Blade
Member
Assassin
Posts: 5
I know it's not the best name for my very first log here and on the first day of a new year but that suits well I guess... I haven't done this sort of a thing before so this may be a bit awkward for the pro loggers here.
Although I'm new to logging, Darebee is nothing new for me, I discovered this amazing website like in 2018 and I had an account in the previous system but wasn't very active in the community. Anyway I used to come here every now and then and see what's going on. That's a bit about Darebee and me.
Well...the reason I started this log is I'm going through a very tough time in my life right now. I have friends but I couldn't find someone I can trust totally and share my problems with. It is a lot hard to find such a person because once you open up completely most of them will change their view on you and ... they'll change eventually. So I thought about logging my thoughts somewhere and it seems I've found a safe place. And couple of minutes ago it dawned on me that it's the 1st of Jan and here we are... let's see if this helps. Actually I'm not seeking anyone's sympathy but just trying to throw my thoughts somewhere and see what happens
Talking about me, I just passed my teenage years and am currently studying as a university student. I hate the course I study. I am here mainly because my parents wanted me to be here. I have told many people this pathetic story and I myself am fed up with it. But it's true. I have a coming exam next week and a bar exam a couple of weeks later. I know I didn't and am not studying well so I'm gonna mess it up and repeat the whole year again. I love science. But not biological things. Yet here I am. This is pure torture. I think I'm stressed a lot. maybe depressed idk how it feels. I don't know what to do. I feel like crying but I can't. What will people think? Actually I do, alone, at night. Life sucks. I'm physically weak. Skinny. Mentally it's a mess. Socially? I fear talking to new people. Yeah I'm shy. I missed lots of things because of this. Even today. I'm not so popular. Who doesn't like to be? And academically I'm going on all fours right now. I used to be the brightest student in the good old school days. But now it has changed. That was like my whole personality. Just think of ripping off your core personality off of you. It hurts. A lot. I even feel like does this life worth living it?
But I want to change. Things are not right. But I can't figure out how. I feel stuck. Nothing works. I end up making the same mistake again and again. I've become lazy. I do nothing most of the day just lay around and keep thinking and thinking. I have a massive crush on a girl in the neighbourhood. Does she like me? Idk I don't deserve her. I feel little. No self confidence at all. No wonder girls do not like me. Yet I haven't asked her out but who knows . I'm on study leave. It sucks. I don't know what'll happen. But I have to do something. Let's see...
I love physical exercising. It calms my mind and I feel good for a while after it. I like running. But I couldn't run for a while. it rains in here in the evening these days. But anyway I went out and ran today. It rained. But I ran in the rain. Now I feel good and in a mood to type this thing up. Just for the record:
> I walked 1K
> jogged 2K in one go
> then walked and sprinted alternatively within 2K
> walked 1K
I don't know when I'll post here again but I'll try to do so whenever I feel like this. If someone read this thank you. It took about 1 hour to write this up. I'll stop here. Later.
Although I'm new to logging, Darebee is nothing new for me, I discovered this amazing website like in 2018 and I had an account in the previous system but wasn't very active in the community. Anyway I used to come here every now and then and see what's going on. That's a bit about Darebee and me.
Well...the reason I started this log is I'm going through a very tough time in my life right now. I have friends but I couldn't find someone I can trust totally and share my problems with. It is a lot hard to find such a person because once you open up completely most of them will change their view on you and ... they'll change eventually. So I thought about logging my thoughts somewhere and it seems I've found a safe place. And couple of minutes ago it dawned on me that it's the 1st of Jan and here we are... let's see if this helps. Actually I'm not seeking anyone's sympathy but just trying to throw my thoughts somewhere and see what happens
Talking about me, I just passed my teenage years and am currently studying as a university student. I hate the course I study. I am here mainly because my parents wanted me to be here. I have told many people this pathetic story and I myself am fed up with it. But it's true. I have a coming exam next week and a bar exam a couple of weeks later. I know I didn't and am not studying well so I'm gonna mess it up and repeat the whole year again. I love science. But not biological things. Yet here I am. This is pure torture. I think I'm stressed a lot. maybe depressed idk how it feels. I don't know what to do. I feel like crying but I can't. What will people think? Actually I do, alone, at night. Life sucks. I'm physically weak. Skinny. Mentally it's a mess. Socially? I fear talking to new people. Yeah I'm shy. I missed lots of things because of this. Even today. I'm not so popular. Who doesn't like to be? And academically I'm going on all fours right now. I used to be the brightest student in the good old school days. But now it has changed. That was like my whole personality. Just think of ripping off your core personality off of you. It hurts. A lot. I even feel like does this life worth living it?
But I want to change. Things are not right. But I can't figure out how. I feel stuck. Nothing works. I end up making the same mistake again and again. I've become lazy. I do nothing most of the day just lay around and keep thinking and thinking. I have a massive crush on a girl in the neighbourhood. Does she like me? Idk I don't deserve her. I feel little. No self confidence at all. No wonder girls do not like me. Yet I haven't asked her out but who knows . I'm on study leave. It sucks. I don't know what'll happen. But I have to do something. Let's see...
I love physical exercising. It calms my mind and I feel good for a while after it. I like running. But I couldn't run for a while. it rains in here in the evening these days. But anyway I went out and ran today. It rained. But I ran in the rain. Now I feel good and in a mood to type this thing up. Just for the record:
> I walked 1K
> jogged 2K in one go
> then walked and sprinted alternatively within 2K
> walked 1K
I don't know when I'll post here again but I'll try to do so whenever I feel like this. If someone read this thank you. It took about 1 hour to write this up. I'll stop here. Later.