from
Plot Twist!
I'm back! Not back here again, I'm completely new to this site.
It's still covered in sparkles and a white powdery substance that I'm hoping is just creatine that I shook loose in my landing....
I AM back to chasing my goal though.
I hit the ground running in October of 2025 and was doing fantastic until I popped an injury in the gym. It's been recovery and setbacks followed by more recovery and last month I was cleared to get back into the groove of things.... but then I didn't.
So here's the story, I've got about 92 more lbs to go. My early goal is 170lbs. If I reach that and want to continue loosing I will if not it will be maintenance until I have the will to fight again. I have been overweight my entire life and not to be dramatic or anything but I always said if I reached 300lbs I'd just give up on life. I've hit rock bottom a dozen times, suicide was a real plot point in my future that felt inevitable. I was just waiting life out, I actually hit a point where I was ready to go, paid in advance for cremation and was getting rid of my belongings. Then my grandpa asked me to help with a sick kitten. So I put it off till the scrap of fur could get better, and then I put it off again to find her a home and then the first person I found for her ended up being a terrible human being and I didn't trust anyone with her after that.
Yeah, a kitten saved my life. (Yeah this is bare bones backstory, y'all dont need to know everything)
I wasn't completely out of the boat but Dia (The cat) kept me floating long enough to find the will to live again but life was still stupidly hard for years. Religion really helped, finding my husband did too and my mental health has gotten so much better. There were more ups and downs and I could go over my whole sob story but it doesn't change anything... I used to wallow in it. The past used to suck me down like the Swamp of Sadness and drain all my willpower but something snapped and I'm over it. That Hioni of the past was weak willed and it sounds callous but I'm sick of her. I have tried the 'give yourself grace' and 'be kind to yourself and heal' stuff and it hasn't worked. I've probably also tried a few dozen times to slim down or figure out why I just keep ballooning but without insurance it was always shooting in the dark. I'm not mad at the version of myself that pulled herself out of the ditch and chose to live, I'm mad at the version that came afterwards who did nothing with that choice.
Last October I saw the scale brush against 300 and was reminded of my old promise to myself before I got my head on straight. I don't want to die. I've survived so much, I want to have kids, I want to be able to play with them. I want us all to be happy and healthy I'm in my mid 30's y'all, we're constantly told our eggs are just vanishing at a stupid rate in our 30's. I got mad.
I decided murder was an okay solution. If the old Hioni wanted to die, I'll just set her on fire.
From October to January I lost 33 lbs. I committed to a keto lifestyle as far as the kitchen goes and I joined a gym in November. I worked with a personal trainer to learn my way around the gym, he showed many alternative forms to keep me moving when my body refused to do something. All was going well. Towards the end of January my leg snapped sideways on the assisted pull up machine.
Hioni, how do you injure your leg on a pull up machine?
Heck if I know, but I did it. I was determined to finish my exercise session though so I cried for a lil bit in the gym bathroom and then got on the treadmill to walk it off. I was in pain, but I've always been in pain a lil bit so I didn't think much of it. My knee used to dislocate all the time, it was basically a party trick at this point. (Yeah, I know thats not normal NOW.) I figured that was what had happened and just went home from there.
The next morning my leg wouldn't hold my weight at all. It was almost a month before my doctor could see me. I got around with crutches and by gritting my teeth. I kept going to the gym 3-4 times a week although I was no longer cooking my own food. Bless his heart, I love my husband dearly but he measures with whimsy and love but not his brain when it comes to the kitchen. Delicious but the keto went out the window with him in charge of the kitchen. I finally see the pcp, she's like, "Yeah that doesn't look right." so she sends me in for imaging. The next day I get a call and she wants to see me immediately and there's a weird edge to her voice. I take the next day off work and go in. She tells me I might need an entire knee replacement, my ACL completely severed. In fact, she can't find it at all and doesn't know where it's at so she's going to "send me to a specialist because what the actual f#ck!?" she's young, slightly unprofessional but I respect her honesty. I was to halt all gym activity at once, she was actually kinda mad that I was still going to the gym during all this even if I was focusing on upper body and core. I think she was more upset that she couldn't explain how I was walking.
The next week, at the specialist, I hobbled in with my crutch and the support wrap on my knee and I was able to walk out without assistance.
This is where the Plot Twist comes in.
My ACL tear was apparently not the problem. The specialist was a short, dragon of an older woman with a no-nonsense attitude and ice cold hands. She looked at my charts, made a dismissive noise, looked at the imaging and harrumphed and muttered something under her breath. She came over to me and said, "You're going to feel a small pull" and she didn't give me a chance or warning as she took my leg by the back of the ankle, braced the side of my leg with her arm and pushed my knee as she suddenly twisted and snapped something back into place. It hurt like hell. I may have called her a choice few words and then thanked her because the pain release was amazing. She explained it to me and why my pcp missed it. It's mostly still all over my head but my tibia was twisted forward a bit, just enough to not support my weight but not enough to appear as a dislocation unless a full imaging is done. My walking around on it didn't help anything, my poor meniscus looked like shredded chicken. Turns out, my ACL tear is an injury from childhood, it explained why I haven't been able to do a lot and why my leg just randomly gave out on me so much. So yeah, I dislocated my knee and my PCP discovered I have no ACL and panicked. It was a lot of noise over a small thing that could have been corrected sooner. Without getting into the drama of how it happened in my childhood and why it was never corrected.... we now had a recovery plan! In the long term I will need a full replacement but insurance wont cover it till I'm ancient and so, physical therapy was the winner!
