The Paragon Path Towards An Epic Destiny

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
Things got messy in D&D today. The session went into things that left all of us confused. Our DM pretty much made our actions turn meaningless, and this time we called him out on it. We had a sit down post-session that lasted for two hours in which the DM, thankfully, took note of all of his mistakes, and laid upon us his true intentions: on one hand, he wants to make a challenge for our characters, but on the other hand, he handwaves off all of the tools we have to overcome those challenges. This wasn't a problem with 5e, but rather a problem with him in particular. We had our chance to use 20th-level characters at one point, one of them being a Cleric, and he handwaved off a Divine Intervention in such a way that didn't make sense lore-wise. Once again, this is my world, and Gods in this world aren't powerless individuals. He created his own pantheon, but his pantheon not only wasn't aligned with things in my world, but also wasn't as powerful as the Gods in this world, and he told us that a while ago, so it didn't made sense for a Divine Intervention to work as an one-off thing when the Cleric especifically asked for an NPC to be protected by all means possible from that threat. It was a desperate call that wasn't received by one, but twelve Gods, with one of them literally using his shield to prevent any contact. The way he ended things got the other player to call him out on the bullsh*t because none of what happened mattered.

Which then landed to the type of game he wants. He wanted to give us a Cosmic Horror game, which frankly, within D&D it is possible, but this universe can't. We already played it here, and we all know this is a grimdark universe focused mainly on epic fantasy elements, political intrigue, and hard sci-fi. The Cosmic Horror feel he's trying to give us falls flat on its attempt because there's only one character in the party who might go insane from it. The rest wouldn't. One already knows what's he's facing, another one is actually too determined to fight it (and has a Vestige within her), and the last one is just too dumb to even process the disturbing things. Had it been a low-level party, of a bunch of commoners who do have everything to lose, might work, but we're at 11th-level. My girl is a war veteran; that's how she got the Vestige that gave her the Clerical powers in the first place. And the 20th-level characters we played? Guess what: they were our first party. They faced the horrors of a God, and quite literally, killed that same God... Twice! They even got to know the real origins of the world, which is where the hard sci-fi elements get in. I had to give him a breakdown of everything that went on the table as a refresher. Not only that, but the Cleric that accompanied them, who was a Paladin in life and got a class change after death, was a Dhampir who lived for four millenia, and he was there, when that God got defeated by his own faction exactly four thousand years before the events of the very first campaign. Any horror from Shadowfell won't faze him. He said at one point that he's already seen everything.

His story can be salvageable. He is just railroading because he thinks we're ruining his plans for our heroes to be, well, heroes, but honestly we're not. The Cleric, which was under my control because he was a major NPC in our first campaign, requested the Gods to give him an army to storm Shadowfell. That's a decision that made sense, but the DM really didn't want that to happen because he thought that'll just ruin the campaign. I told him just don't make it ruin it! Is not a campaign ender. His job will just make life easier for the main party because there's unseen things happening. In fact, that's how the end of our first campaign begun: when we arrived to the last city, there was already a battle going on, and people fought hard, which was easy for our characters to storm in and find the last dungeon, with them being the only ones who got inside and went through the last challenge. It also brings a chance for character development since one of our party hates the Cleric, but this could be a poignant moment for that.

The other player also suggested to give that character an even larger purpose: say that the final boss must be killed by someone from his bloodline who is still alive, and he is the last. It's the same purpose as to why my character is there too: she is there because, in order to ascend to Godhood, she must either kill, or be around the essence of a dead God, and absorb that essence, but she must have done something to kill that God. I already established that Gods don't truly die unless an extra effort is put. Our Druid, from our first campaign, was trapped in a Groundhog Day loop because she had the Vestige of the Final Boss within her all the time, and it wasn't until we killed the real God that we stopped the loop from happening, saving her immediately. That concept has already been established, thus my character also carries a Vestige, but this one is from a Neutral God rather than an Evil one. In any case, even though we spoiled ourselves with so many things, we had to stop the DM from railroading us and invalidating our choices because this time it was too evident that he clearly tried to do something that couldn't happen.

I took the chance to tell him about that faction he introduced. There's no way they could've survived in a world where geopolitcs are always at DEFCON 1 in the Urban Fantasy campaign. Just their presence alone posed too much of a red flag that it was going to be wiped out in less than five minutes. Not even a skin flake will remain.

Two whole hours, critiquing him from everything that's just wrong. We know that he gets the inspiration from Fear & Hunger, and he really likes Shadowfell, but he destroyed established basic truths from the universe, introduced a flavor that won't work with experienced characters who have way too much of iron wills whether it is due to experience, determination, or lack of intelligence (instead, it will just drive them further to fight), and it doesn't have any place here as of yet when the themes are more about overcoming the odds, living under an oppresive and hostile zeitgeist, underdogs becoming heroes, generations destined to pull off amazing odds, and legends being born out of nothing. It's a world where the commoner can become part of the mythos, as it happened during its origins, and I recalled those because we met those four legends at the end of our Planescape mini-campaign. I mean, I don't get the DM either. His second character on the first campaign (his first one died) was a Monk who literally kicked the God we fought right in the nuts, and lived to tell the tale, a God that took three different parties to defeat accross different times, with one of those parties fighting him twice. He made him coward against what we agreed was a false God, again, under the pretense of selling us Cosmic Horror, and that really bugged me because that Monk was the one who survived it all, alongside our Wizard who nearly sacrificed himself and reality with all of us, and he carried the dead bodies of the fallen out of that dungeon for proper burial. Once again, they've all seen everything. What would make him coward 27 years later? A false God less powerful than the one he kicked the nuts of? It doesn't make any sense.

