Thanks for the congratulations, I really appreciate it.
I don't even think I deserve that badge anymore. For the past year, I’ve only done Seated Boxer or Everyday Yoga. That’s not much... and I have no motivation to do anything more.

Mentally, I’m still in the same s**tty place. I’ve failed... My life feels useless... There’s nothing I can do to fix it. I’m tired and broken, and I feel guilt and defeat.
I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Whatever it may be, it’s either impossible or I’m too anxious to try.
I hate my life, and I hate myself.

PS. The doggo had surgery and is recovering...
 
Nah friend, doing a little bit every single day still beats doing nothing by an enormous margin :flowerkitty:

It's okay to be unhappy with where you are in life, or to feel like you've done things wrong in the past.
It's not fun in the slightest, but I think it's a pretty normal experience.
The thing is, you can't control what you did back then. You can only learn from it and try to make changes in the future.
Changes can be very difficult.
But even small changes can compound, like how doing some exercise every day leads up to a 6 year streak!
Is there a thing you can do a little more or a little less to make life better for future you?
This year I am trying (big emphasis on trying) to make my life less overwhelming.
For example I am trying to build better habits around tidying my space and noticing when my reluctance to do a thing (like cook dinner) are actually influenced by things outside of me (like having a messy kitchen lacking in surface area to prepare food on), and then tackling those. So I end up trading myself an easier meal for doing the dishes, so I can cook a healthier meal the next day, or I have a snack and cook dinner later than I had planned. Noticing how much the clutter bothers me helps my brain prioritise taking care of it.
Very happy to hear your doggo is recovering, big hugs to you both! :pet:
 
Thank you again. Though I feel like it was more a failure than an achievement.

Doggo is recovering well. Next week she’ll have her stitches and the stupid lamp shade removed.

Maegaranthelas said:
Is there a thing you can do a little more or a little less to make life better for future you?
Click to expand...
I don’t think there’s anything like that. I feel like I can’t change anything on my own.

Maegaranthelas said:
This year I am trying (big emphasis on trying) to make my life less overwhelming.
Click to expand...
I wish you luck with your plan. I’m sure you’ll succeed.
 
Well, I have a question for you guys. Anyone want to start a Darebee program on the 1st of April? I really need support and motivation. I think it's easier to stay accountable that way. Since December, I wasn’t able to finish any programs.
 
Matan said:
So there's three of us. That's absolutely awesome. I literally don't know what to say.
It's silly, but it means a lot to me.
Click to expand...
It means a lot to me as well. I was literally sitting at my computer feeling overwhelmed, trying to figure out what i want to do in April, when i read your post yesterday. The timing was perfect. So, thank you; i am excited now! And thank you, @Maegaranthelas!
 
I was also wondering how to get back into the programmes, this is perfect!
I have a bunch of tabs of unfinished programmes and challenges and they were really beginning to get to me.
So maybe this is the right time to set them back to zero and release them back into the wilds.

Thank you for the invitation @Matan and for the camaraderie @Mamatigerj
I think restarting like this with friends is exactly what I need right now :lovely:
 
I forgot to mention one thing. Since I'll be most likely posting here everyday, there'll be a lot of whining. You know, my mental health is still shit.
I was really excited about starting this program with my friends. The excitement wore off quite fast, and I actually had to force myself to do the workout today.
But I did it, that's something.

I feel terrible overall. A lot of overthinking and self-hate.

Done today:

Wall Push-Ups Challenge Day 1

Reboot Day 1 [III, 2']

Good night/day bees!
 
I must admit, today is less terrible than yesterday. Not good, but better.
I wish I knew why. Is it because of the exercise? I don’t know.
Fun fact: After two days, my total workout time this month is just two minutes short of last month’s total.

Done today:

Reboot Day 2 [III, 2']

Wall Push-Ups Challenge Day 2

Good night/day bees!
 
Again, this wasn't entirely terrible day. I don't know what's going on, but I have a bad feeling about this.
If now it's okayish, the "low" will hurt like hell. It's just a matter of time everything will fall apart again.
I'm a little ball of positivity, I know. :grumpy:

Done today:

Reboot Day 3 [III, 2']

Wall Push-Ups Challenge Day 3

Good night/day bees!
 
My existence is confusing. I actually don't know what to think anymore... It's not terrible, but there's something off, something isn't right.

Done today:

Reboot Day 6 [III, 2']
2 words. Bloody awful.
Literally a whole workout consisting of some of my least favourite exercises.
I still did it though...

Wall Push-Ups Challenge Day 6

Good night/day bees!
 
Matan said:
My existence is confusing. I actually don't know what to think anymore... It's not terrible, but there's something off, something isn't right.

Done today:

Reboot Day 6 [III, 2']
2 words. Bloody awful.
Literally a whole workout consisting of some of my least favourite exercises.
I still did it though...

Wall Push-Ups Challenge Day 6

Good night/day bees!
Click to expand...
I do aggree with @Maegaranthelas and would add that the exercices you like the least are often the exercices you need the most, it is not fun at all, but you really can be proud accomplishing it. On my side, sometimes i go to my daily planning and just say oh no .... It is hard to like every exercices. Take care
 
You know @Maegaranthelas I struggled for so long now that feeling not terrible seems weird. The thing that is bothering me is that when the bad days will come eventually they'll hurt even more than usual.

Yes @graoumia the exercises we dislike the most are usually the most beneficial.
I wouldn't be able to do it without you though (not forgeting about you @Mamatigerj and @Syrius). Knowing that I'm not alone in this gives me a lot of strength.

Done today:

Reboot Day 7 [III, 2']

Wall Push-Ups Challenge Day 7

Good night/day bees!
 
Matan said:
You know @Maegaranthelas I struggled for so long now that feeling not terrible seems weird.
Click to expand...
A few years ago I had a day without pain and my brain panicked so hard at the lack of signals from my body that it forced me to run. Which I can't do.
When the pain set in my brain was like "oh thank goodness the body still exists".
As I am sure you can imagine, my psychologist was very intrigued by this event xD

So yeah, I have some experience with not being able to let yourself feel nice things out of fear that they'll go away again.
It's true that bad days will come, but bad days will also go.
We are allowed to enjoy the moments that feel good.
A sunset doesn't last forever, but it sure can be pretty.
 
It's such a weird feeling, that good is not normal, that's it's somehow wrong.
I'm trying to learn to enjoy here and now. It's not about not planning for the future or wanting more, but about enjoying those little things we often omit or take for granted, like time with friends.

Maegaranthelas said:
A sunset doesn't last forever, but it sure can be pretty.
Click to expand...
I'm stealing that quote.

You know @Mamatigerj it's not about the levels. We don't compete here, we actually have a common goal, feeling better mentally and physically.
I just feel inspired to push hard now, to prove I'm still able to do things.

Mamatigerj said:
i'm planning to do it tonight, but i suspect i will not make it past Level I
Click to expand...
Good luck and don't worry.
 
Matan said:
You know @Mamatigerj it's not about the levels. We don't compete here, we actually have a common goal, feeling better mentally and physically.
I just feel inspired to push hard now, to prove I'm still able to do things.
Click to expand...
I completely agree @Matan, and i don't feel like we are competing at all; i was just really impressed that you not only did the exercises but pushed yourself to the highest level with them! I am very pleased & proud of my level I for this day.:phew:

I would not have attempted this program anytime soon on my own, and i am really enjoying doing it with our little group, so 1,000 thank yous for suggesting we do it.:tu:
 
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