from
I can read you have an inner warrior, and you are a bad ass. If you are thinning out ,it is the most important, not the number on the scale which is stressfull. I know it is very difficult, but when i read your journal, i feel you need to be more kind with yourself. We love you here, maybe it can help to love you too.
Author of a Thousand Fails
- Thread starter OJJJEM
- Start date
NancyTree
Well-known member
from
All my good vibes and energy to you to go threw this bad time... You can do it and continue on the path of health and positivity.
I'm sorry you have to live hard time, we all do! But we can all go threw this and choose to live a good life.
I'm sorry you have to live hard time, we all do! But we can all go threw this and choose to live a good life.
OJJJEM
Well-known member
Mother of Dragons
Posts: 632
TUESDAY
Daily walks
Daily stretches
Running from my problems
Kanary I'm really grateful to her right now. She's an amazing woman who left behind an amazing legacy here on Darebee. I think about her often.
20 Consecutive days of fitness
273.2lbs
Thank you for your well wishes. They are seen. I am a little less angry today. Though, I still have to dismiss myself often because of explosions of emotion. My "I want to die" also did a 180 into survival overdrive. So, I'm progressing through this process swiftly and in a healthy manner, methinks. I'm monitoring my mental health closely. Those who REALLY know me also know that I've been through some rough patches on my journey towards building my own happy place with my home and family, my farm, and my crafts. Sad to say, but it's not my first time being assaulted like that. And I've also gone through it enough from a young age that I am able to take a relatively healthy, analytical approach to it... It doesn't mean it's a breeze to go through... It's awful no matter how many times you've faced it. However, I can recognize my grief, now. I have control over my mind and body's changes in response to it. Last time I tried to reclaim my life, I was out of control, and I dragged a lotta people down with me. I'd like to think I'm a little wiser in how to handle myself and the situation... What really gets me is that I thought I was safe. I was modest and in what I thought was a safe place and safe company. I've been struggling with it so much that I've become somewhat of a shut-in, and it's hard to even step out of my room and face my kids for any extended period of time. One thing I can say... Saturday night was not only the nail in my coffin for a shitastic week, it was also a catalyst of some sort for me... As much as I hate the source, I'm gonna ride that wave to a stronger and healthier me. Now, if I can stop having FML moments over and over again in my head, I can practice what I preach a little better.... HAHAHA!
Daily walks
Daily stretches
Running from my problems
Kanary
I'm really grateful to her right now. She's an amazing woman who left behind an amazing legacy here on Darebee. I think about her often.20 Consecutive days of fitness
273.2lbs
Thank you for your well wishes. They are seen. I am a little less angry today. Though, I still have to dismiss myself often because of explosions of emotion. My "I want to die" also did a 180 into survival overdrive. So, I'm progressing through this process swiftly and in a healthy manner, methinks. I'm monitoring my mental health closely. Those who REALLY know me also know that I've been through some rough patches on my journey towards building my own happy place with my home and family, my farm, and my crafts. Sad to say, but it's not my first time being assaulted like that. And I've also gone through it enough from a young age that I am able to take a relatively healthy, analytical approach to it... It doesn't mean it's a breeze to go through... It's awful no matter how many times you've faced it. However, I can recognize my grief, now. I have control over my mind and body's changes in response to it. Last time I tried to reclaim my life, I was out of control, and I dragged a lotta people down with me. I'd like to think I'm a little wiser in how to handle myself and the situation... What really gets me is that I thought I was safe. I was modest and in what I thought was a safe place and safe company. I've been struggling with it so much that I've become somewhat of a shut-in, and it's hard to even step out of my room and face my kids for any extended period of time. One thing I can say... Saturday night was not only the nail in my coffin for a shitastic week, it was also a catalyst of some sort for me... As much as I hate the source, I'm gonna ride that wave to a stronger and healthier me. Now, if I can stop having FML moments over and over again in my head, I can practice what I preach a little better.... HAHAHA!
Maegaranthelas
Well-known member
from
The violation of trust is awful. But you being modest or not really has nothing to do with it. Even if you were to prance around naked through the streets, people are not by law or by morality allowed to do more than look at you. This sort of thing is never your fault. It is the fault of the person who decides that their feeling of power and domination is more important than your bodily autonomy and sense of safety. It happens to people in care, whether children, disabled folks, or older folks. It is not their fault, and it is not yours. The blame is always entirely on the perpetrator for choosing to do an awful thing.
And yes, all we can control is our response to the situation. Again, I am truly sorry that this happened to you (again), but if you can use your righteous anger to build a stronger and healthier you, I will 100% cheer you on. It is okay to feel terrible about it, it is okay to have those FML moments, (especially since it is recent), those feelings are also entirely valid. Just try not to let them stop you from building the self and life you want, or to have a meaningful connection with other people. You deserve the good connections <3
OJJJEM
Well-known member
Mother of Dragons
Posts: 632
WEDNESDAY
Daily walks
Daily stretches
My evening was altered last night by an emergency (not mine, someone else's). I'm struggling to walk today as a result. So, I don't know if I will get anything done today... Hopefully, I'll be able to do some bare minimum work... I'm a bit overwhelmed to lethargy today, though... I don't feel safe right now, and the heightened paranoia seems to be making everything hurt all the more, which makes me not wanna move in a vicious cycle of what's probably a state of depression. I seem to have built a rather convenient inconvenient cage for myself... Like hell, I'm gonna let that part of me have its way! I think only one person here knows the full extent of the drama that's following me (that's right, everybody, Saturday night was simply a nail in my coffin)... and that's one person too many... My apologies to that person...
