Back to badass

[MissSmilla]

Hi there, and welcome to my new check-in thread. For those who don't know me yet, hi, I'm Smilla, mother of two wonderful daughters aged 5 and 3, and long-time bee. I used to have a thread in the old Hive, but more or less stopped writing during the first phase of covid. That was not a good time, but I will not give that much backstory, as I tend toward walls of text at the best of times.

The backstory:
So, the year 2022 so far has been... quite a year.

Quite apart from the larger political and environmental issues, a lot of stuff happened in my little life in 2022.

In april, I finally went to see a specialist after not feeling quite right almost three years after the birth of my second child - and was diagnosed with pelvic prolapse. So, no more kung fu and no running, but physical therapy and electrotherapy (don't ask), and a very unclear prognosis. (I'd been going to the dojo twice a week since january 2009, the dojo, the people there, and the master being very important constants in my life through one job change, one move, one marriage, and two births).

I did go back to the dojo eventually for a few last sessions because, in july, master went back to Korea to be with his sick father. He had become unhappy with Germany during the covid times, so he packed up and left. I couldn't even really say goodbye because I had contracted covid, but so be it.

In the fall, the marital problems we had had since that first covid spring came to a head. We'd been to counseling since 2020, and I feel that I really really tried to save my marriage, but I ended up separating from my husband late in october. Now I'm getting used to single parenthood, working 30 hours, and negotiating the emotional fallout from the separation. I don't really miss him all that much, the decision had been a long time coming, but I'm grieving the "intact" family I so much wanted my girls to have. My still-husband is extremely angry and things are fraught right now, but we are speaking and also still seeing our marriage counselor every few weeks to have a neutral third person with us when we discuss things.

The current situation:
So, given I have the kids every night except for one weekend every two weeks, and working pretty much all of the time they are not with me, doing any regular exercise outside the house is not in the cards right now. Luckily, motivation is not one of my many problems, and I've been doing a) an excellent pelvic floor program called MUTU and b) an online flexibility program as this is low-impact on the pelvic floor and I would love to be able to do the splits at some point. Neither of them is free, but I find them worth it. So I'm moving my body. Not always, especially in this season of the kids being sick ALL THE F***ING TIME, but I am. I usually leave their bedroom around nine p.m., and as the alarm goes off at 6:30, I try to be in bed by 10:30, 11:00 at the latest, which does not give me a lot of alone time. (And I feel very brave working out at all after already having been horizontal for about an hour.)

The goals:
So where do I want to go from here? I would very much like to improve my stamina. I had to run to catch a train a few weeks ago, and it was not a pleasant experience. Unfortunately, all the good running substitutes are nonos for people with pelvic floor issues, so I do not have a solution to this problem right now. Maybe when it gets warmer I'll take the kids on longer rides on our e-bike, but right now that is not a very pleasant or safe option. Otherwise, after four months of MUTU (and a somewhat improved prolapse, I'm happy to report) I should be able to diversify a little more when it comes to working out. I'll make more detailed plans after Christmas. Maybe I'll do one of the many new programs Darebee has to offer.

What I would really like is to get closer to my old more badass self. I mean, I've never been a "real" badass, I've never achieved extraordinary things, but I held my own at kung fu practice with the guys, I finished two Tough Mudders, and I was able to do difficulty four Darebee programs. From where I'm standing right now, that's badass. And not just physically, but emotionally as well. I want to take the "bad mom" (what I feel like too often) and "ass****" (what my ex thinks of me), drop some letters, and combine them to badass. I want to model to my girls that you can leave a relationship if you're unhappy, that the three of us are unstoppable, and that it is possible to not only survive but thrive and have fun being a working single mom. Whenever I figure that part out for myself.

 

[Anek]

Hello and welcome back!

 

[Fremen]

Welcome to the New Hive

 

[HellYeah]

You already sound pretty badass... but have fun getting even more badassy

A warm welcome back

 

[BrigidForged]

You sound badass already in t
Your description of yourself

Welcome to the New Hive!