Basically this year I had to re-learn how to walk, fix issues the cropped up due to over correction, and do my best to stay in my caloric threshold. I managed to keep most of the weight that I've lost off, it's fluctuated up and down a bit with me being out of the gym and off my feet but I've buckled back down now that I'm cleared from Physical Therapy. I have many new tools in my belt and knowledge about my body that I didn't have before. I was cleared a month ago! So exciting!
I stayed on the couch. There's some old saying that a body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest. I had gotten complacent very quickly and it felt like there was a petulant toddler inside me that wanted sugar and to play video games all day. Right now I'm giving myself a lil grace as I fight the keto flu because I chomped back down on that this past week. Why Keto? I'm not fighting anyone on this, I did the research and decided it was the best choice for me and my dietary needs. It clearly works well for me so long as I don't push my knee to failure and try to climb something again. I thrived on it, I feel better, I don't crave sugar and my energy stayed stable while on it. It's harder when you're social but Ive scheduled refeeds around social events and consume healthy carbs rather than chugging milkshakes and dopamine dreams. I'm not incredibly social, but my job requires it and I'm actually very involved with the military spouse group where we live. I feel weirdly responsible for the younger wives who weren't ready for the deployments and suddenly being alone across the country from everyone they know, so I host book clubs and work with command to host small events to engage and check in on them. Community is important. Annoying sometimes, but important. Having healthy foods while a bunch of women you barely know are crying on your couch watching The Notebook is also important. You'd never guess I was an introvert with a tiny social battery.
I feel like I went off on a tangent? Anyways, I like accountability and since Fitness Pal got rid of their old feed and community boards where I used to post back in the day.... and my old discord group has apparently died. A friend knowing I was looking for a forum or active community sent me a video about this site and here I am. I'll post my thoughts, wins and struggles here on this thread I guess. Sorry the intro is so long, I'm chatty today.
Next step is getting allergy panels done at some point because I also recently discovered carrots aren't spicy to other people. :/ Did anyone else learn they were allergic or sensitive to a food in their mid 30's?
It's still covered in sparkles and a white powdery substance that I'm hoping is just creatine that I shook loose in my landing....
I AM back to chasing my goal though.
I hit the ground running in October of 2025 and was doing fantastic until I popped an injury in the gym. It's been recovery and setbacks followed by more recovery and last month I was cleared to get back into the groove of things.... but then I didn't.
So here's the story, I've got about 92 more lbs to go. My early goal is 170lbs. If I reach that and want to continue loosing I will if not it will be maintenance until I have the will to fight again. I have been overweight my entire life and not to be dramatic or anything but I always said if I reached 300lbs I'd just give up on life. I've hit rock bottom a dozen times, suicide was a real plot point in my future that felt inevitable. I was just waiting life out, I actually hit a point where I was ready to go, paid in advance for cremation and was getting rid of my belongings. Then my grandpa asked me to help with a sick kitten. So I put it off till the scrap of fur could get better, and then I put it off again to find her a home and then the first person I found for her ended up being a terrible human being and I didn't trust anyone with her after that.
Yeah, a kitten saved my life. (Yeah this is bare bones backstory, y'all dont need to know everything)
I wasn't completely out of the boat but Dia (The cat) kept me floating long enough to find the will to live again but life was still stupidly hard for years. Religion really helped, finding my husband did too and my mental health has gotten so much better. There were more ups and downs and I could go over my whole sob story but it doesn't change anything... I used to wallow in it. The past used to suck me down like the Swamp of Sadness and drain all my willpower but something snapped and I'm over it. That Hioni of the past was weak willed and it sounds callous but I'm sick of her. I have tried the 'give yourself grace' and 'be kind to yourself and heal' stuff and it hasn't worked. I've probably also tried a few dozen times to slim down or figure out why I just keep ballooning but without insurance it was always shooting in the dark. I'm not mad at the version of myself that pulled herself out of the ditch and chose to live, I'm mad at the version that came afterwards who did nothing with that choice.
Last October I saw the scale brush against 300 and was reminded of my old promise to myself before I got my head on straight. I don't want to die. I've survived so much, I want to have kids, I want to be able to play with them. I want us all to be happy and healthy I'm in my mid 30's y'all, we're constantly told our eggs are just vanishing at a stupid rate in our 30's. I got mad.
I decided murder was an okay solution. If the old Hioni wanted to die, I'll just set her on fire.
From October to January I lost 33 lbs. I committed to a keto lifestyle as far as the kitchen goes and I joined a gym in November. I worked with a personal trainer to learn my way around the gym, he showed many alternative forms to keep me moving when my body refused to do something. All was going well. Towards the end of January my leg snapped sideways on the assisted pull up machine.