He ended up agreeing into removing the Cosmic Horror elements. I suggested him to reflavor them. We know that the Fear & Hunger dungeon has kinda like a life of its own, hence the Cosmic Horror part of it, but I suggested him to ditch that in the literal sense. Instead of the dungeon making people crazy, he should make the things that happen inside the dungeon making people go crazy. It's still the same, but it drops the Cosmic Horror element in favor of a Grimdark element, which is actually how the universe begun: as grimdark fantasy. The Gothic Horror elements all apply perfectly, but the Cosmic ones just don't. They stick out like a sore thumb. The same goes for the Urban Fantasy campaign. It was meant for slice-of-life stuff, with some fights against stuff like crazy Necromancers or the usual Revenant destroying things everywhere, something akin to VA-11 Hall-A where it is focused more in the daily life of someone under an oppresive environment rather than the fight to change the status quo itself because, as time goes on, the world gets closer to a Third World War. Again, everyone is at DEFCON 1 level of paranoia, and everyone is just waiting for someone to do something wrong. A nuclear strike was called on another country just because four teens disappeared, and they suddenly communicated from that country they've been kidnapped by people from there; that's how bad things are in that world!

The other player suggested to drop down everything that makes the BBEG a Deity when one of the Twelve Gods already called him out as a False God, and there's enough evidence and arguments for that to be true, with the main one being that Godhood is not something that anyone can attain, and all Gods have a certain origin. Younger Gods do exist, but these are only four; we've already met them, and we know they became Gods because the ones who are already Gods Ascended them to Godhood out of need, as I explained to him that the God we fought at the end of our first campaign was already weakened, thus he always returned unless we killed the source, which we did in our second fight, because He was weak enough to find his source. No one knows how to become a God except the Gods themselves, but only our first party know the process, and when they learned it from fragments of information, they saw that the information itself was both confused and horrified that one person managed to Ascend on their own (which is, of course, my Cleric, and I relayed this information because the DM wanted to know how was the process, so I did it this way), which made all Gods to feel extremely paranoid from it. The other player also suggested to amp up the BBEG faction instead of making them ridiculous idiots. Our DM meant them as psychos, but while they are as disturbing as Smileys are in Manhunt, they are just as erratic, and this is more my fault because I trained them to think outside the box in combat, so we all defeat them easily by thinking outside the box. The Manhunt comparison was good. The other player didn't play Manhunt, but I did, and so the DM. I told him to ditch the Smileys and use gangs like the Skinz, the Wardogs, or Cerberus. The Skinz are tough; they are spongy, big, and hit quite hard. They look dumb, but they have been programmed with a certain behavior: instead of going into combat with the player, they would just run away for more Skinz to join in, often having two or three coming against the player. Again, they are already spongy, so imagine having to deal with three spongy enemies in Manhunt when you're a glass cannon at best. Wardogs are war veterans and mercenaries, and they literally did one dumb thing at one point in the game just because they thought they could, but that's another subject. The truth is, due to being war veterans and mercenaries, they use quite a lot of military tactics. As for Cerberus, well, they are a highly trained tactical team, and are always in communication. He should study the behavior of those gangs instead of the Smileys because, at the end of the day, no matter how terrifying the Smileys are, they are just cannon fodder, especially when there's a war veteran in our party. "Think of Jojo's fights too. Don't use brawn, use brain. We all think outside of the box and that's because D&D is perfect for creative solutions," I said, and reminded him about that time I spammed Thaumaturgy which let us skip a fight, and also distract someone after one person failed a Stealth check. Imagine everything that you can do with just one Cantrip that's often ignored.

tl;dr, he took it all good. He wants to make things good, and recognized his many mistakes. We still reassured him that it is salvageable. He was going well, but when he went to the Cosmic Horror route, it just started to stop being fun, and it started to feel weird, like, we were playing a different type of game, but with characters that were meant to have their insanity drop, yet their minds were too resiliant for that? Once again, only one wouldl go insane. Two would just be determined, and the last one is just too dumb to even register what's going on. He did the Cosmic Horror thing one time, and it did work that time because it was built for it.

Anyway, I came home really late, so no Watch. I spent the night doing the 365 challenge, chores, and planning my week. At least I got some Burpees going on, and I just wrote all of that in one entire hour. I ranted a lot, but I just needed to get that off my cheest. Honestly? I'm just glad our DM isn't stubborn, and wants to make a good game. At least he understood that I had to wipe out his faction because it made sense in the Urban Fantasy world.

January 12th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:v: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 30 Squats +EC
Count: 1718 - 1714 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:x: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:x: 200 Burpees / :x: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
:x: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:x: DAREdice: Unrolled
:x: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:x: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:x: Standing Abs: Day 12
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 616 words in 37 minutes! (26/30)
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 616 words in 37 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :gstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :gstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
Quick housekeeping: I'll be working out with @Laura Rainbow Dragon later this week. I know I did 54 Burpees before, and I want to do them again, plus some exercises from the spreadsheet, but today and tomorrow will be hard for me to organize it.

With that done, I skipped the Watch. I'll be skipping Watch for a couple of nights this week, mostly due to mainly tomorrow being my appointment.