 

[mavie]

Welcome

 

[Lady Celerity]

Welcome from another single mom!

 

[lofivelcro]

Welcome back. I'm with the others, you already sound pretty badass, but there always is room for more

 

[MissSmilla]

Thank you so much for your kind words, everybody! And you know what? They worked. My oldest is sick and therefore took a long time to go to sleep, and I almost wasn't going to do all the working out I had planned for today starting at 10:20. But then I read your responses and figured the badass reaction would be to just go ahead and do it. It's now well past my bedtime, but starting tomorrow I'll have some support as my parents are coming to visit. So I'll manage with a little less sleep (and I don't know how the night is going to be anyways - I love my daughter dearly, but she's currently in my bed and she can be a very aggressive sleep-cuddler who strongly believes my pillow is her pillow, plus the coughing).

MUTU Core 1
Full body flexibility routine
No yelling challenge*


*This is a challenge from one of the parenting books I sometimes read. The goal is not to yell or scream at the kids for 42 days. (This is not about using a strict voice or telling them to do or not do something - it's about losing my cool and yelling in a way that causes tears or aggression or makes me hate listening to my own voice.) If I do yell, the count starts again. I've been at it since july and so far, the longest I've accomplished was 21 days - then I separated from my husband and since, my nerves have been significantly worse. But I do feel doing the challenge and logging it has reduced the amount, duration and intensity of yelling and screaming, which is a good thing. (It also challenges me to try to pace myself so I won't be exhausted and overwhelmed as easily. That's a tough one for me, but will be even more necessary now.)

 

[aku-chan]

 

[lpf]

This no yelling thing is cool.... I mean not yelling is sometimes pretty difficult and I am on this challenge also, since that one special day... which is nothing I am proud of and I don't want to post here for everyone to read...
well, it works sometimes good, sometimes not so good to net yell... but I am getting better everyday and so will you.

 

[MissSmilla]

This no yelling thing is cool.... I mean not yelling is sometimes pretty difficult and I am on this challenge also, since that one special day... which is nothing I am proud of and I don't want to post here for everyone to read...
well, it works sometimes good, sometimes not so good to net yell... but I am getting better everyday and so will you.

I'm so glad you're doing the same thing! It is hard, but I do see improvement over all, and the more frequent yelling since the separation is probably normal.

I hope everybody who celebrated had a good Christmas! I had a good time, my parents came to visit, and my kids loved their presents, so all good. Then we had a lot of drama, my oldest was sick and her dad went a little crazy (in my opinion) and then his mom basically accused me of being irresponsible in front of the children, so that was not fun. But I went to our pediatrician yesterday, she got some antibiotics, and now she's significantly better already (and my mother-in-laws diagnosis was wrong).

What with a sick kid and all that drama, I've been terrible at working out - and today, I spent a lot of time on the IKEA website ordering a replacement for one of my husband's pieces of furniture. But I guess I'm going to give myself a few days before going back to regular workouts. (I did a lot of cleaning and reorganizing today, so I did move a little.)

But I'm happy to report I'm on day 7 of the no yelling challenge and will at least do the MUTU Core after writing this.

Good night, my fellow bees!

 

[lpf]

 

[MissSmilla]

Little bit of a tough day today. The girls were picked up at midday by their dad, which caused me to be a little stressed until he came (the encounter was fine). And after that, a little sad about the whole situation. But I did have a nice video call with two very old friends and got a lot done. (I'm basically rearranging half the apartment and turning the room that used to be my office and our general storage area into a second kids' room. So far the girls are sharing a room and a mattress for sleeping and I'm going to keep it like that for a while yet, but it will be nice for them to have extra space and I'm nothing if not used to sleeping in the same room I'm working in.)
I'm spending tomorrow alone. This seemed to be a very very attractive idea for the whole of december, with sick kids and way too much to do. Right now I'm questioning whether it was wise to decline the invitations I had, but on the other hand I do think today's slight depression is a sign that I need to rest and so I will spend tomorrow in my PJs drinking cocoa. (Not literally, but you know what I mean.)

