scramJam's menagerie of horrors

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Ahoy! Time to start anew after the purge.

Sex : male
Age : 21
Height : 177 cm / 5.9 feet
Weight : 110 kg / 242.5 pounds
Current weight : 110 kg / 242.5 pounds [PERIODICALLY UPDATED]
Background : Sedentary
Complications : Asthma in remission, overweight
End-goal : Not being fat. My skin tears off like wet paper at the climbing gym. Also now I was diagnosed with hepatic steatosis, sorting that out seems important.

Summary of the previous iteration of this 'ere menagerie :
Started things off at around 117kg.
Home training phase : a bit of Foundation, followed by Arms of Steel and Total Burn combined. AoS finished, TB proved to be borderline dangerous for my joints and abandoned.
Attempt at 30 Days of Yoga - but it was less about yoga and more about struggle. Sprinkled in some basic stretching instead to get things going.
Lost about 5 kilos and plateaued.
Gym membership phase : tried all those funny kachunk-kachunking machines and settled on a good ol' ketllebell. It's fun, stylish and no one else bothers to touch those menacing little balls of joy besides me. For a time, alongside The Gauntlet, did Lofivelcro's Special Armcrushing Suggestion - Beginner Series for an arm-wrestling rematch. Got my ass handed to me in the end. Hard to compete with a guy that was locked on a boat for a month with nothing to do besides pumping iron. Also experimented a bit with different training schedules.
Empty phase : Trip, Illness, being busy... For a while I did borderline nothing.
And, well, here we are. Time to do something again.
 

lofivelcro

Well-known member
Hunter from the sticks
Posts: 593
"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
Welcome back!
Wondered a bit what happened to you after you left for a night out or something like that and never came back. Glad the alcohol had released you from its clutches again :LOL:
Will you continue training for arm wrestling for another revenge?
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Salutations, everyone!
--------
@Montserrat - Let us hope so! I am famous for abandoning things halfway.
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@WSMC1 - :friend: (Never touched emojis on the old forum. Cute bees here!)
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@lofivelcro - Oh, we had no chance to battle Al-Ghul - everybody got ill. Ill as in "air was too clean and filled with life for us lowly city-dwellers" :vD.
After that, due to lots of boring circumstances, I just kinda stopped posting - and "going to the gym" soon followed suit. Old song and dance. Got terribly sick after that - so lesson learned :vD.
Wanted to get back into the swing of things sooner, but doc was against it.
Revenge... Not sure. I am enjoying fondling kettlebells way too much.
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
I don't know what I expected, given that this is a default behavior in a lot of places. So.
Not sure about revenge - but I might integrate some of your signature routine into my current plan of attack.
Speaking of which...
--------
The Plan™ :
I dislike going to the gym on the weekends. Too crowded.
And I just noticed that my beloved Gauntlet is essentially formed around 5-day long cycles. Funny how it took me "almost finishing the thing" to do that :vD.
5 days of The Gauntlet, with a walk+treadmill before and after. Depending on the time that I have left - anything else.
Weekends are for the climbing gym and/or random Darebee shenanigans.
Mornings are for stretching.

Nutrition-wise - I have a an appointment with a doctor, concerning my liver issues. I'll think about food afterwards.

Let's hope I can follow that, for starters.
 
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Fremen

Well-known member
Shaman from Italy
Posts: 3,261
"“Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.” Percy Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone."
Welcome to the New Hive :)
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Bad news - my sleeping schedule got obliterated as soon as I tried to get back into fitness.
Now I either have no energy to do anything besides a "morning" workout, or I have no time for the gym. Usually both.

Good news - doctor's appointment is coming up soon. So I can finally get that looked at.

For I have nothing of substance - I offer ye a silly and sad space song that I like very much.
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Aaaand I've managed to disappear again. But eh. I'm here now!

--------

Good news : The doctor said that my test results are green across the board and she sees no reasons to prescribe anything or to modify my diet. Doing great as it is. Liver problems will go away with my fat. Splendid!
Furthermore, my sleeping schedule is somewhat sane now. I can get back to gym.

Weird news : She also said that I must loose weight in increments. As in "Loose some weight, maintain it for a month or three, loose some again". It was general advice. Not sure how it correlates with my own findings, but eh. Life forced me to do that anyway, so we'll see how it shakes out.