Few things with yesterday: I killed the list of 14 projects. I managed to axe it into two by doing the same thing that I did when creating my Values manifesto. I also killed my writing journal as I'm not using it, so I removed the pages I used, and put them aside because there's something in there. That notebook is something I'll use for writing. Yeah, I'm going traditional for a while because the more I go into the 365 challenge, the more I want to stay out of digital work. While it is true that it annoys me that I can't find good pens right now (the ones that I have only last me a month at best), I'll be going out tomorrow, after my appointment, to seek a box of ballpoint pens. Yeah, the 365 challenge helped me to get used to it. It's a permanent Hemingway method. I have tons of paper with me, and I cut plenty into A5 size because A5 is portable enough for me to carry everywhere. The 365 challenge also made unlock quite a lot of potential too. I'm nearly a month into it, and yesterday's story was quite interesting. I amped it up the longer I went into, and I'm just loving it. I also did it body doubling which was quite neat, even though it got me distracted because I went with someone that I'm not used to with.

All in all, things are going good. Part of me felt like I am doing completely nothing, that I'm not moving forward at all, but get this: it's been just a week since I started moving forward! The fact that I axed so many things in a single day is enough for me to know that's the first step into focused work, which is my word for this year: focused. Again, I wrote 245K in six months last year, but all of those words were scattered throughout many different things, and I think the majority lead nowhere. That's why I started the 365 challenge, and not only I'm feeling more confident on finishing stuff, but also I'm going traditional. Maybe it's the best way for me to write.

When mom came back from her holidays she brought me a notebook that I haven't found an use for, and I think I have one for now. I've been interested in opening a Substack for a while, and that notebook... I'll use it to write the entries for it.

Another thing that I watched was this. I followed this channel since its very inception, but the videos dropped appearing on my feed a while ago. However, Charlie's words deeply resonated with me, and I learned something new:


The keyword here is "codependence," which is also how my relationship with my ex was. I mean, I noticed that "romantic," "business," any of those words, when they are combined with "relationship" are just adjectives. At the end of the day, they are the same. They are relationships, and honestly, I'm surprised we lasted this long, especially after the many times we cut ties because I was also partially unhappy at times. I guess I truly felt like a therapist instead of a girlfriend more than once. Honestly, I'm glad she took the step, and while I do hope she gets better, and while yes, our contact is a bit... ephimeral, it brought me an opportunity. While I was meditating, and decided to set my heart onto someone else, I realized that there might be a shot for me not to look for one person, but an entire network of likeminded people. You guys may have seen some folks saying that everyone has to do things alone; it's one productivity and entrepreneurial cliché at this point that it's lonely, and stuff... but the truth is I don't believe it. Sure, for people like David Goggins the effort might have been lonely at first, but if I recall correctly, he wasn't the only one on BUD/s, he wasn't the only one going through Hell Week. I mean, look where I'm posting this message: I'm writing about this on The Hive, a community of likeminded people who are into fitness, which already had two online meet-ups so far! What I'm getting at is that this is not a lonely effort; that is only true if you're not looking for your tribe, and when it comes to writing, especially the subjects I write about, I must find likeminded people. At the end of the day taking the leap of faith and failing on it will yield me better results than I thought. It's a win-win situation, and by finding my tribe, I'm also securing a success anywhere.

I do want to get back into drawing too. At first I thought I shouldn't because then I'll scatter myself again, but then I shut that off because it is actually part of my goals. One of the things that I want to do is make my own covers. InkScape works amazing for drawing without any tools. Nevertheless, is not about drawing the same thing for a year, but going back to the very basics, and start looking for what I want. It's about going back to the time in which I was a kid.

Speaking about it, I may have a chance to be forced into this too. This morning I got the chance of teaching someone how to draw, and I believe I'll start on February. It feels like a rather short notice, but it's giving me some time to prepare.

Am I opening doors? I don't know. I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I hope things keep opening up like this. Today I already stated someone that I am done with music. In fact, I did it with this words: I AM RETIRED! I only have one student, and I'll keep him because I like teaching him, and I'll teach him all he wants, as long as it is in my knowledge. Quitting music might be a temporary thing though, but as a profession, I just see no point in moving forward. At least not until I learn a way to create music, which is plenty of material around it, but right now, my classical training is so deeply ingrained into my brain that I must get out of it first. Hence I'm writing bad things for a year, which then I'm circling back to the 365 challenge.

Addendum:

Hi Bees!
:ss:

Colossus is feeling better, finally! It was very boring to train alone :D

This is what I meant about not being alone! We're all humans, we're social animals, and we're all in this together!

E: DD counter was wrong.

E: Date was also wrong.

January 13th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:v: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 30 Squats +EC
Count: 1719 - 1715 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:v: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:v: 200 Burpees / :v: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
7 Full Burpees
:v: Monday +EC
:v: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:v: DAREdice: 10 Sit-ups | 8 Push-ups
:v: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:v: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:v: Standing Abs: Day 12 | Day 13
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 538 words in 37 minutes! (27/30)
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 538 words in 37 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :gstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :gstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 
Last edited:

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
Today is one of those rare days in which I managed an 100% victory on my list! A list that I didn't get to write, so I had it memorized, and struggled a bit because I couldn't sit down to do it. Time blindness also nearly got the best of me, but everything got done! While I couldn't meditate, I did my workout, plus 54 Hooks. Everything went good today, and I needed a good day! A victorious day! I am celebrating now before going to bed!