As I was getting a little bored with the flexibility stuff and also want to step up my game, I decided to restart the core program by the same lovely person yesterday. So today I did

MUTU Core 2
Core Play day 2
No yelling challenge day 9

And now for some meditation - got to fight the blues in any (healthy) way possible.

Good night, dear bees, have a good start to a fantastic new year tomorrow!

 

[Fremen]

Happy New Year

 

[lpf]

Happy new year

 

[MissSmilla]

Very mixed day today - I got a lot done, but also broke my non-yelling streak. It was just particularly hard for some reason, I was not able to finish any task without somebody needing a diaper or a butt wiped, overturning a bottle, drawing on a door, getting stuff all over the floor right after I had picked up all the stuff from the floor, keeping at something right after I had told them no... But I went to the building supplies store to get paint for the soon-to-be second kids' room, and had lunch in a café, so the day wasn't altogether bad. We even spent half an hour outside, which is always the goal I don't always meet.
I had some pelvic floor symptoms, and, come to think of it, I think I had them yesterday, too. When that occurred to me, I stopped doing the core program and will restart the flexibility again tomorrow. I guess I'm not quite at a point yet where I can do serious core work. Now I need to go to bed. Tomorrow, we have tickets for the children's theater, so that should be fun.

Oh, and even though the Boot Camp looked very, very attractive, it has a lot of jumping. So I started Power HIIT last night.

So today I did:
MUTU Core 2
Power HIIT Day 2
unfortunately, no-yelling starts again tomorrow.

Okay, there's one more thing that bothers me. I feel silly thinking about it, so I'll write it down here. I got my oldest a stuffed unicorn for Christmas. She had wished for a unicorn of any size, and I found this online, iked it (I'm not into unicorns in general) and it was love at first sight. She was never far from "Rosalie" for days. Then she spent last weekend at her grandma's and dad's, came back with a small lucky stuffed pig, and suddenly Rosalie is out. It may just be that she has been replaced, as can happen with a five-year-old. But I cannot shake the feeling that something happened there that somehow made Rosalie less loved. I do not trust my mother-in-law. So there. I hope that having written it down here, I can forget about it and sleep well tonight.

 

[lpf]

Okay, there's one more thing that bothers me. I feel silly thinking about it, so I'll write it down here. I got my oldest a stuffed unicorn for Christmas. She had wished for a unicorn of any size, and I found this online, iked it (I'm not into unicorns in general) and it was love at first sight. She was never far from "Rosalie" for days. Then she spent last weekend at her grandma's and dad's, came back with a small lucky stuffed pig, and suddenly Rosalie is out. It may just be that she has been replaced, as can happen with a five-year-old. But I cannot shake the feeling that something happened there that somehow made Rosalie less loved. I do not trust my mother-in-law. So there. I hope that having written it down here, I can forget about it and sleep well tonight.

mmmh.... I would not think too much about this, which is by far easier said than done....
there can be a lot of options, that don't involve your mother-in-law...
and most of the time, the explanation for replacing one toy with another is just simple and easy....

 

[MissSmilla]

mmmh.... I would not think too much about this, which is by far easier said than done....

there can be a lot of options, that don't involve your mother-in-law...
and most of the time, the explanation for replacing one toy with another is just simple and easy....

Thank you so much! And incidentally, Rosalie is back in my daughter's good graces, but there has been new drama last night, aka a small thing blown out of proportion by my still husband, whom the kids were staying with. But I managed not to engage too much and called a friend who talked me down.

Last night, I only did my MUTU Core2 because I was exhausted after painting one of the rooms in the apartment (complete with emptying the room first, all the taping, and painting one wall a different color) and making a trip to the garbage collection site with the cargo bike.