Blunders : I never learn, do I? I went to the gym, ya know. First time after a long break. Restarting The Gauntlet. First thought? "Let's get that enormous kettlebell and do deadlifts with it!". After the lunges that always destroy me. My knees were a-shaking like I was a Looney Tunes character. Felt good.
Long story short, sparing you the fleshy details - I suspect that I have hemorrhoids now! A great addition to my little menagerie of annoying health problems. It does not look serious, but until a good talk with the Glove'n'Love doctor - no excessive pressure for the lower abdomen.

Moral of the story? Don't overdo it with the weight when you are overweight.
It's easy for me to get cocky in the gym and forget that ya already heave a couple of hefty cinder blocks attached to yer legs. So cannonballing into the pool is out of the question.
Ah, yes, taking that "to pick a kettlebell weight, try doing 10 bicep curls with it" seriously is probably beneficial too.

--------

Let's talk shop.

Today I :
  1. Had a good walk. Step count : ??? Length : about 5 hours.
  2. Triceps.*
  3. Master of Abs (1/2). **
* While doing The Gauntlet and, well, this - I've noticed that triceps dips are uncannily fun. They don't have that "you are a fat slob" feeling that almost everything else does for me, while still being challenging. Although this exact variation is a bit too easy. I miss my beloved kettlebells.
** Abs kinda stopped working halfway. They always were my weakest link.
That's about it.

--------

Conclusions :

The Gauntlet is out of the picture until someone with a medical degree calls me a fool.
So I'll probably shift my attention to hands, abs and stretchiness.
Lofivelcro's Special Armcrushing Suggestion will be back on the menu.
Ab work... We have a couple of machines for that, but they are always soaked in sweat. Yes, textile. Not leather. No idea why.
Probably will pick something from Darebee's extensive catalogue.
Same with stretchiness. Although I want to approach that a bit differently... Eh, we'll see.
 
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scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Aye, they already are mostly meat. "Being overweight since childhood" and "loving to run, cycle and stride around" forced my body to invest a bit.
"Sedentary" background is a semi-recent development.
But let me tell ya, with current fashion trends around my parts even straight-cut jeans often feel like leggins - exclusively around calves. It's a struggle :vD

--------

The Beesness™ :

1. Cycling (stationary), 15 minutes ->
2. Splits, 30 day challenge (Day 2 - did day 1 yesterday)* ->
3. Master of Abs **->
4. Biomancer (lvl III, 1m rest) ->
5. Finish Line ***

* Mental image of me sudddenly doing splits in the current form squeesed out a giggle. Also that leg mobility for climbing. So - why not?
** Managed to finish it with less-than-perfect form. "Tortoise on it's back" form. Still - much better than yesterday.
*** My legs gave up a bit on raises.

--------

I bring some boring ambient music that I love to listen to while working out.
Well, not actually boring, but I doubt anyone else will pick that over an audiobook. Still :

 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Ahoy!

This here fine evenin' :
An enthusiastic walk (6k) [1] ->
->Split Challenge (Day 3) ->
->Peach [2] ->
->Crunch Time (lvl I) [3] ->
->Optimized [4] ->



Commentary :
[1] Not sure about that 6k figure - my new phone's step counter is unreliable at best.
[2] I wanted to do something to engage my legs - and something that won't kill my knees. Knees intact, but the legs were unbothered.
[3] By the end of it I resembled an old fish out of water - yet Master of Abs felt more challenging and engaging. This just tired me out.
[4] I am convinced that yoga - is a solid cardio/strength hybrid for fat people. Heart pumping like crazy, everything is shaking and/or spasming from the sheer tension... And it does not feel like anything is getting stretched. Looks like I'll need to look for that elsewhere.



Ramblings :
That passive-stretching feeling while doing splits? Turns out it's divine after a good walk. Same thing with that weird leg-butterfly-move and pulling-leg-to-the-bozom from Optimized. Just feels right, somehow.
I am considering finding/making up as I go a complex of such moves that complements The Gauntlet, once I get back into it, or whatever I'm planning to do when the week starts and I'm back in the gym.
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
I see it as a call to action - and I'm going to ignore it for now. Lots of other ways to make yourself swear and tremble - mostly more fun ones.



Today I :
  • Was extremely lazy.



Alright, I'm bluffing, I also did Splits (Day 4). Still lazy - it's just that this list with one thing in it looks way too stylish.
Doing splits on the polished floor with bare feet is kinda scary. Legs are drifting away, whether you like it or not. Also "dismounting" the split is a challenge - but if push comes to shove I'll just fall.