Right now I've reduced nearly all friction, so all I have to do is just get up, do my morning routine skipping the DD, go to my appointment, and do all the errands I must do tomorrow downtown before going back home, and doing the DD first. I finally picked my phone project back up, wrote 314 words in 10 minutes, which was unexpected, and kept doing more stuff. I wrote my 365 challenge, and the stories are starting to get better. I'm noticing an actual improvement, and how I manage to grab some ideas that I generated by putting up 5 minutes on a timer and coming up to 30 solutions to a problem (in this case the problem is lack of ideas for stories), and came up to 12, which as I went through the list while I wrote, it increased to 14, and now there's only 7 elements left. Rolling a D12, then a D10, and then a D8 definitely helped to just not deliberate about which one to choose, or pick one based on how much it attracts me. I just roll the die and whichever number lands is the item that I pick, thus removing more friction, and also introducing an element of novelty because I do not know what am I writing until I roll the die. I skipped this process during two days over the past week because I woke up with ideas for it, so I wrote them instead.

I feel like I'm going somewhere now, because my next item on my list is to start with my book. This is going to be a new challenge because I made the choice of writing by hand from now on... I spent most of the day putting ideas that I had written into pieces of paper into the notebook where I keep them frozen. I'm going to be using it more often now. There's over 30 ideas rather than the 14, but it's fine because I already picked two: one for the main project, and one for the fall back when I get bored. The fall back, thankfully, is a longer project, so I don't have to hyperfocus on that.

Good day!

January 14th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:v: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 30 Seconds One Arm Plank Hold +EC
Count: 1720 - 1716 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:v: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:v: 200 Burpees / :v: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
8 Full Burpees
:v: 54 Hooks for LRD's 54 for 54
:v: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:v: DAREdice: 12 Full Burpees
:v: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:v: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:v: Standing Abs: Day 14
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 585 words in 23 minutes! (28/30)
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 899 words in 33 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :gstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :gstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
I skipped the Watch. I really wanted to go for the Watch as I finally figured out a way to stay focused, but since I woke up too early for nothing, then I just slept through. It was for nothing because my therapist couldn't make it, so the appointment got moved to Friday, so that's alright. At least I don't have to wait too long, and in fact, it ended up working in my favor. Why? Well...

I did my Vision manifesto! It is incredibly different than what I originally thought it would be. Then again, when I thought about writing my Vision, I was in a different state of mind before I just went all in with changing my life. Then, there's also something that, honestly, instead of amazing me, it just pissed me off immediately. Then again, what you resist persists, and this Jung quotation keeps resonating with me whenever I open up my journal and find stuff that I did not want to find out. I actually wanted to break off that relationship for a while. That's not what I'm mad about. My reason for breaking up is because I was feeling sick of being treated as a therapist than a girlfriend, but I didn't go through with it because I honestly didn't want to, I still loved her in spite of it, and I still do. I accepted that she will have a piece of my heart forever, no matter what, and that's something I can't take back. In fact, I'm glad we parted our ways in a friendly manner rather than hating each other; it's much healthier, and it actually shows us how different we are from others that can't seem to hate their exes for petty reasons, and rejoice on the toxicity instead of using the negativity to improve themselves, thus repeating the same cycle further into their relationships, but I'm getting out of the subject. Thing is that I've started to fall out of love from her and even considered other people. I've been eyeing others, and...

Yeah, this has been going on since June of 2023. Probably earlier, which means that this thing was not just soon to be over, but the feelings that I chose to go all in and use them as a way to find my tribe by seeking likeminded people... they've been going on since before I got diagnosed with ADHD. My current volume starts on August 2023, and that's when I saw one name dropped, right there, in the very first entry. So I went back to my previous volume and saw that same name repeated as far back as June 2023. Worst part is that I went through something similar when I was a teenager, but now this feels like.... I don't know, I just feel like any step that I make will make whatever that I'm desiring to be canon in the forseable future. Cue the giant F bomb I dropped when I saw that name over and over again, after I realized this has been going on since I was still in a relationship, but kudos for me to actually not do one thing that was never on the list of things I wanted to do! It's one hell of a bittersweet emotional rollercoaster to find that sneaky little fact. It makes me feel like I'm debugging my life. Well, actually, that's what journaling is though. It's a way to debug your life.

I just did not expect to find this out on Teacher's day, out of all days. I did not expect it at all! The only question I have is why, but I already answered that days ago.

All I have to say is that there's no turning back. I already made my decisions, and I'm putting all the work in. I'm ready for the worse, and I've been since the moment I took the decision, but the thing that's giving me anxiety is that I'm not ready for what would happen if the outcome I'm betting for happened. As I stated, what would I do if the outcome I'm betting for happened? I would panic, because there's no other choice for me but to panic.

