that I can just cry not enjoying that I’m alive anymore. It’s so hard to get in shape and resist eating junk food in my house that I’m used to eating. That too late at night or early in the morning binge eating. Last night I screwed up at first trying to resist and then binge eating. Not sleeping at all. Something that I always struggle with every night. During the day, both my parents were onto me especially my mom. I feel so defeated in life and hate living my life. I’m not enjoying working out anymore. I keep looking at sources including from famous people. I’m so defeated that I don’t know what else to add. I hate my personal life and everything. Nothing is going right for me. This is so difficult. I need to cry. I’m done. I have no routine. I can’t control myself when I’m alone late at night. I’m so lost. I’m so fed up of seeing my dad always sick because he wants to smoke even though he had suffered a silent heart attack in December of 2017 and had quit in between but my mom always suspects him smoking again for quite some time now. I have two younger brothers with both that have Autism. I’m such a failure at life that I don’t think I can carry on being the normal child to my parents. Even when I post and read about the Quran and the Sunnah in Islam, we are encouraged to take care of ourselves. There are also times like just yesterday where one of the pages I follow on Instagram when it comes to my religion of Islam especially of a specific comment of himself which brought to me tears. I’m in tears now after recalling and commenting all this here. I’m such a failure. It’s so hard for me to workout. I don’t know or think that I can do this any longer. Vince McMahon was right. Life sucks and then you die.
 

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They are just ideas, choose something and try, even just by trying you become aware that you have the strength to try and sometimes you can do it, other times you can't but you will always have the strength sooner or later to try again :)
 
I think @Fremen is right you need to be kind with yourself. But binge eating is hard and maybe you need some help with it. Your situation is hard too, with 2 brothers with Autism, and you have a lot in your plate. Maybe writing in your journal when you "want or need" to eat could help. Maybe you could create a specific post here to discuss about it. But you are not alone, you need and deserve to take care of yourself and feel better.
 
I'm sorry for everything that is happening, as they say @Fremen and @graoumia maybe you should start with small steps, even if they seem very small steps are a step forward, getting rid of habits ingrained for years is very hard and only overcome with desire and small steps, think that every step is a victory. And those victories will give you more and more strength to continue. Cheer up, don't stop. A big hug and all my strength for you and your cause.
 
Thank you for all the love and support. If something like this happens where I’m gone for some time, it’s because I have or I had lost motivation and discipline and/or a lot of things happening in my life so I’m sorry. I turned 26 on Friday the 13th.
 
Happy belated birthday. You can gain discipline and motivation again, you just have to be kind with yourself and patient, every step counts. Take care
 
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