Neila's Journal

[neilarey]

Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1
Daily Grind Workout
Extraction Workout

Morning Workout Part 2
Second Spring Workout x 5
Exercise of the Day x 2

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill

Food


Breakfast: tofu egg Benedict, roasted shiitake mushrooms, cucumbers & peppers 38 g protein
Lunch: lentils over hummus + arugula with balsamic vinegar and walnuts 22 g protein
Snack: baked sweet potato from the fridge
Dinner: creamy tofu with kiwi + apple slices 52 g protein

Total protein today: 116 g (acceptable)



Sleep Score: 70 fair (unacceptable)

I didn't get any deep sleep last night. According to my tracker I kept waking up every 20 minutes all night. Then my day started with an awful, rude email. I had to have two double shots of espresso just so I could think straight and deal with it.

The rest of the day was just errands and more errands. Despite that I got a lot done work-wise. And I am also proud that, despite a rocky start, I powered through feeling overall positive. Turns out I can choose how I feel about stuff. Wallowing in self pity all day is just self indulgent and counter-productive. I've done plenty of that in 2024 and it got me absolutely nowhere good. There were some bad news today, problems to resolve etc. I lost one of my earbuds somewhere and since I went all over town today, it can be anywhere. It was just.. a lot of small things all day, you know. Looking back on today, I felt like Neo dodging bullets except I was dodging triggers and negativity. I think I did OK.

I ate well. Even though all my meals today were rushed;
I exercised. I got to 12.000 steps even before my evening walk;
I took care of myself. I got my nails done. It's very grown up of me;
I was productive. I ticked all the boxes on my to-do today.


Tomorrow is another day! I am hoping for a better one I hope yours is better, too!

Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by!

 

[Mamatigerj]

I am sorry you had a rough day, but you handled it like a boss! It is so much easier to be reactive than proactive; well done!

 

[Saffity]

Firstly, I adore your food pictures, I would not want to attempt to show how my plate looks, but I eat around toddlers so the fact that it even gets onto a plate is a miracle. Your food looks so good.

Secondly, good job on dodging triggers and keeping your outlook positive! Nasty emails are awful, and even worse when they start your day.

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

Kudos to you for standing strong, even in the face of such negativity, Neila! You did good!

 

[graoumia]

 

[Lady Celerity]

You took care of yourself despite lack of sleep, rudeness and bummers. Well done!

 

[wjs]

I am sorry you had a rough day, but you handled it like a boss!

I think you meant like a queen bee the Queen Bee.

 

[Syrius]

You did great!

 

[Mamatigerj]

I think you meant like a queen bee the Queen Bee.

I stand corrected.

 

[NightWolf714]

Sounds like you tackled your hardest and most important struggle (keeping a positive attitude and outlook) wonderfully! So I think that's a job well done!

 

[neilarey]

@Mamatigerj, @Saffity, @Laura Rainbow Dragon, @graoumia, @Lady Celerity, @wjs, @Syrius, @NightWolf714 thank you so much!!!

 

[neilarey]

Easy day today

Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1
Rebounding Workout / on the trampoline
Whirlwind Workout x 3 / recorded
It's Adventure Time! Workout / recorded
Exercise of the Day

Morning Workout Part 2
30 Minutes Elliptical

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill
30 minutes meditation before bed

Food

Breakfast: oat pancakes with yogurt and strawberry chia jam (x2 yogurt, x2 protein powder) 39 g protein
Lunch: creamy mushroom pasta with broccoli + 10 g cashew parmesan 20 g protein
Snack: buckwheat avocado toast 6 g protein
Snack: baked sweet potato from the fridge 4 g protein
Dinner: banana creamy tofu (x2 protein powder) 45 g protein

Total protein today: 115 g acceptable


Sleep Score: 70 (good) - unacceptable.

I took it easy today. I skipped strength training and just did some DAREBEE circuits, elliptical and walking. I am still a bit sore and I feel I need more recovery time.