1666557982961.png
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
That is understandable. Just look at his face. But since my parents decided it's wise to place a scary-looking tentacle monster for lazer tag in my room - the very "real" threat of that Lovecraftian beast saved me from a plethora of other childhood traumas :vD.
1666558940741.png
 

lofivelcro

Well-known member
Hunter from the sticks
Posts: 593
"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
I always thought he looked very sinister. And I had once watched a weird cartoon featuring Humpty Dumpty where he fell from the wall and cracked open his head, the egg yolk running out, colours flashing, it was all very gruesome. I think I was frozen in front of the TV from shock. I mean, I only had football patterns on the wallpaper in my room, nothing else, no one has ever prepared me for this :eyes:
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
The Works :

Fullmetal (lvl I) [1] ->
-> Splits, p.I (60 leg raises) ->
-> Shopping spree (4k steps with load) ->
-> Splits, p.II (rest of it) ->
-> That's it [2].



Commentary :

[1] Not sure how wise those 60 squats with my newfound hemorrhoids were, but it's too late for regret. I enjoyed the workout overall. Which is still a novel feeling for me, despite working out for... Some arbitrary amount of months. I am a bit lost in time.
[2] I want to get back to the gym - but I'm hesitant to do anything weight-related without speaking with the doctor first. And it's gonna take some time.
I understand that I can do other stuff in the meantime, upperbody-focused - but I don't exactly trust myself after the previous fiasco. It's a second time I get too zealous and hurt myself. Now, possibly, permanently. Food for thought.
Or, perhaps, I'm rationalizing my laziness. Pick your poison! :vD

You can layer multiple inline spoilers! That's kinda cool.
 

lofivelcro

Well-known member
Hunter from the sticks
Posts: 593
"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
I see, you have fun with the new forum :LOL:
As for the cartoon, I have no idea where to look for it even. It was an old one, with everything that comes with old cartoons. Maybe of Slavic origins? I have no idea. I only remember the horror.
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Text is very optimized as a data transfer medium, and all those cool gizmos fascinate me. Colors? Hyperlinks? Lists? Quotes? Now that's a proper evolution of human language! None of this "pictures" bull. Pure thought! Feels like a breath of fresh air, especially after all those stripped down messengers. Not like I have anything of substance to convey with this robust toolkit, but, well, that's another matter entirely. :vD
I wish there was a proper markdown support, but alas. BBcodes are fine by me.

Welp, I guess there's no way for you to relive that terror. A good thing in my book!
And yes, looking for "russian humpty dumpty cartoon" was a bit of a mistake.
Nothing gruesome, but still... Uncomfortable.
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Aye, I am... Somewhat touched by those horrors too.



20 minutes ago - or something in that ballpark :

See you Space Cowboy (lvl I) [1] ->
-> Back and Core (Day I) [2] ->
-> Not much, eh? [3]



That part :

[1] Switched to a lower tricep dip halfway.
I always avoided combat-centric workouts, thinking that my time is better spent on pure cardio on strength - with my current form, of course. But, eh. not only was it fun - it got me swerating, huffing and puffing. Even had to use asthma medication. Mostly for comfort, but still. Got all giggly from hyperventilation afterwards :vD
Also I don't feel it yet, but judging by the muscle failure after 3 sets - "strength" part of the exercise got covered too. Neat.
[2] I decided that this will be a good way to passively - almost - get my core up and running.
[3] At least text-wise. Especially after those lengthy rep-count-thing I used to do after the gym.
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Skipped yesterday due to sad things. Had no energy left.



Today I :
Walked 16k steps [1] ->
-> Did Space Cowboy (level II) [2] ->
-> Back & Core (day 2) [3] ->
-> The end.



[1] I don't think I trust my pedometer - but it seemed allright when I tested it. Eh.
[2] I don't know how I've pushed level II, but I did it. Although I had to take small breaks to breathe and my punches weren't as explosive towards the end.
It's also surprisingly fun to find ways to optimize the punch on your own. Most of the stuff I discovered is obvious enough, in retrospect, but still.
[3] Now that I think about it - still not exactly certain how wize those core exercises are in my condition. But this program seems light enough, so I'll just omit squats from my routine.

I am also thinking about logging my meals, just to keep those in check. We'll see.
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Today's lunch :
========
Mainliners :
Chicken hearts, cooked - 100g - 185kcal
Red rice, unpolished - 1/2 cup - 230kcal
--------
Supporting cast :
1 small tomato - 20kcal
1/3 cooked onion, diced - borderline nothing.
Weird mish-mash of shrooms - 100g - 48?kcal.
--------
Spicy dust :
Garlic powder
Garlic, 1.5 cloves
Scallions
--------
Grease :
Vegetable oil, arbitrary amount - ???kcal
--------
Beverage of choice :
Nice tea of unknown origin with cranberries and cowberry leaves mixed in by your's truly. Yum.
========
Rough total : 500kcal, give or take some from vegetable oil.