Anyway...
21 Consecutive days of fitness
272.3 lbs
Daily walks
Daily stretches
My evening was altered last night by an emergency (not mine, someone else's). I'm struggling to walk today as a result. So, I don't know if I will get anything done today... Hopefully, I'll be able to do some bare minimum work... I'm a bit overwhelmed to lethargy today, though... I don't feel safe right now, and the heightened paranoia seems to be making everything hurt all the more, which makes me not wanna move in a vicious cycle of what's probably a state of depression. I seem to have built a rather convenient inconvenient cage for myself... Like hell, I'm gonna let that part of me have its way! I think only one person here knows the full extent of the drama that's following me (that's right, everybody, Saturday night was simply a nail in my coffin)... and that's one person too many... My apologies to that person...
Anyway...
21 Consecutive days of fitness
272.3 lbs
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@OJJJEM this is a safe place for you if you need, unfortunately many of us had or have dramas, and we are not here to judge but to help, when possible. but please don't apologize. When my brother died i was so sorry to bother people that i was not able to talk about it, not to hurt anyone. But i was wrong. Of course you can keep it for you. But if you need to share with someone, it is that this person is wishing to listen to you, you didn't force her to read you ? I'm sure she would be sad if you feel bad about it. And i am not judging you, because I'm 48 and until a few weeks ago, i didn't realize i was too nice, and i bought this book : "nice girls finish fat". It help me to realize that it should be this way for a lot of us. Please take care.
OJJJEM
Well-known member
Mother of Dragons
Posts: 632
THURSDAY
Stretches
Seated Yoga
Seated mobility
22 Consecutive days of fitness
272.6lbs
Well, my mind is going through a roller coaster of emotions, and I'm pretty sure I was a dab paranoid yesterday, to boot! The weekend can't come soon enough! I'm taking a much-needed vacation and mother-child bonding time. No PC or cell phone for me... I really need the reset, and my kids really need their mum back. I had made plans to do a lot of walking with them. My plans will be somewhat altered, but I'm ready to go!
A little mood music
Stretches
Seated Yoga
Seated mobility
22 Consecutive days of fitness
272.6lbs
Well, my mind is going through a roller coaster of emotions, and I'm pretty sure I was a dab paranoid yesterday, to boot! The weekend can't come soon enough! I'm taking a much-needed vacation and mother-child bonding time. No PC or cell phone for me... I really need the reset, and my kids really need their mum back. I had made plans to do a lot of walking with them. My plans will be somewhat altered, but I'm ready to go!
A little mood music
Maegaranthelas
Well-known member
Yes, take some time for you and the kids! Hopefully nature will do you good 
OJJJEM
Well-known member
Mother of Dragons
Posts: 632
FRIDAY
Stretches
Evening Walk
SATURDAY
Stretches
A LOT OF WALKING
Darebee's Back Pain Relief
Darebee's Sore Feet
SUNDAY
stretches
yoga for the spine
Evening walk
I'm grateful for the opportunity that I had to relax this weekend. It helped me put some things into perspective, too. I feel like I can move forward.
25 Consecutive days of fitness
276.5 lbs (my mum REALLY fed us well... HAHAHA!)
Stretches
Evening Walk
SATURDAY
Stretches
A LOT OF WALKING
Darebee's Back Pain Relief
Darebee's Sore Feet
SUNDAY
stretches
yoga for the spine
Evening walk
I'm grateful for the opportunity that I had to relax this weekend. It helped me put some things into perspective, too. I feel like I can move forward.
25 Consecutive days of fitness
276.5 lbs (my mum REALLY fed us well... HAHAHA!)
OJJJEM
Well-known member
Mother of Dragons
Posts: 632
MONDAY
Stretches
Back pain relief (workout shown on yesterday's check-in)
Sore feet (workout shown on yesterday's check-in)
26 Consecutive days of fitness
276.4lbs
I did bare minimum yesterday... My feet are feelin' better, but my back's still a little sore... I'll probably be doing some of Darebee's neck exercises later today as well... It's been stiff since the drive home.
Some issues of the past have crept up on me. So, I got myself a mantra going: I have been strong, loyal, and loving. I will not be ashamed of it.
Stretches
Back pain relief
(workout shown on yesterday's check-in)Sore feet
(workout shown on yesterday's check-in)26 Consecutive days of fitness
276.4lbs
I did bare minimum yesterday... My feet are feelin' better, but my back's still a little sore... I'll probably be doing some of Darebee's neck exercises later today as well... It's been stiff since the drive home.
Some issues of the past have crept up on me. So, I got myself a mantra going: I have been strong, loyal, and loving. I will not be ashamed of it.
And you're right!