Girl stuff: Today is the 1st day of my cycle. I am not in pain or anything (I stopped having painful periods since I went plant-based) but I feel low energy. The poor sleep is not helping either! I've been in an early perimenopause for about a year now and it's been "a lot of fun" to deal with. I am currently managing most of the symptoms well enough through diet and exercise. I just need to fix my sleep.

Cooking my meals takes no time at all but PLANNING my meals... that takes a while. I am tracking everything I eat and I am aiming for 100% for micronutrients but I also need to fit my current macros. I have to mix and match what I eat throughout the day in Cronometer so I do it early in the day. I can pretty much have whatever I feel like for breakfast but the rest of my meals have to fit into my plan. I am currently going with creamy tofu of some kind for dinner since it covers a lot of the points, it's very quick to make and it's easy to digest. I am trying to eat light at night to improve my sleep! I am so happy we have DAREBEETS now, I would be so lost otherwise or eating exactly the same meals every day. Which is what landed me into poor health to begin with.

These days, whenever possible, I try to:

- Eat something green and something orange daily;
- Fill half of my plate for lunch with vegetables;
- Eat berries daily or every other day;
- Eat mushrooms daily or every other day;
- Eat nuts and seeds daily, but in very low, specific amounts (I used to eat too many nuts);
- Eat nori once a week;
- If one of my meals was very carb-y, I try to balance it out with something low carb and high protein later in the day.

My whole life I felt like crap and I didn't even know why. It turned out I was chronically malnourished. I take my health very seriously now even though it takes a lot of extra effort.

Also, this: Food, Mood, and Brain Health: Implications for the Modern Clinician. This was a good read today

Work-wise, I was not as productive today as I hoped to be. I was not as focused today probably due to my poor sleep. I've done a million little things here and there but I didn't have a big win today. I usually aim for at least on big win a day but it isn't always possible. Some days are just OK... and I must learn to be OK with that

A large parcel from TEMU came today. It was fun "unboxing" it! I bought lots and lots of new cookie cutters, a moon cake mold (yay! Imagonatryitfinally!) , chocolate mold, a puzzle book for a friend, hairbands, household tin boxes, do not disturb sign, different ropes and carabiner clips for the household use.

My precioussssss....



Today was a good day Wishing everyone a wonderful day and sending lots of positive vibes your way!

Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by!

 

[Saffity]

Oooo moon cake mold, I got one because I made moon cakes for my brother and his wife (gluten free so I could try them too) as his wife is from China and celebrates the Moon Festival. I was sure I would use it for Christmas cookies too, but then I didn't have time to make them around my two little hurricanes. Maybe next year.

Good on you for being ok with an ok day

 

[Mamatigerj]

Also, this: Food, Mood, and Brain Health: Implications for the Modern Clinician. This was a good read today

Thank you; this was very informative.

 

[Lady Celerity]

Also, this: Food, Mood, and Brain Health: Implications for the Modern Clinician. This was a good read today

I agree with @Mamatigerj this was a very good read and helpful too. Thanks for sharing.

 

[NightWolf714]

I heard recently of the GI being considered a second brain, because of how much one's gut health can influence a person's mood, mental health, etc.

Though, honestly, I'm impressed by your ability to tract it all. I'm struggling with just the idea of tracking macro nutrients, let along the micro ones. >_<;;;

 

[neilarey]

I heard recently of the GI being considered a second brain

That is correct everything I've read about gut health (and I've read a lot) suggests the same.

Though, honestly, I'm impressed by your ability to tract it all.

I only starting tracking this religiously the beginning of this year. I want to see what happens when I am this accountable. It's a project. And it is HARD it is especially hard on erratic days like today where the meals are not as clearly defined and it's all pretty much snacking In other ways it's easier, too, like puzzle pieces, you make things fit and and ~ 30% of your meals are decided for you because of your macros and micros It took a long time in the beginning to find the foods / recipes in the app. Now that I have things set up, it just takes a few clicks most of the time (unless I am having something very new).