January 15th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:v: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 30 Reverse Plank Kicks +EC
Count: 1721 - 1717 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:v: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:x: 200 Burpees / :x: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
:x: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:v: DAREdice: 8 Sit-ups
:x: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:v: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:v: Standing Abs: Day 15
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 589 words in 34 minutes! (29/30)
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 589 words in 34 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :gstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :gstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
Okay, I am going to share something. If you speak French, and can read his handwriting, then good for you, but I am not talking about Story of the Eye or the sequel that Bataille planned for it at this moment (as this was the book that I talked about; the one that had an essay that was pretty much longer than the novel itself considering the novel had the Hans Bellmer's illustrations, alongside this manuscript written by Bataille himself, which was cleaned up and added as the final page of this particular copy, right in the middle of the story. Warning, though, it might be strong if you understand French and are good at reading a doctor's handwriting, so I'm putting it on spoiler because it's just written text, but there's something important I want to talk about it that is pertinent with my perfectionism.

cleaned.jpg

Do you see that? The scratched words, the words that he put in, the strikethroughs, and all of it... Do you see it? Well, here's the thing, and this is the problem that I've dealt with for my entire life up until now. That little thing was such a revelation that I had to go back to the non-profit and take that book out just because of that page. I went through the start of my journal, and every single handwritten piece that I have at my disposal, going as far back as one notebook that I had for school back in 2001, and here's what I found: there isn't a single scratched word, or anything dirty on it. No smudges, no scratches, not torn pieces of paper, nothing. It is all pristine and pretty (or as pristine and clean as an eight-year-old would have her notebook). That's the thing that's been crippling me. Back in school, writing cleanly has one function: it allows the teachers to read what you're writing, but the idea that the notes are for them and not for me got stuck for so long in my head that I didn't even read my own notes as often as I should have back in university, and this affected me quite a lot. When Bataille wrote that plan he wasn't counting on anyone but himself to read it. See, this is also why all the teachers at the Conservatory would also frequently asked me, completely confused, on why I didn't write notes in my music sheets. I am supposed to make a mess. Even when I'm writing, I am supposed to make a mess, and so far, the only messes that I've done are all in my journal, mostly because either I run out of space and start using the margins, or because I need to add a new thing. Heck, one of the books in this collection (considering that we're talking about Story of the Eye, and if you know, then you know a piece of similar story is actually an anonymous journal that might be real or might be fiction or might be both) had pages removed and notes added in the original manuscript, which was also put into the final print, and all following editions after the first one in 1888 (that's an easy clue for you) had those notes on the printed version between brackets. Heck, I read one part of the book in which the author said he added that small detail of his life right before starting that arc of his life because he left it belonged there, and there was one in which, right between brackets, he said that he removed that page from his journal.

I know this sounds like experimental writing right now, but my point is that what got me ahead on school is getting me in trouble in life, whereas what got me in trouble in school is getting me ahead in life. A clean, pristine, and readable manuscript won't cut it, especially if I'm the one reading it, and now writing the same thing over and over, with a black pen is helping me more into embracing those mistakes. My last input on it had typos, an ink stain, and some ink bled into the page as I scratched the ideas from the scrap piece of paper where I put those up before tearing it apart and putting it into the garbage, not because those ideas are trash, but because I had more than half of the ideas done, so I put the ones that were undone into another piece of paper, gave them a different order, and then scratched them all. Is not because it was messy, but because the mess was already giving me readability issues. That's the key thing here: readability. I don't understand what Georges Bataille wrote in that manuscript. Not because I don't know French, but because I can't understand his handwriting. I had a bit of a hard time figuring out the word "suite." And that's the thing: he never meant for anyone to read it. The reason I'm sharing it is because I tried really hard to look for it online, but I can't seem to find this manuscript in particular, because it is a good example on how a writer should write their first draft, even if it is on the computer: messy.

Why has no one told me that is beyond me, but I'm just glad it happened. To think that, within a copy of one of the most shocking books of the early 20th century this tiny piece of history hid itself, and it ended up being the best example on how to crush perfectionism should be. No words, just one manuscript with bad handwriting, and tons of scratches.

It makes me wonder now how Christopher Paolini's notebook looked like when he started writing Eragon, or how the napkin in which J. K. Rowling planted the seed for Harry Potter looked like too. I know what the 120 Days of Sodom scroll looks like though, but I didn't explore it fully to see if Marquis de Sade scratched things up and stuff.

So, new update on my life: stop writing like an elementary school kid, and start writing like an author. Honestly, at this point, I feel more like I'm an anti-teacher rather than a teacher herself. Anti-teacher as in anti-hero. You know what I mean.

January 16th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:v: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 30 Squat Jacks +EC (I don't know what this was, but it made me feel like a ballerina)
Count: 1722 - 1718 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:v: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:v: 200 Burpees / :v: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
:v: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:v: DAREdice: 20 Squats
:v: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:v: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:v: Standing Abs: Day 16
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 524 words in 28 minutes! (30/30) New Milestone! 30 Days!
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 524 words in 28 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :gstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :gstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 

TopNotch

Well-known member
Ranger from Australia
Posts: 2,244
"Motivation is temporary. Discipline is forever."
I think I see what you mean. I frequently will tear out a page if I've just started writing on it and I've made a mistake. Or when writing on an index card because there's less room hence less text so quicker to re-write. But sometimes, just sometimes, I forgive myself for it. I tell myself that it's okay to add something at the bottom and use an arrow to show where it should be. (In fact, I did that yesterday and I stuck the card on the wall with the (perfect) others and that doesn't bother me at all.) It's okay to write the wrong word or miss out a word and have to squeeze it in. It's hard, really hard, to accept and I get that, and I realise I probably lose a bit by spending so much time making it just right in my head that I've forgotten half of it by the time I actually set pen to paper. I'm trying to train myself, not to make errors, but to accept that sometimes they happen. And training anything takes time and patience and practice.
If you've got the patience and the guts to do all those burpees, then you've got this too.
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
I think I see what you mean. I frequently will tear out a page if I've just started writing on it and I've made a mistake. Or when writing on an index card because there's less room hence less text so quicker to re-write. But sometimes, just sometimes, I forgive myself for it. I tell myself that it's okay to add something at the bottom and use an arrow to show where it should be. (In fact, I did that yesterday and I stuck the card on the wall with the (perfect) others and that doesn't bother me at all.) It's okay to write the wrong word or miss out a word and have to squeeze it in. It's hard, really hard, to accept and I get that, and I realise I probably lose a bit by spending so much time making it just right in my head that I've forgotten half of it by the time I actually set pen to paper. I'm trying to train myself, not to make errors, but to accept that sometimes they happen. And training anything takes time and patience and practice.
If you've got the patience and the guts to do all those burpees, then you've got this too.

