In the Lion's den

[graoumia]

Why did you choose alchemist profile ? what are your hobbies ? My son is suffering of a depression, it is very difficult, but maybe you could try to find a few things that can bring you some joy?

 

[Matan]

@graoumia
I'm sorry to read that. I wish your son a lot of strength.

I don't really know why I picked alchemist. It just felt right.
My hobby? Aviation, I guess. Unfortunately, it's a hobby that requires a lot of mental energy. Something I have very little of right now.

 

[graoumia]

regarding aviation, could you join a group or a forum for people who love it too? Or maybe plan to visit some museum related to aviation?

 

[Matan]

About joining a forum. Even though I might know more about aviation than the "average Joe" does, I'm way too scared to interact with anyone (probably an impostor syndrome).
In the past I thought about starting an aviation related chatroom here in The Hive (just because this community is so amazing)...

I've been to some airshows, and in aviation museum in the past. Unfortunately nowadays it's impossible (for various reasons).

 

[graoumia]

In France some museum are proposing some virtuals visits now, could it be a possibility for you?

 

[Matan]

Thanks for the info @graoumia I'll take a look, though I'm not really in mood.

 

[Matan]

I can't stand it anymore!...
The silence... The emptiness...
It's killing me...

 

[Matan]

There's a lot negativity in my thread recently. Sorry about that.

I'm still alive (unfortunately). I still feel absolutely awful. I thought it'll get better somehow, that the pain will disappear. I was so wrong...
I'm a burden... I'm useless...

 

[Matan]

I'm sorry for such a stupid request, but I really need someone to talk to on a daily basis. I don't feel comfortable talking publicly.
If you have time and energy please send me a private message, and if not that's absolutely fine.

 

[graoumia]

Hello, don't be sorry, maybe you should also ask this in the safe space place here

Safe Space

This is a safe space. Here we talk about mental health, general well-being, loneliness and depression - and ways to get through it all. We all need help sometimes. Sometimes we need support and sometimes we just need for someone to listen and just be there.

www.community.darebee.com

I have too many problems and not enough time to be able to help you this way, but please continue to post here and give us news. Are you able to workout actually?

 

[Matan]

I ask here on my thread, because it's my own safe space. It just don't feel like putting myself "out there".

I know. You told me about your son.
I'll try to post. Yea, I kinda exercise. I do Seated Boxer everyday.

 

[graoumia]

I understand you feel better here, that's a good reason to stay here
That's great you can move, did you already try challenges or programs ?

 

[Matan]

Like my own little speck of space in the vastness of the internet.

I want to start a program in September, but it all depends how I'll feel physically, so far it's not good.

 

[Fremen]

Maybe you could vent a bit on your thread when you feel like it.
My problem is my poor command of the English language, I read and understand but to write (also out of laziness) I use Google Translate

 

[Matan]

Yea, I technically can vent here, but it's still a public thread... I can only be very vague.

It's okay @Fremen, I understand

 

[Matan]

Hi. Hope you are well.
I was supposed to do a "proper" workout today, start a program.
Nope! I have no energy and absolutely zero motivation.
Everything still sucks... I wonder why I should even try...

 

[graoumia]

It is not the most important not having start yesterday, are you better today ?
I think one of the reason you should try is this :

How To Best Use Exercise To Relieve Anxiety and Depression

A cocktail of exercise and small lifestyle changes can help you fight both anxiety and depression.

darebee.com

take care please, you can do this

 

[Matan]

Thanks @graoumia! I know that exercising would most likely make me feel better. The problem is that I just don't have any energy to force myself to do it.

I just realized that I've wasted almost half of my life. I'm in the same place as 15 years ago. Yea, I could probably do something about it, but why should I even try, I'd fail anyway.
My life is a failure. I am a failure.

 

[Matan]

I guess I can now tell you what happened.
Exactly two months ago I lost contact with someone very dear and important to me.

I'm still devastated. I thought I finally found joy in my life. I thought I finally can be loved, that I can be happy, that I don't have to be lonely.

I feel like I lost a part of myself. I lost all the motivation to fight. I literally have no more reasons to keep going.