I am kind of split on the experience so far. On the one hand, it's restricting and I don't do well with restrictions. On the other hand, it's a bit like a game where the prize is the me I always wanted to be I'll see how I do in a month or two months, it'll be clearer then

 

[neilarey]

Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1
Death or Glory Workout / recorded
Exercise of the Day x 2

Morning Workout Part 2
Battle Maiden Workout x 5 sets

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill
30 minutes meditation before bed

Food

Breakfast: tofu egg Benedict with cucumber and red bell pepper slices + cherry tomatoes 40 g protein
Snack: carrot salad
Snack: moon cake+ 30 g white specialty chocolate by Benjamissimo 9 g protein
Movie Snack: 150 g pop corn 19 g protein
Dinner: roasted broccoli with mustard yogurt sauce (added 30 g almond protein) 39 g protein


Total protein today: 118 g almost perfect



Sleep Score: 73 (good) unacceptable

I thought I went to bed early last night but alas, I still ended up only sleeping 6h30min. The quality of my sleep was actually OK, it's the amount that was the issue. I wake up about 5, 5:30 every day (I just wake up, it's the joys of perimenopause) so I need to go to bed early, too, if I want to get enough sleep. Last night I did all the things: I meditated for 30 minutes, I didn't watch anything or listen to audiobooks after that and I even wore a sleeping mask like a dork. At least the quality seems to have gone up so there is that. If I get it to mid 80s on my score I'll be happy. My eventual goal is to get 90+ every night. Imagonamakeithappen.

Yay! Baking Day! I had a lot of fun with my mooncake mold this morning. I made bean paste filled mooncakes!!! It was my first time making bean paste but I kinda already knew I was going to like it. I like beans I added a ton of almond protein powder to the paste, too, so the mooncakes were extra fitness-y I now have them in my pantry for future consumption. The only issue is I screwed up somewhere so they didn't stay as pretty after baking. I will brush them with milk next time and use a higher baking temperature, I think. I loved making them and I loved the taste!!! I will definitely make more next week. Aaahhh so many possibilities, so many different things I can stuff inside I used the same dough I use for tarts minus the baking powder. It was the perfect amount for 8 mooncakes (30 g of dough per cake).



I also baked some tagalongs cookies for the pantry but I used the lazy method. I should not have used the lazy method they still came out tasty but very, very, very ugly. Like they were made by a 5 year old. Note to self: stop cutting corners, it never works!



I was going to try a new salad today but it has avocado in it and I was all out of macros for the day. I already hit my FAT quota by then so that was that. I'll try it tomorrow

My current macros split (and calories):


2100 Calorie Budget:
Protein 25%: 130 g
Carbs 50%: 260 g
Fat 26 %: 60 g


Today I also finally cleared my Audible library. I removed and archived all the titles I abandoned so far (there were a lot). They were just hanging there, just in case, like I would ever pick the story up after 2 years! I decided to be much pickier about my books and movies this year. If I have fewer, I'll enjoy the experience more = fewer dopamine spikes. I now only have two books I want to finish: The Primal Hunter Book 10 and Azarinth Healer Book 4 + the Wind & Truth by Sanderson but I haven't started it yet. I have my eye on some new titles I know I'll love so now there is room for more: Dungeon Crawler Carl, Book 7 and The Onyx Storm. The next Wandering Inn book is going to come out in March so I've got time.

I have to say, it hasn't been easy but I am very happy with my choices this year so far. I am more focused, more balanced, more productive - I am happier, too. I only realized yesterday that I haven't been struggling with intrusive thoughts lately. It's been 3 whole days without a single one. I don't want to jinx it but OMG, I am so, so happy about this. It's like having hope again. Having this journal here has been a big part of it. I write in it during the day and it keeps me anchored. Anyone living with a functional depression will understand this. You may not look it, you may be completing all the tasks and saying all the right things but you are dead inside, there is just no joy. I thought it would take much, much longer than two weeks to turn things around but I am beginning to feel joy again. It's still small but it's there.

