The Forever Journey

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
• AoS - Day 14 complete! - Boy, my right shoulder was angry at this. Darned shoulder freaking limitations of mine. At least I can tell shoulder related exercises are getting a little better. My left shoulder could do twice as much as my right shoulder could, though.

Weight: 256.9
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
• AoS - Day 15 complete (60 seconds per exercise instead of 30)

• Kickboxing - (20 minutes actual kickboxing, 60 minutes of teacher showing me helpful stretches XD)

Weight: 257.4

Even though I haven't been losing weight in almost two months now, I'm happy with my fitness. I feel myself getting stronger, developing muscle, and being able to push myself harder and go further every month :) It'll make my weight easier to manage too in the long run.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
Still here. My arms were still sore yesterday and today from kickboxing+gym. Not going to make the mistake of going to the gym one day before kickboxing again. The double arm whammy is tough!

:sweetcheeks:

Went bowling for an hour yesterday! (Maybe that also is why my arms are still sore today haha.) Weight today is 256.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
• Chest press - 2x10, 1x9 (60 pounds) - Tried doing 3x10 but I couldn't get the last rep on the final set in XD
• Lateral raises - 3x10 (5 pounds)

• Leg press - 3x10 (175 pounds)
• Stair machine - 12 floors (10 minutes)
• Treadmill - 0.5 miles

Weight: 255.0

I thought to myself, "Man, this was my least productive gym day in a while", but then I told myself not to think that way, and that I should instead focus on the fact that it was still a productive day.

I can feel myself managing my cravings a little better the past two or three days. I'm glad. Yesterday, I almost went to Wendy's to buy a buttload of food, but I managed to turn the car around, go home, and just eat a few snacks instead.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
I have come to the realization that "twisted ankle" is used in the same way as "sprained ankle"! It wasn't sprained, I just stepped on it in a weird way and that made it feel slightly painful to take steps. It was better by the next day! But I still ended up missing kickboxing </3

• AoS - Day 17 complete! (24 reps instead of 22)
• Gonna play some ping pong later today

Weight: 258.6
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
Alright guys, bunch of news for you all.

Bad news: I've been gaining weight pretty rapidily and not exercising at all. I weigh 261.4 pounds today. I really lost control there, eating fast food every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, and every day I would say I "won't", but then I'd lose my willpower and give in.
But the number 260 was always in my mind. Like I said in my opening post last year, 260 is important to me because it is the number that made me realize how much of a problem my weight is, it made me feel more ashamed than any other number, as arbitrary as it is. So I've been telling myself this: "I will stop eating fast food the second I reach 260 pounds".

I was at 259 a few days ago, and I was like "Okay. That's enough. No more fast food." So I went a day or two without eating fast food, but still ate a lot of food at home. So the next day, I decided to be strict with myself and follow a 1200-calorie diet until I'm down to 250 pounds.

Today is literally only my second day of counting calories again, but holy moly does it feel amazing to have gone over 24 hours without eating fast food. To have finally broken out of that awful place I put myself in! Gosh, I don't know how I got to that point, really. It was crazy. I took a sip of water today, and it tasted much better than it had when I was drinking so much pop in my fast food craze. Astounding difference!

Good news: I have a boyfriend now. And he's great! He is very supportive of me. We actually talked about my weight for the first time last night (we've been dating for 2 months). He says he likes me just fine at my current weight but he also supports me if I want to lose weight. It feels so nice not to have to worry about my weight around him! My weight is always my biggest source of insecurity, especially in romantic relationships!

We also go out a lot together, so I haven't been trapped inside my little apartment this whole time. Bowling, pool, ping pong, going to a festival. We're gonna aim for disc golf this weekend.

• Foundation Light - Day 1 complete!

Weight: 261.4
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
I bowled 4 games today, if that counts as exercise haha. The foundation light program is boring. And I'm tired of Arms of Steel. Gotta find something else that is more engaging for the mind.

I'm going to start weighing myself in the nude. I always weighed myself with my pajamas on, and only when wearing light pajamas, but I'd prefer the consistency of pure body weight.

That being said,
Weight: 256.3 ((it was 258 with clothes on))
 

SkorpionUK

Well-known member
Sorceress from Germany
Posts: 315
"Building good habits"
The foundation light program is boring.
This part made me laugh! Yeah it kind of is, right? No shade on anyone who needs to work at that level, I've been there, but it's also nice to feel like you need a LITTLE bit more challenge.
I'm enjoying the RPG-type programs, I'm on Zero Hero now after finally completing a couple of starter programs.

Super job on pulling the brake when you needed to and deciding how you want to keep moving forward.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
Thanks everyone! I love you guys :heart: I forgot how good it feels to post in here and feel like I belong to a community :)

Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I played ping pong and frisbee. We were going to hike the next day, but he didn't want to go hiking in cloudy weather! It started to rain a few hours later, so I guess it's good that we didn't get stuck in the rain at least lol. But I'd really like to go hiking soon. It's been too long.