This evening's dinner :
========
Mainliners :
Pork neck steak, grilled - 100g - 182kcal
Father's Mystery Pea Soup - 1 metric ladle - ???kcal.
--------
Supporting cast :
1 grilled bellpepper - 18kcal
1 tomato - 20kcal
--------
Rogue infiltrators :
2 cheeky slices of bread that snuck in while I was cooking - 60kcal.
--------
Beverage of choice :
Bi Luo Chun tea. Out of season and a bit stale - but still a resounding "Yum."
========
Rough total : with my good father's soup accounted for we are talking about the energy, equal to the dying sun's rage.



Today's toil :

Fighter's warmup ->
Space Cowboy (Level III) [1] ->
-> Back and Core (day 3) [2].

Commentary :
[1] No idea how I've managed to take level III - but I did it. With some breathers in-between 5 and 6, and my form was farm from acceptable towards the end - but I'll still call that a success.
[2] No! It's Yoga! My main weakness! I was betrayed!
 

scramJam

Active member
Thief from the Funky Jungle
Posts: 33
Well, a month since passed. There were some, uh, weird developments. Nothing good, mind.

Well first of all - I got into a classic negative feedback loop on top of being more busier than usual. Became disorganized, paid less attention to nutrition and activity, gained a few kilos back... Not that this is my first rodeo. In fact my main problem is exactly this - failure to form consistent behavioral patterns. Well, new ones, at least. Let us be glad that this relapse was not very long and move on, that's not the juiciest part, nor is at all surprising. At least to me. Just... Disappointing.
Now this is some special bullshit and I am going to be bitter about it. See, my backwater country has mandatory military service as an option. "Option" - because it's an option if yer a lass, but I Iucked out on that front. And for anyone thinking that this is somewhat akin to Israel's system - no, you just waste a year of your ever-fleeting life marching around, building some general's woodland resort and being beaten to a pulp by a not-even-high-ranking officer if you are especially unlucky. Not really interested in that. Now - I'm not exactly fit for it by law. Asthma. I have documentation and everything. All it takes - is one simple, albeit very scary, procedure, where they provoke an asthma attack and close the question once and for all. Not that they ACTUALLY need it, mind, they just don't trust years of history I have on hands. That was formed by a state-owned hospital. Bah.
Anyway, that would be fine and dandy - but they refuse to uh... Do it. Long story, even stupider, will skip.
So now my only option is obesity. I need to go into a hospital. For a week or so. They do a bunch of tests and say that I am, indeed, way too fat. As you can imagine they already did that in the damn recruiting center, they use that standard formula for that. Took a minute. Not a week.. Now that would be fine and dandy, but after that I need to wait another HALF A YEAR OR MORE, maintain that weight (and bodyfat percentage) and do the hospitalization thing again. If I'm still within the prameters - it's done. I am free. At least they say so. You know, the whole documentation for the procedure is public. I know that they are bullshitting me, but just can't do anything about it until I have results on hand. So... It is possible that I'll have to do an asthma test anyway. You know, just as a cherry on that 6 month-long exercise in stagnation. And of course to get that test done I'll need to wait another 6 months after that.
Tl;DR :
1) I need to find a new approach to habit formation. I am currently working on a hour-by-hour system that regulates all my activities and a system of alarms. It's damn time to get the life together.
2) To evade conscription I need to maintain my current fat percentage for half a year. That means... Incorporating sport and nutrition in such a way that I am still obese type III by the end of 6 months, but not a total mess. Maybe I can try gaining muscle - that would just mean also getting more fat to stay within the designated percentage and uh. I am not exactly sure how wise that is. But I totally can finally get a solid nutrition system going, that will allow me to gain or loose weight as I see fit. I have a looong damn time to figure it out...

That's about it for an update. The whole situation kinda makes my blood boil. Not the overall government intervention, I am used to imcompetence and indifference there - but the fact that it happened JUST as I felt for a first time what it means to be somewhat active and started liking physical activity. But oh well.

On the upside - I won't be drafted. I am incredibly lucky and grateful to have that option, don't get me wrong. But uh. Yeah. Still sucks overall.
 
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Fremen

Well-known member
Shaman from Italy
Posts: 3,261
"“Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.” Percy Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone."
Happy New Year
:fireworks:
 
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