Today I only worked half a day so it really felt like a Sunday. I took a break ~ 2PM and watched Gladiator II. It was... meh. I didn't expect it to be great so it's fine nice fight scenes, though! I enjoyed the action

I am looking forward to tomorrow actually because it's a full working day and I am eager to be super productive and GET.... STUFF. DONE. Yeah, I am also trying to swear less I feel like I've rested over the weekend so I can tackle bigger things!

I hope everyone had a good weekend, too! Sending good vibes!!!

Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by!

 

[neilarey]

Big goals, small daily steps!

Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1:
30 minutes stepper (setting #20), fasted steady state cardio

Morning Workout Part 2:
Clean & Press Workout x 5 sets
ab work: 200 crunches ( 50 + 50 + 50 + 50 )
Workout of the Day
Evolution Workout / recorded
Spotlight Workout x 5 sets / recorded

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walk on the treadmill
30 minutes meditation before bed

Food

Breakfast: chocolate oats (x2 yogurt, x2 protein boost) + half a Brazil nut 36 g protein
Snack: two baked potatoes from the fridge 8 g protein
Snack / Treat: a mooncake with my coffee 6 g protein
Lunch: cauliflower onions pizza + arugula, avocado and orange salad 19 g protein
Dinner: roasted zucchini with yogurt sauce + hemp seeds (x2 protein boost ) 33 g protein


Total protein today: 103 g ...I am short



Sleep Score: 83 (good) getting there!
I woke up today at 6AM to the sounds of hail hitting my bedroom window. The winter freeze is officially here the mountains are completely covered in snow! And the temperatures plummeted 10 degrees today. The weather was so bad this morning that I had to convince my dogs to do their business on the balcony patch (a small spot where they can pee during the day). They were not happy. They would have been even less happy under the hail and rain.

I felt so much better this morning physically and mentally. I actually felt rested after the weekend! Finally. I am trying to record at least 1-2 workouts a day for the DAREBEE how-to database but I wasn't sure about the light this morning with all the clouds and the rain. I did elliptical to warm up and get my body going, had breakfast and, by the time I went back in, the light was perfect. I got to record after doing my strength training. My body felt like my own again after so, so long

Then... WORK

I listened to some good podcasts while working today:
This One Study Will Change How You Think About Your Entire Life | Mel Robbins
How to *actually* REBRAND YOUR LIFE in 2025 | Jillz Guerin

I had completely different plans for lunch but I ended up making a cauliflower pizza. I had the onions from this guide sitting in the fridge for two days now and I wanted to use them up. OMG, I am making this every week!!! Or a variation of it anyway. I think it's the first time I had a pizza that didn't make me think that I am stuffing myself with useless carbs. It was so light, so filling yet tasty just like a regular pizza. LOVE. LOVE. LOVED IT.

I worked flat out all day today. I had the most fun working on DAREBEETS. We are currently working on the Ingredients section. It's not public yet and it won't be for some time. We are adding an item or two a day. There are a total of 145 ingredients used in all of the DAREBEETS recipes, including herbs and spices, and each one will have its own page. They will be linked from the ingredients lists of each recipe. It's going to take time. Good news, though, we now have volunteers trying and rating the recipes too! so much feedback... so much more work I'll die at my desk .. but I am OK with that


All and all, this was an excellent, productive day. Nothing much happened, it was just training, eating tasty food and work, work, work on multiple fronts. I am hoping for the same tomorrow!

Have a wonderful rest of the day, everyone!

Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by.

 

[Saffity]

Ok, catching up from the weekend. Your Mooncakes look delicious and are so much easier to make than 'traditional' so I may small batch some for myself soon. Also, the ingredients section of Darebeets looks fantastic!

I'm so glad things are getting on an upswing for you. I too deal with functional depression and have had people comment that 'it can't be that bad, look at everything you're doing'... yes, but that doesn't reflect my mental state! I'm glad you're starting to find joy again!