Health update: I've still been going to doctors about my undiagnosed illness. Since they're explored virtually every possibility, they're going to go ahead and remove my gallbladder. They're not sure that my gallbladder is the problem, but it's a "might as well try it" thing. I keep switching between getting my hopes up and telling myself "No, don't get your hopes up again! You'll just be disappointed if it doesn't work". Frustrating situation to be in, honestly, but I mean...Even if it doesn't work, all I can do is keep on keeping on.


@SkorpionUK Ohh that's a great idea! I'm going for it! And I'm glad you found my comment funny :)



Zero Hero - Day 1 complete! (level 3) I think one of the aliens shot me in the elbow! o:<

Weight: 252.6! Holy moly. If this isn't motivation to continue counting calories, then I don't know what is, lol.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
Woke up feeling depressed today. And now I'm anxious about feeling depressed because I have this sense of dread that I'm going to feel like this every day for like a month now! It's been such a long time since I woke up feeling this bad.

• Zero Hero - Day 2 complete

Weight: 251.6
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
Went to kickboxing tonight. Didn't think I was going to. It just felt like a drag, and I was convinced I'd somehow just feel even worse if I went. But something just inspired me to go anyway.

So glad I did. It's been several weeks since I last went, and I didn't realize how much better I felt after my kickboxing sessions. I missed the other people there. Jumped some rope as a warmup and had fun with that. I don't think I've jumped rope since I was a kid. At first I could only jump twice, but I improved fast and was able to do 19 or 20 in a row!
 

SkorpionUK

Well-known member
Sorceress from Germany
Posts: 315
"Building good habits"
I have this sense of dread that I'm going to feel like this every day for like a month now
This is one of the Big Lies that depression tells - that you will always feel like this, that no change is possible.
The other Big Lie being that only you feel that way.
Isolation and stasis are both completely wrong, life is the opposite.
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
Pretty awful day for me. Discussed a big problem / potential imcompatibility with my boyfriend (though we both handled it maturely and supported each other). Left in the middle of the night in order to go home and be able to cry alone. But decided to go on a drive. Ran over a pot hole and screwed up my car. Now my car is stuck in another city...I'm waiting for it to get repaired. Ah, no kickboxing for me tonight after all. This just really messes with so many of my plans, it's insane...No way do I want to exercise right now anyway, though.

Weight today is 248.8 holy moly guacamole. bawaawa? wa? wowpefsfdf
Guess even the bad days have some good in them
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
I really have some great friends. My car happened to get in trouble not too far from one of my friend's house, so I left it at his place. He took a look at it for me, is going to tie up the exhaust so it's not dragging on the ground, and then will even drive it to a muffler shop for me. Just sheer luck I ran over that pothole so close to his house (I live 45 minutes away from him...it was a long emotional drive lol). My friend told me it should be a pretty cheap fix. Thank goodness...He's made a very stressful situation actually feel manageable, and not like the end of the world. His girlfriend was also so sweet, keeping me updated while he was checking out the car. She even sent me a pic of him working on it, haha.

Also talked to a different friend about my relationship issues with my boyfriend. My friend helped me out so much this morning. I would've felt so much worse if not for him to go to. I feel broken and can't make myself eat anything right now, but I'm doing so much better than if I hadn't had a friend to go to. The stuff with my boyfriend was just about near making me cry. The only reason I'm not crying is because my brain is making me go numb instead. Kinda weird. So I don't really feel a whole lot of emotion right now, I'm just running on autopilot. Like I have the knowledge that I appreciate my friends. And I have the knowledge that my boyfriend is great and doing his best. But none of it is really touching me.

Got some good cuddles in with my cat this morning, too...

No exercise for now.

Weight: 250.3 Just a weight fluctuation, I've still been eating in a deficiet!
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
It's been an eventful two weeks. I gained back 11 pounds just like that. But managed to lose some of it again. Mostly due to depression and not feeling like eating, though.

I weigh about 254 now. I'm still grateful for not going over 260 anymore. It's a small win amid this rough period.

My car broke down again, lol. Going to a car dealership with my boyfriend later today to look at a new one. The financial situation is going to be very tough now, but I think it will all work out in the end.

Been forever since I exercises or went kickboxing.

Mentally, I'm doing great today despite everything. It feels like it's been so long since I felt okay. I am treasuring it!
 

Gandhalfit

Well-known member
Druid from TLV
Pronouns: You there
Posts: 935
"Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being... it is up to all of us to become his moral superior. Vetinari/Pratchett"
Sometimes no eating does the trick and if you feel better for it you can laugh at depression in hindsight
 

Fitato

Well-known member
Mystic from Kansas
Posts: 444
"Hello"
Thank you guys <3

I ended up making the purchase! Though the monthly payments are higher than expected. Oh well. Happy with the car I got.

In the next 30 days, my car will be delivered to me, I'll get a root canal done, I'll hopefully be working at my new job, I'll have moved into my new house, and I'll have gotten surgery done. It's a stressful time to be sure, but it's a comfort to be able to say to myself, "it's very unlikely I'll ever have to do all these things in the span of one month ever again". I am VERY much looking forward to May.

I'm proud of myself for being able to do all these things at the same time. I feel like if I can handle this, then I can handle whatever other chaos life throws my way.
 
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