I know that feel. I frequently go back in Obsidian whenever I write on my phone, even though I'm aware I have only ten minutes. However, when it comes to handwriting, after I started to write the same thing over and over again, I started to embrace the typos, and today I did what Bataille did on his manuscript, which... honestly, it added more charm to it. I actually got really inspired and overwhelmed with emotion as I wrote it (because I was body doubling with the one I usually body double with, on a time in which I don't usually do it, and I got too excited about it!) that I put things outside the margins beyond what the rules say. It's entry 31, and it feels as the most authentic story in there. The ink blobs, the mistakes, and the scratches were part of that process, and it is beautiful.
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
I've come to terms today that I fell in love with my writing process by having body doubles in the weirdest of places, but then it doesn't turn out weird when you read what I write about. I've also come to terms that, what happened in 2023, in May of 2023 (I took all three volumes to my appointment) was something that I resisted, and with good reason, but since I decided to let go, there's no point in resisting. Sure, this is the most ridiculous, the most ambitious, and the stupidest thing that could ever cross my mind, but because it is ridiculous, ambitious, and stupid is why I want to do it. Not only that, but everything is aligning perfectly towards my goal. It's the same journey, with just a twist that I did not count on, and the fact that I'm thrilled for something that could lead nowhere just tells me that... I don't know, I'm willing to do things that are impossible? I mean, I decided to let my limiting beliefs speak, and I had to laugh at it. Am I delaying? Not really. It's been two weeks since I heard the call; I started to answer it last week, and now I'm currently seeking the help before crossing yet another threshold, because this is part of the journey; it's part of the road of trials.

Everything is connected.

Maybe I didn't work out today because I came home at noon, and I am just too tired and too sleep deprived to do something beyond my morning and night routines. I didn't sleep well last night because I was excited. I still am excited. I feel like a teenager again, especially knowing that this is within my reach, that this is actually possible, that I don't think I'll be repeating the same mistakes as before this time! Damnit, I wrote Day 31 of the challenge, and it took me 40 minutes, but I did it with her! Everything bled onto the page so incredible that it spat out a new project that I took note of and tossed it on the freezer. I also figured out the hours in which I should do my writing, with the Watch being solely for my book, or hobby writing (as long as I carry on with the book during the day). I am no longer tethered to the computer, meaning I'm nearly immune to powercuts! In fact, I wrote my entry for the challenge like Bataille did! I scratched the mistakes! I wrote on the margins! I even broke my rule of not titling any story because I needed to title it!

In other words, I broke free.

I just can't believe that my therapist is supporting me on this stupid undertaking. It's really crazy, but the more I see the steps I have to take, the less I have to lose. Even if I fail, I still win, and I'll be winning far much more than I originally thought.

I think I just destroyed my prognostics for the year. I know that 2016 and 2017 were really challenging for me, and it caused me to say "enough is enough," starting my weight loss journey. 2024 destroyed me far much worse than 2016 and 2017 did, but if this is where I come from... Man, those limiting beliefs that I have are smaller than a bedbug.

I definitely needed a change. A very drastic change. I knew 2024 changed me, but I didn't think it was going to change me this much.

Whatever actions I take right now, no matter how mundane they seem, even if they are fueled by what, again, is the biggest, stupidest, most ridiculous, and most impossible of any ambitions that I had in life, will bear the fruit of tomorrow. I can't believe that I think winning the Princess of Asturias Award is much easier than this; that's how intimidated I am. Then again, I took the same leap of faith with far much less, and it paid off for six years. Who says I can't take it again? In fact, now that I think of it, I think it's easier this time. Yeah, it's easier because, back then, that leap of faith didn't earn me much if it turned out to be a waste, and this one will make me win regardless of the outcome.

As @TopNotch put it perfectly, if I have the guts to do all those Burpees, who says I can't pull off something incredible as well?

January 17th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:x: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 30 Knee Strikes +EC
Count: 1723 - 1719 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:v: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:x: 200 Burpees / :x: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
:x: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:x: DAREdice: Unrolled
:x: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:v: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:x: Standing Abs: Day 17
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 540 words in 40 minutes! (31/60)
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 540 words in 40 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :gstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :gstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
Here's the thing: there's no Watch tonight. I thought there was going to be, but I'm still awake. I just finished meditating, which was more an exercise of listening to my listening beliefs, and then refuting them one by one. Can I tell you one thing about limiting beliefs? There is so much trauma in them! Like, really, really a lot. They really are a huge hindrance, and at the end of the day, they are just ridiculous, but damn, they are so, so crippling...