Tonight, I did
MUTU Core 2
PowerHIIT Day 4
No yelling challenge day 4

I'm simply loving PowerHIIT, by the way. I don't have dumbbells but the water bottles I use are doing the job. It's quick, and I can do level III without getting too sore, but I do feel I'm getting a workout. I'm still a little bummed that the bootcamp didn't work out, but I'll keep doing the pelvic floor stuff and hope for the best.

Good night, dear bees!

 

[lpf]

Last night, I only did my MUTU Core2 because I was exhausted after painting one of the rooms in the apartment (complete with emptying the room first, all the taping, and painting one wall a different color) and making a trip to the garbage collection site with the cargo bike.

which is a workout in itself.... painting and all the stuff..

Good night, dear bees!

good night dear smilla

 

[MissSmilla]

which is a workout in itself.... painting and all the stuff..

Oh yes, I totally counted it as a workout. Unfortunately, I have done better paint jobs, but the kids love the colour and otherwise are not overly particular. (Actually, 5 said "it looks like new!" - well, yes, the dirt is gone, but it's still a little patchy.)

Today, we went to a museum and then I made waffles when we got home (the whole shebang, with blueberries and cream). After that I even took a 20 minute break sitting on the couch, which is something I'm working on. (Sometimes I end up annoyed and "yell-y" in the evening and when I ask myself what's wrong, it turns out I have not been sitting down all day except for meals and work and am exhausted to the point that every little thing feels like too much to take. So, breaks. And telling the girls that I need mom time. Which, of course, ends up with them playing on my cell phone right beside me, but I still get to sit down.) Then I got a little stressed about making dinner in time, but made dinner with average success (5 ate it and even complimented it, 3 took one look at her plate, started to cry, then proceeded to take the omelette off her plate in a very ostentatious way (like, how can you seriously expect me to eat this?) and onto the table, then ate the mashed potatoes, spinach, and cucumber salad quite happily. It must be very strange living in her head.)

After both kids slept (5 took a very long time), I did

MUTU Core2
Power HIIT Day 5

and then I felt energetic enough to even do the

Full Body Flexibility routine.

Oh, and even though I got pretty annoyed when I had rushed with dinner so much and then both girls (!), one after the other (!) needed to go number 2 right after I told them dinner was ready, I've decided to give myself the day in the no yelling challenge. I did nag and complain, but neither of them seemed very bothered, so it probably wasn't too bad. (Going number 2 is a big deal right now in our household, for reasons, and it took all of 20+ minutes, so dinner was cold when we finally started.)

 

[MissSmilla]

Okay, another sunday in the books. The day was good, towards evening I go stressed because I'm worried about getting everybody where they need to be on time tomorrow. Due to sickness and vacation, I haven't done the monday morning for weeks (usually, on the other days, I work from home, but on monday and some thursdays I have to catch a train to work after delivering the kids to their kindergarten). Also, tomorrow their dad is picking them up as it's one of my long workdays, and he and my mother-in-law will be in our apartment with the kids, which always stresses me out.

In other news, 3 cut her hair, so I had to borrow a pair of decent scissors from a neighbor and try to undo the worst of the damage. I think she looks cute, but then I'm her mom and to me she'd look cute with no hair at all. Luckily, she loves her new look, I even cut her bangs which turned out quite alright, if I say so myself.

This is just one example for life with small children - I'm not sure if it's the age or if this one is just particularly - empirical. She's not doing it to be mean, she just wants to try everything out, and she likes putting things into her own order. Like the other day when I finally got around to unscrewing the door handles from almost all our doors inside the apartment, because a few weeks ago 3 had put breath mints (like cheap Fisherman's Friends) into the keyholes. I pulled out like 20 altogether. I really hope this phase will end soon, I mean, it is kind of funny (and now I can change door handles, so another skill learned), but I could do without the extra work. Washing doors because someone drew on them. Washing the bathroom floor because someone had a soap foam party in the sink that did not stay in the sink. Using (and then, of course, washing) three changes of clothes after a bad day because of accidents, science experiments (drinking out of a mug through a piece of cloth), or soap foam parties. Tearing felt pads off my desk and a window sill after she got into my toolbox.

