The Forever Journey

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
First day back to kickboxing since my surgery! It was good. I brought my boyfriend for the first time, and he seemed to like the class and the teacher. I think he'll go with me again in the future sometime!

I've been very busy with job hunting and interviews this week. I actually now have to make the choice of which place I want to work at! Oh, decisions
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
Well well, another AoS attempt gone down the drain! I'm still extremely busy, which is kind of unexpected. Thought things would slow down after moving. Anyway, these days, I spend so many days with my boyfriend that 30-day programs aren't really feasible because I either don't want to do them around him, or I simply forget. Need to find something similar to Arms of Steel but that I can do every ~3 days. The issue is, it needs to be tough enough to make up the difference of not doing it every day, but also easy enough that I am physically capable of doing it.

For this morning, I've done Captain on Deck. It seems to be roughly what I'm looking for - maybe I can throw in an afternoon exercise too, if I remember.

Boyfriend and I are going to an ethnic festival today. Funnily enough, a recruiter who interviewed me yesterday is the one who suggested it! I don't think I'm going to accept her job offer (another job offer I have seems way better), but she was very friendly and enthusiastic about telling me about this event, and now we might actually run into each other there, lol. Anyway, I'm so glad my boyfriend and I always do activities together, our dates help me be lightly active instead of sedentary! And maybe one of these days, I'll actually have enough free time to go hiking again. It's been far too long.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
Hey it's been a minute! I went on a 30-minute hike today with my roommate. She walked really fast and pushed me...(I could barely breathe! Lol). It was good for me though, I can't believe how out of shape I've gotten. I've climbed back up to 265 pounds, but I'm working on it!
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
Woo down to 258 again! Man the weight always comes off so fast when I get back into a good period.

Training at work is going just fine. Won $16 yesterday as a bonus for winning a game of kahoot and engaging during the presentations. It pays to pay attention! Only been working here for a week and have already earned $20 in bonuses. Not a bad first impression I have of the company.

Ate some delicious Korean food with my boyfriend today. I ordered tteokbokki, which I've always wanted to try. It tasted much different than I expected, but it was still pretty good! Boyfriend suggested getting ice cream after, but I said we shouldn't. I'm proud of myself for doing that!
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
Hey guys, just thought I'd give you an update. I still think about Darebee a lot, but I've been struggling a lot since I started that job. It was very stressful, my coworkers yelled at the clients almost every day I was there, and that would cause the clients to become violent and start throwing things (including a massive rock once) and hitting people, etc.

I have PTSD, so being threatened every week was extremely hard on me. My mental health went downward instantly, and my struggles with food were expedited. I had the darkest thoughts I've had in my whole life and I had to go to a crises center. I quit the job one week ago, and I already feel so much better. I have several interviews lined up, so hopefully I'll be working at a new, less stressful job soon, and maybe then I'll be able to will myself to get back into some good habits.

I hope everyone who's been following along in my thread has been having fun in life and not feeling too stressed :heart:
 

Gandhalfit

Well-known member
Druid from TLV
Pronouns: You there
Posts: 915
"Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being... it is up to all of us to become his moral superior. Vetinari/Pratchett"
I hope you will find a job you love soon and good luck with relaxing and calming yourself :love:
 
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Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
Looks like I never mentioned what my job was! I was a direct support professional. I was working with adults who had autism and severe behavioral problems. They warned us that dealing with violence was part of the job, but I didn't know it'd be an everyday thing instead of a once in a blue moon thing. So I did technically sign up for it, it was just more severe than I imagined.

I'm doing okay today, a little anxious because no one new called me for an interview, but 2 scheduled for one week isn't that bad! Maybe I'll get more calls later in the week.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
I haven't been mentioning my weight because it's gotten astronomically high in just a few months. I really haven't been doing well mentally or physically. I overeat every day, I don't exercise anymore, and I'm in a really dark place. I feel lonely and I miss having hobbies to lose myself in. I just feel anxious and uneasy every day.

Last night was really bad. I woke up this morning knowing that I have to get my weight under control and I have to exercise to achieve what I want. I don't want to look at the laundry and think "that's too much work" anymore. I don't want to have this yearning to go back to kickboxing - I want to make steps to where I can actually get back into it. I want to be fit enough to walk around a lot with my boyfriend. We went on vacation several months back, and I was so out-of-shape that the trip wasn't what it could have been.

I'm hurting so much because of myself. I hurt my partner because of it. Now he's thinking of breaking up with me, and I'm realizing that if I lose this relationship, I won't have anything else. I've revolved my life around him despite knowing from day one how prone I was to doing that (I did it in my last relationship). I want to became better for me so that if I do end up losing him, I'll still have other parts of my life worth living for. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

AoS CE - Day 1 complete (lvl 3). Let's do this again...