I spent the entire day journaling, so much so that I finished my third volume today! Already broke open a new notebook that's ready for it. My last entry was just a breakdown of the three trials I must endure before going into Stage 7: Meeting with the Goddess. Stage 8: Woman as the Temptress entered immediately into my life, and is taking many forms. I didn't say this, but I got dragged into an evangelical chat yesterday while I waited for my number at the hospital, and it was so ridiculous... Thankfully I had the copy of Story of the Eye with me because Bataille's manuscript is something that I wanted to bring up during therapy, and I had to read the last three chapters to remind myself why I write what I write, because the charisma this woman had was really good, but the message felt... Ma'am, I'm waiting for a psychologist to see me, the last thing I want is the Word, and I'm thankful that I'm there for ADHD and not for Religious Trauma Syndrome, otherwise I wouldn't know what to do. Reason I say RTS is because this is a Roman Catholic country, and in this State, especially in this city, many flavors of Christianity join in. Not just Roman Catholics, but Evangelicals, Lutherans, Eastern Orthodox, Jehova's Witness, and even the LDS has a charter downtown. They aren't bad, honestly, some Evangelicals do nice things at the hospital, like giving out food for free. It's the proselitism that nags me a lot, and this woman really pushed the idea of God into my head, it drilled it on me so badly that I just left there with a really sour taste, and the first thing I did was, of course, the sane move of reading the last three chapters of Story of the Eye, as I previously mentioned it, just to feel normal again. If I have to read Story of the Eye, out of all things, to feel like my normal self, it's not a good sign.

But anyway, back to my day, it was just that: journaling, journaling, journaling, and learning. Bringing the three trials into actionable steps made them feel less daunting, and I also included some stuff to consume, like books, podcasts, Youtube channels, and all sorts of the good type of media that drives me into the goal instead of leading me out. The steps I put them out like cooking recipes, with ingredients and utensils, and a segment of the values I should pursue. Many, if not all, rely on my 7 Values Manifesto, which is perfect because it forces me to practice them all. I also added the last trial, which is pretty much the Meeting with the Goddess stage, and the steps I should take. It's like a fourth trial, but is not a trial... or at least not in the sense of the Road of Trials. Tomorrow I'll start identifying and performing immediate actions in all three to start building my momentum. This feels like when I started working out. Just one Youtube video, follow the instructions, and keep going. Then it came another one. Then I hit freaking Google. Then I found Croft. Then I found DAREBEE.

Somehow, it all snowballed together into making me perform 250 Burpees daily.

So yeah, today I meditated, and now I realized I'm facing off against six limiting beliefs that, I kid you not, the majority of them should not even exist, especially considering my most recent history. I thought I shouldn't have those, but really, when they were right before me they seemed tough. Then I wrote them, I read them, I let them speak as loud as they wanted... and realized they were incredibly wrong, and I had a body of evidence as thick as the binder where I carried my sheet music for university.

It's been such a long time since I wrote in my meditation journal with big letters and a lot of weight on my hand. The pen made thick strokes on each letter, and every word got bigger. It was such a rush to kick the ass of those limiting beliefs, knowing fully well that this ambitious and stupid undertaking might not be so absurd as I thought. It's a high risk high reward thing, but as I told my best friend, is not the fact that I have nothing to lose, but even if I lose, I'm still winning. However, I'm sure I won't lose this time. As soon as I crushed all of it, now the thing that I see five years into the future won't be the only canon thing. Now I'm seeing something from a year from now as canon. With that, opportunities are starting to show up. Having a brand new volume for my journal is already a symbol for a new stage of my life, and finding quotations from the lover of lovers, the woman I wish had been a girlfriend on a past life, Anaïs Nin, brought down a couple of walls that ended up crushing my initial doubts. Ever since I started to read her, it's always Anaïs Nin the one who ends up breaking the walls that surround me.

Turns out Meeting with the Goddess is yet another Call to Adventure, and just as my initial Call to Adventure, I refused it for far too long. However, this refusal was more justified than the other one. Now, there's no point on refusing it, especially when one of my trials is, quite literally, getting The Supernatural Aid.

I really love using Joseph Campbell's structure for this, you know. It does show everything into perspective, and it's also telling me how to act. At the end of the day, all answers were in myth the whole time. At the end of the day, the Hero's Journey is human experience, and we all go through it, all the time.

January 18th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:v: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 20 Lunge Punches +EC
Count: 1724 - 1720 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:x: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:v: 200 Burpees / :v: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
:v: WoD: Combat Light +Megaset
:v: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:v: DAREdice: 4 Squats | 20 Push-ups
:v: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:v: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:v: Standing Abs: Day 17 | Day 18
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 536 words in 23 minutes! (32/60)
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 536 words in 23 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :gstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :gstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
  • Writing: 7 days, 4242 words
  • Burpees: 6 days, 1130 Burpees
  • 2 days of reading



Honestly, I don't care that I didn't write. My word for this year is focused, and this week has been all about figuring out what the f*ck I must do next because the plot bunnies attacked me. They will not stop attacking me, especially now that my body double is online as I'm writing this. The fact of the matter is that I wanted to figure out my next steps, and while it is still a work in progress, I have them figured out now. The more I write about it in my journal, the possibility of things going wrong feels less and less likely, to the point in which now it feels impossible. I haven't done anything but preparing, and finally, it is in this week, that I'm taking action.