In other news, I really need to go to bed now, so just very quickly what I did today:

MUTU System Core 2
Power HIIT Day 5
Lower Body Flexibility + Middle Splits routines (and boy, do I feel the weeks without flexibility work)
No yelling challenge day 6 (barely, but I give myself a little grace)

 

[lpf]

for me this sounds pretty normal.... and if kids don't do things like that when they are young, they will do it when they get older (which might be worse...)

 

[lofivelcro]

Your kids sound very creative and active. Now, I don't have any, so I say it sounds good to me, but I can imagine it not being easy most of the times. But still, I think active kids are good kids.

 

[MissSmilla]

@lpf and @lofivelcro yes, I'm sure it's completely normal. I love how serious her little face gets when she's doing her thing, and I am convinced that this is how they learn about the world - by interacting with it on their terms as much as possible. Usually I can see it that way, just sometimes I feel I'm fighting windmills trying to establish some sort of order around the place. Thank you both for reminding me that our little scientists are just as they should be. (And with age there will come a certain wisdom - I actually caught her going at the winter jackets with her scissors the other day. She told me she was making "markings". I'm pretty sure this kind of stuff will stop once she really understands what can and cannot be repaired easily.)

Last night, I did
MUTU System Core 2
Power HIIT day 7
No yelling challenge day 7

I was going to do Flexibility, but my right thigh hurt really badly, so I googled trigger point massage and was able to get it a lot better. I guess the lower body flexibility stuff was too much.

 

[MissSmilla]

The thigh is much better still, but I didn't have much time tonight, so I only did

MUTU System Core 2
Power HIIT day 8
No yelling day 8

And hoping to get back to flexibility tomorrow.

 

[MissSmilla]

Here comes a very long post detailing the sad history of kiddie-sickness last week. Feel free to skip the first three paragraphs

Sorry for the long delay. I didn't fall off the waggon, it was more that I had a week from kiddie-sickness hell last week and am still in recovery.
Sunday night (that is, sunday a week ago) my ex brought back one kid who had been feverish all weekend (3), and one who had been coughing all day (5). During the night, the coughing continued and she kept making wheezing noises when breathing, even after I maxed out the medication I had for her. We have a little clip that goes on your finger to measure blood oxygen saturation (recommended by the pediatrician, apparently everybody has those now), and her saturation was terrible. Like, the internet said that below 93% kids need to be hospitalized, and she was hovering between 86 and 89. So, I called the helpline (it's actually pretty good, there's a number for when you have issues outside normal doctors' office opening times that are not life-threatening, but need to be looked at before office hours). I spent a lot of time waiting to talk to a person, then waiting for the doctor to call me back, then he suggested to come take a look at her. At this point, 5 had actually fallen asleep, still wheezing. Her saturation was still shitty, but the doctor decided that we'd leave it at that as a kid sleeping calmly is not going to die of asphyxiation, and he told me to go see her pediatrician the next day. When he left, it was about 2 in the morning, so I wrote a few e-mails informing my students that I would not be able to work the next day, we went to the pediatrician and got a diagnosis of obstructive bronchitis, plus better medicine, and she was fine. Two nights later, 3 kept waking up, complaining about earache, and screaming at the top of her lungs at every suggestion of mine what I could do to help her (pain medication, onion on her ear). The only thing that was okay for a little time was me putting my hand on her ear - very comfy... So that was another night from hell, and another visit to our completely overworked pediatrician, and another round of antibiotics. And a very clear message from the doctor to give her nasal spray three times a day so the ears would be ventilated. After the first time, she took the antibiotic just fine with bribing with gummy bears, but I had to literally hold her and force the stupid nasal spray into her three times a day for days, which was stressful for both of us to say the least.