Weight: 267.4
 

Saffity

Well-known member
Ranger from Southern Ontario, Canada
Pronouns: She/Her
Posts: 111
"Getting strong enough to keep two tiny humans from unaliving themselves."
:hug:

Sometimes the first step is the hardest but most important. I hope you have a good support system and/or are seeing a professional to help with the mental stress. Proud of you for starting even when your brain is telling you otherwise.
 

OJJJEM

Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 569
There's a reason why my check-in is called "author of a thousand fails". It is human nature to Fall short or fall behind. It's human nature to go right back to square one. It's human nature to "forget" and fall into old patterns. Truthfully, I only last about a week or two at the most in following through with most of my life goals... Then, I fall off the horse and require nearly an entire month to overcome myself and get back on it! I am happy to see you getting back on your horse! It's ok. You will be alright. Sucks now, but you will be alright. You are amazing and beautiful and worthwhile. I hope you remember a little longer this time around...
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
Man, the exercises seem to be more grueling now than they were in the past. It must be a change in my mentality, because when I first became active in Darebee, I was even more out of shape but didn't find it this mentally challenging. But I did day two completely anyway! Maybe it'll get mentally easier the further I'm into it?

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and kinds words. @OJJJEM It always makes me feel better when I see you around. I'm glad you take the time out of your day to check in on me and leave words of encouragement. I'm always wishing you only the best :heart:

@Saffity Thank you :) I'm waiting on a new therapist. I've been seeing my current one on and off for almost a decade, so I've gotten from her all that I feel I can. I might not get a new one for two months, the place I visited is full.

~

I always feel better when I wake up in the morning. It's as the day progresses that things start to turn bad, and by midnight I'm a mess who can't sit still and wishes everything would stop. It's a strange and cruel phenominon. Nevertheless, it's morning as I'm typing this, so I feel pretty okay at the moment.

~

AoS - Day 2 complete
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
AoS - Day 7 complete

I'm glad I've kept it up for a week. My scale has officially broken (took like a year of it breaking for one day for the batteries to finally give out). But I'll use my boyfriend's scale tomorrow to see where I'm at.

I'm not feeling any better. I thought getting back into some exercise would solve all my issues. Maybe it's not intense enough. Maybe I need to give it more time...
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
AoS - Day 10 complete (lvl 1)

Wow, my arms were sore doing this. Surprising since I missed yesterday.
Also, I did Tai Chi for the first time on Wednesday. Forgot to write it in here. It was chill! Not nearly as fun as kickboxing. But it was less taxing, which is what I was hoping for. I'm too out of shape now to do kickboxing :(

Weight: 271
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
Day 13 complete (lvl 1) - Did this before work because...I couldn't fall asleep last night! My first day will be spent sleep deprived (but at least it's just training). I'm going to sleep the minute I get home, so I knew I'd miss today if I didn't do it now!

I think this is the fastest I've ever done a workout on AoS lol. I didn't even do 60 seconds of rest as suggested, I did 30!
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
How do people do anyyything when they have a job and a boyfriend? I've been telling my roommate for weeks I'll play Minecraft with him. Tonight I almost didn't, but I felt really guilty so I played with him for one hour, and even that was like, doing too much, lol. I feel too sleep to exercise or do much of anything.

How is the job?

Love it. Wonderful coworkers, even more wonderful manager, and the girl I've shadowed the past couple of days is great at teaching. The clients are great (though I shed a tear today over a patient's loss of vision, so it defintely gets the heartstrings). I like it, much better than my last job!

Plus, they have a great coffee machine with 10+ coffees to choose from! Heh!
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
I feel like I'm slowly coming out of my months-long funk. The past 5 months have been really hard. But I'm noticing small changes for the better. I'm less irritable. I'm able to resist cravings a lot better. I'm in less physical pain (due to eating healthier - junk food always makes me hurt more if I eat it in excess). My relationship is improving too.

My new job is really good for me. Now that I'm used to it more, I think it's the thing helping me the most right now.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 442
"Hello"
2024 started off well. I went to a New Years' Eve party with my boyfriend, and I introduced him to this lovely LGBTQ group I'm a part of. He got along really well with all of them! We all had a great time and laughed a lot, it was very nice to see these friends (I haven't hung out with some of them in like 5-6 months!)

I went on a hike yesterday for the first time in forever. I was grateful that I already did all my gear-shopping last year - I had good boots, a hiking stick, and my boyfriend's mom gave me a super warm coat and shirts for Christmas. I was all nice and warm despite it being 35F out!

I've decided to make a hiking goal for 2024. My goal is to walk at 50 times this year (be it hiking, a walk, or using the treadmill). A secondary goal is for at least 20 of these walks/hikes to be at least one hour long. And if I go for 2 or more hours in one go, I get to count that as "2" hikes/walks!



1/1
Hiking - 40 minutes. (1/50 hikes, 0/20 hour hikes)
My app didn't track my miles for some reason!
 
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