Like I said, it's just small steps. Small actions. Small things. They will all, eventually, end up snowballing into what I want. The fear that I talked about didn't cease to exist, it's still there. Thing is I'm using it now to fuel my ambition, to prove my own demons that stuck with me from the past wrong, to prove myself that I am so much better than I thought I'd ever be. This isn't about publishing a book anymore. It's about everything involved in the process of publishing it, and also the process of starting a new chapter, one that seems to be even more exciting than the one I just closed. It seems impossible, but then again, when it comes to my teenage years, I was the only one who went after an impossible girl. I was the only one who managed to die in the arena, while everyone else just watched from afar. It is far much better to fail trying than never try at all, but now I've grown since then, and this time I know I won't fail. I feel excited. Is not as if I'm back in the game, but more of rather seeking a new adventure, one where the lessons of the previous one can be applied, and one that could be even more plausible than the pipe dream we once just had.

If I fail, which I don't think it will happen considering my history of resiliance and perseverance, at least I'll be winning far much more than I previously thought. I just can't believe that this challenge in particular yields good results, even if it just so happens that things go awry, because no matter how much I try to deny that, it is still a possibility, one that I'm ready for. At this point I'm immune to rejection, honestly. I've faced rejection before, and is not just in the area of dating or socializing. My entire music history was rejection, one after the other. It can't hurt me anymore.

Good week for Burpees, by the way. I didn't expect to break 1K, but I did, and it's amazing.

Addendum: Here's a funny thing: I just noticed that this upcoming week is also the last week of my current BuJo volume! If this is not the universe telling me that I'm entering a new chapter, I don't know what it is. Since Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung, I don't believe in such coincidences anymore.
 

Sólveig

Well-known member
Pirate from Cabudare - Venezuela
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 2,357
"ᚨ Ars longa, vita brevis"
It wasn't a good day. Not bad, just not good.

I woke up extremely late. I went to play D&D and we were missing one player at last minute. Neither DM wanted to lead a game because we really didn't want to have that player missing again; we do miss him a lot, and actually it's not the player's fault: he's a firefighter, and he will always be missing at least three times a month because of his job. Even though he wasn't on call yesterday, he had to do something for work, but it took him the entire day. We still played something silly, and while it was deliciously funny and absurd (like turning the Sending spell into a fully blown Discord Voice Chat or literally going to Hell's Kitchen restaurant and have a Medieval Russian Gordon Ramsay destroying the kitchen to the point a spatula hit our Bard before she noticed the spatula had the Returning Weapon infusion from the Artificer), to the point that two dumb NPCs became more dangerous than the BBEG itself.

The rest of the day was just bad. I honestly shouldn't plan for Sundays and just leave it as a full day off, and take it more as "if I do something, I will do it and take note of it." I stayed up until late at night, waiting for the water to come. It did came, but it was so little that we couldn't do much. It was just a bad day.

I wanted to revive my Facebook account and make it something similar to what Jason K. Pargin does on Tik Tok, but just for my friends alone. I tried to delete old post, but I couldn't believe how clunky it was to do so. So, this morning, before I even made my bed, I pulled the plug and disabled that 17-year-old account once and for all. I never needed a Facebook in 2008, and always wondered why should I have one in the same way of why should I have a MySpace account. I asked it again, and since there was no answer, then why should I even keep it. Pulled the plug. Killed that thing. Honestly, it feels so much better than the original idea I've had. Even though I drafted that post, and put it as a word count (it took me around 45 minutes), it feels like wasted effort... to some degree. Honestly, it didn't. It just showed me how I should start my blog, and instead of prepackaging entries (which is something that I can still do), I should just do what I did in those 45 minutes: be raw, be transgressive (I did throw a few darts against my friends for always showing the best part of their lives while also bragging about showing everything, and soon to show more behind a curtain of censorship to protect my femme self, though I did use privacy reasons in the text), and just honest.

Deleting Facebook is pretty much finishing a notebook, and then throwing it to the flames to watch it burn. Good job, me!


This feels like my theme song for the year, ngl·

January 19th, 2025
Kickboxing: Day 196


Morning Routine:
:v: The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
:v: Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
:v: 20-Seconds Legs
:x: Before Breakfast Burpees
:v: Daily Dare: 20 Side-to-side Lunges with Toe Point +EC
Count: 1725 - 1721 +EC

Night Routine:
:v: Mani Salutation - 1 Set
:v: Five Rites
:v: Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
:x: Get to Bed on Time
:v: Daily Gratitude
:v: Counting Victories

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
:x: Extreme HIIT: Rebooted. On hold until further notice
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear


Workouts:
:x: 200 Burpees / :x: Death By Burpees - LVL III +EC
:x: Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
:x: 100/50 Strength
:x: Pole Dance Stretches
:x: DAREdice: Unrolled
:x: 1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
:x: 2-Minute Elbow Plank
:x: Daily Walk
:x: Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
:x: Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

Challenges:
:x: Standing Abs: Day 19
:v: Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 506 words in 27 minutes! (33/60)
Bucket List:
Empty

Writing progress:
:v: 1363 words in 72 minutes!
:x: 1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
:rstar:
1000 Words :rstar: :rstar:
1500 Words :rstar: :rstar: :gstar:

Reading progress:
:x: The 12 Week Year - 17%
:x: Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

Other Victories:
 

Syrius

Well-known member
Valkyrie from The Sonoran Desert
Pronouns: she/her
Posts: 1,301
"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others."
I have considered deleting my fb. I only keep it because it's the only way that I get photos of my nephews. Otherwise, I am a ghost. Good for you deleting it!! :love:
 
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