I'm happy to report that now, the girls are fine, have been back to kindergarten since tuesday, and seem active as ever. I bought expensive probiotics to help with their gut bacteria (and, therefore, immune system) because after two rounds of antibiotics each in the last four months, that may be a good idea. The probiotics arrived yesterday and so far they are taking them (medication compliance can be an issue in our family, as mentioned above).

So sorry for not posting earlier, it was really a lot. But I did work out whenever possible, and last night made it to day 21 of Power HIIT. I'm using bottles which are a little less than the recommended 1kg, but I always do level III, except for the ab days because of my pelvic floor issues. And you know what? I'm feeling a difference. My shoulders are firmer, and I don't know if that could be related, but my posture feels better. I didn't do as well on the no yelling challenge, but I'm trying not to be too frustrated with myself, as it has been a crazy week, and sleep deprivation is not good for patience and goodwill. And also, the kids have been acting out a lot. 5 even bit me a few times, which may actually have been related to the medication, and 3 tends to draw on the walls when she's angry. That got a lot better now she's back in kindergarten.

So, fingers crossed that everybody stays healthy, and then I'll soon have to figure out what do do after Power HIIT. I'm considering just doing it over with heavier weights.

Sorry for the wall of text, it felt good to get this in writing.

 

[MissSmilla]

Hello and good morning! I'm going to try to make this quick, as I'm on the train to work and need to get my grocery shopping done before I enter the zone of s***** internet.

I finished PowerHIIT last night, and I'm very happy with how that turned out. I have very little time after the kids are in bed, so the program was perfect time-wise. I was considering just restarting it with somewhat heavier weights, but then Darebee launched Shadebound, and as I'm a sucker for RPG programs, I'm going to see how that on goes. Also, as my leg is not quite enough recovered to start the flexibility program again, I might complement it with Unbound. So I'm going to both shadebound and unbound in february ;-)

Have a great week!

 

[lofivelcro]

Congrats on finishing Power HIIT with everything going on in your life!

 

[Lallafa]

Congrats on power HIIT!

 

[Fremen]

Congrats

 

[MissSmilla]

Long time without posting, but I have been working out, which is the most important thing. I just finished Unbound and Shadebound. I think I'll redo Power HIIT next. I felt it helped a lot with my posture and was good for the pelvic floor issues, which feel has deteriorated some. Maybe I'll get some nice colorful girly dumbbells (you know, the colored ones) so I can go a little heavier than the bottles I used last time. I just feel silly using the "real" dumbbells where you can change the weight discs and I think those belong to my still-husband anyways and also they always threaten to come unscrewed and it's not like I'll be getting into any serious weightlifting any time soon.

I went to a yoga class in my old dojo, and it was good, but way too expensive for the long run. They are asking 180 euros for 10 sessions, which is just too much, even for Munich. I did get a 10 session pass because they did an introductory offer for 150, which is still steep, but more acceptable. Then I looked into the Bikram Yoga I tried years back, and they have a 10 session pass for 180 euros - and their classes are 90 minutes instead of 60, and also they obviously need to heat the studio (Bikram is done at like 38° Celsius, which is a cost factor, especially right now). So when my life gets a little less hectic (which it will in september, when the kids are in care longer), I might look into that again.

 

[Tileenah]

Congrats on unbound and shadebound !

 

[Fremen]

Welcome back and congrats

 

[lpf]

 

[MissSmilla]

Wow, it's been a long long time again, and this will be a short post because it's already late and I still need to meditate before going to bed.

I finished Zen on friday, so yay, me . I'm on day 20 of Hard Reset Strength. My nice girly blue 2kg dumbbells are probably a little on the light side for that program, but I do it on level III and it definitely does something for me. (Also, who wants to be too sore to move the next day?)

In other news, well, I feel I'm pulling myself out of the mud by my own shoelaces. No yelling challenge is on day 17, which is pretty solid compared to the last few months. I've been meditating on 14 of the last 15 days, just because I feel I need to do all I can to stay calm and in the moment. It all still feels overwhelming, but now it's the summer and vacation and a break. And I do feel I'm slowly coming back to my old self. I hope I'll be able to spend more time in the Hive at some point, but for now this will just be a very sporadic diary of sorts.