Hioni, how do you injure your leg on a pull up machine?
Heck if I know, but I did it. I was determined to finish my exercise session though so I cried for a lil bit in the gym bathroom and then got on the treadmill to walk it off. I was in pain, but I've always been in pain a lil bit so I didn't think much of it. My knee used to dislocate all the time, it was basically a party trick at this point. (Yeah, I know thats not normal NOW.) I figured that was what had happened and just went home from there.
The next morning my leg wouldn't hold my weight at all. It was almost a month before my doctor could see me. I got around with crutches and by gritting my teeth. I kept going to the gym 3-4 times a week although I was no longer cooking my own food. Bless his heart, I love my husband dearly but he measures with whimsy and love but not his brain when it comes to the kitchen. Delicious but the keto went out the window with him in charge of the kitchen. I finally see the pcp, she's like, "Yeah that doesn't look right." so she sends me in for imaging. The next day I get a call and she wants to see me immediately and there's a weird edge to her voice. I take the next day off work and go in. She tells me I might need an entire knee replacement, my ACL completely severed. In fact, she can't find it at all and doesn't know where it's at so she's going to "send me to a specialist because what the actual f#ck!?" she's young, slightly unprofessional but I respect her honesty. I was to halt all gym activity at once, she was actually kinda mad that I was still going to the gym during all this even if I was focusing on upper body and core. I think she was more upset that she couldn't explain how I was walking.
The next week, at the specialist, I hobbled in with my crutch and the support wrap on my knee and I was able to walk out without assistance.
This is where the Plot Twist comes in.
My ACL tear was apparently not the problem. The specialist was a short, dragon of an older woman with a no-nonsense attitude and ice cold hands. She looked at my charts, made a dismissive noise, looked at the imaging and harrumphed and muttered something under her breath. She came over to me and said, "You're going to feel a small pull" and she didn't give me a chance or warning as she took my leg by the back of the ankle, braced the side of my leg with her arm and pushed my knee as she suddenly twisted and snapped something back into place. It hurt like hell. I may have called her a choice few words and then thanked her because the pain release was amazing. She explained it to me and why my pcp missed it. It's mostly still all over my head but my tibia was twisted forward a bit, just enough to not support my weight but not enough to appear as a dislocation unless a full imaging is done. My walking around on it didn't help anything, my poor meniscus looked like shredded chicken. Turns out, my ACL tear is an injury from childhood, it explained why I haven't been able to do a lot and why my leg just randomly gave out on me so much. So yeah, I dislocated my knee and my PCP discovered I have no ACL and panicked. It was a lot of noise over a small thing that could have been corrected sooner. Without getting into the drama of how it happened in my childhood and why it was never corrected.... we now had a recovery plan! In the long term I will need a full replacement but insurance wont cover it till I'm ancient and so, physical therapy was the winner!
Basically this year I had to re-learn how to walk, fix issues the cropped up due to over correction, and do my best to stay in my caloric threshold. I managed to keep most of the weight that I've lost off, it's fluctuated up and down a bit with me being out of the gym and off my feet but I've buckled back down now that I'm cleared from Physical Therapy. I have many new tools in my belt and knowledge about my body that I didn't have before. I was cleared a month ago! So exciting!
I stayed on the couch. There's some old saying that a body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest. I had gotten complacent very quickly and it felt like there was a petulant toddler inside me that wanted sugar and to play video games all day. Right now I'm giving myself a lil grace as I fight the keto flu because I chomped back down on that this past week. Why Keto? I'm not fighting anyone on this, I did the research and decided it was the best choice for me and my dietary needs. It clearly works well for me so long as I don't push my knee to failure and try to climb something again. I thrived on it, I feel better, I don't crave sugar and my energy stayed stable while on it. It's harder when you're social but Ive scheduled refeeds around social events and consume healthy carbs rather than chugging milkshakes and dopamine dreams. I'm not incredibly social, but my job requires it and I'm actually very involved with the military spouse group where we live. I feel weirdly responsible for the younger wives who weren't ready for the deployments and suddenly being alone across the country from everyone they know, so I host book clubs and work with command to host small events to engage and check in on them. Community is important. Annoying sometimes, but important. Having healthy foods while a bunch of women you barely know are crying on your couch watching The Notebook is also important. You'd never guess I was an introvert with a tiny social battery.
I feel like I went off on a tangent? Anyways, I like accountability and since Fitness Pal got rid of their old feed and community boards where I used to post back in the day.... and my old discord group has apparently died. A friend knowing I was looking for a forum or active community sent me a video about this site and here I am. I'll post my thoughts, wins and struggles here on this thread I guess. Sorry the intro is so long, I'm chatty today.
Next step is getting allergy panels done at some point because I also recently discovered carrots aren't spicy to other people. :/ Did anyone else learn they were allergic or sensitive to a food in their mid 30's?
Welcome aboard. We will be happy to cheer you on!