 

[Mamatigerj]

Congrats on your Zen badge!
Well done on Hard Reset Strength, No Yelling, and Meditation.

 

[Tileenah]

Congrats on zen!

 

[Fremen]

Congrats

 

[MissSmilla]

Thank you so much for your posts, @Mamatigerj , @Tileenah , and @Fremen !

Today is a holiday here, and as my parents took the girls out in their Camper for two nights, I spent the painting the hallway while listening to music. We've been living in this apartment for more than six years, most of that time with small children, so it really needed it and I'm very happy with the result. (Turns out if you spring for the expensive paint, it only takes one coat. )
So I should be fine, but I'm not having the best evening for some reason, so it's great to see your responses. It's probably just tiredness plus the fact that I procrastinated most of the day yesterday and then slept badly because I was also dehydrated. So now meditation and then off to bed. Good night, dear fellow bees!

 

[MissSmilla]

Just finished Hard Reset on monday, so another one in the books

All in all, I'd say the situation is improving, with some hiccups. I've been doing better at the no yelling challenge, and we made it through my older daughter's first day of school yesterday - complete with having her dad over for the afternoon. I realized once more that being in his presence is stressful to me, but we got through it and now we only have to get used to our days starting 45 minutes earlier. I'm a little nervous about that, as we are three people who are not at their best early in the morning, and now with school there's a hard deadline. But as thousands of families adjust to this each year, so should we.

I thought long and hard about what program to do next. I was going to chose Power Builder and just use my light dumbbells, but then I decided to test my pelvic floor and give Bootcamp a try. I did the first day today and boy, did I break a sweat. But I completed level III, burpees and all. My pelvic floor was a little noticeable on my way to pick up the girls, but I hope this will improve quickly. Wishing you all the best, dear fellow bees!

 

[Fremen]

Congrats

 

[BetaCorvi]

Congrats on Hard Reset!

 

[Tileenah]

Congrats on Hard reset!

 

[HellYeah]

Good job!

 

[Mamatigerj]

Belated congrats on Hard Reset!

 

[MissSmilla]

Wow. It's been a long, long time, but as neither my goals nor my situation have changed all that much, I hereby resurrect this thread and hope I will not let it lie quiet for so long again.

I'll give more updates in the future, but one of my goals is to keep my check-ins short-ish, but regular.

So on the working out front I'm happy to report I started Soma 40+ last friday and just completed day 6 (which means, yes, I have not missed a day yet). I'm loving it. I'm less happy to report that in the middle of the fourth set I suddenly felt a very localized pain in my left calf. Seems to be a pulled muscle, which is really annoying. I used to have a lot of trouble with those, but really? After a few butt kicks and just getting warmed up?

 

[MadamMeow]

Welcome back! And hope your calf starts behaving again soon.

 

[MissSmilla]

Oh, and this is non exercise-related, but I just saw that I posted about my no-yelling challenge last year. And lo and behold, last week I finished 42 consecutive days without losing it with my kids. (That does not mean I did not mutter and complain, and it does not mean I did not use a very strict voice sometimes, it does not even mean I didn't ever snap at them - but I did not uncontrollably yell at them.)

I would now like to report that this happened because I meditated or improved my self-care or read more parenting books or whatever. And I'm sure all that played a part. But another very big part is that I got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year and it turns out the medication helps A LOT with emotional regulation. I used to have moments where I knew "I should just take a few breaths" and "nothing really bad is happening" and "there is no reason to freak out" and I just did not have enough in my emotional tank to pull myself together. Now I still get annoyed, I still get overwhelmed, but that tank has more reserves. And that feels good. Ironically, many people are afraid that ADHD meds will turn them into a different person. I feel like they help me be my true self (which is somebody who experiences the whole depth of her emotions, but will not uncontrollably scream at two little girls because the bedtime routine is going off the rails).

 

[Fremen]

Welcome back