 

[neilarey]

Thank you so much @Saffity

I too deal with functional depression and have had people comment that 'it can't be that bad, look at everything you're doing'... yes, but that doesn't reflect my mental state!

This. Exactly this. I didn't realized how bad things were myself because of that. You go through the motions, ALL OF THEM, so you are ok, right? Except literally nothing is enjoyable anymore and you are just a husk of a person going through life with a smile on your face.

I hit my rock bottom a while back. It was sink or swim for me at that point. So... here I am, swimming

 

[PetiteSheWolf]

And this is GLUTEN FREE ? what kind of white magic is that?! I will have to try it!

 

[Lady Celerity]

Can I come over for dinner? Everything looks delicious!

 

[wjs]

functional depression

You go through the motions, ALL OF THEM, so you are ok, right? Except literally nothing is enjoyable anymore and you are just a husk of a person going through life with a smile on your face.

This is an actually named thing? I live this pretty much every day...

 

[neilarey]

This is an actually named thing? I live this pretty much every day...

It is, yes. I am no expert on depression (I just suffer from one) but from everything I've read functional depression can be caused by one, or all, of the following: poor nutrition, poor sleep and/or exhausted dopamine receptors (too much stimulation all the time). As you can see from my journal, I am throwing everything at it to see what sticks. So far, it seems to be working. At least I am seeing major improvements. My day used to feel like an endless list of tasks, all day, every day with ZERO joy in it. I found myself looking forward to a time of the day where I would just numb my mind with TV (or audiobooks) and food. It eventually became the only thing I looked forward to. I wanted to change this and I really didn't, at the same time.

So... I changed my whole routine in a single day just to see what happens. In the beginning all I thought about was: why even bother. The first few days I felt so much worse than before. I wanted my dark corner and my numbness back. I thought about it every hour of every day. It was torture. And then I started thinking about it less... and less. I am currently at a stage where it's no longer unbearable not to turn to self-destructive patterns but I am still too fragile. I am one anxiety attack away from snapping right back where I was so it's crucial I stick to the new pattern of behavior 100%. My plan is to keep it up for long enough for my brain to rewire itself and for the chemicals in my body to re-balance, get to a stable place.

I don't know if this is at all helpful to you, I don't live in your skin. I do understand the struggle. The worst thing about it all is that we don't really want out of it - we think we don't. It's only when you are out of it, or halfway out like me right now, you realize what you were missing out on all this time.

Just my two cents on the subject. I really feel for you and I wish I could do / say more to help.

 

[neilarey]

2 weeks in!!!! I made it 2 weeks!!!



Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1
30 minutes stepper

Morning Workout Part 2
Second Spring Workout x 5
Ab work: 200 crunches ( 50, 50, 50, 50)
Exercise of the Day

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill
30 minutes meditation before bed

Food

Breakfast: carrot cake oats (x2 yogurt, x2 protein boost) 34 g protein
Lunch: arugula, avocado & orange salad + roasted oyster mushroom tortilla wraps with yogurt sauce (x2 protein boost) 37 g protein
Snack: one tagalong cookie with my coffee 4 g protein
Dinner: fish tofu steaks with cauliflower (x2 breadcrumbs) + 1 small Brazil nut 34 g protein

Total protein today: 112 g acceptable



Sleep Score: 77 (good) I am actually surprised it's this high since I woke up several times and then I couldn't fall asleep for a long time. Ollie woke me up again with his usual shenanigans. I know, everybody says that your pets should not be in the bedroom, never mind your bed, but they are not pets, they are family. I can't kick them out. I just have to work around this problem and work extra hard on my sleep

I got up at 5 AM today. I had a meeting at 7:30 AM so after getting ready and walking the boys, I only had time for the stepper this morning. I did manage to fit a strength training session in after breakfast

Got my braids done today, too!! I feel like myself again.



Then I just worked for the rest of the day. I had a ton of admin stuff to do. I had two calls and a million and one report to go through. At least some of the backlog is gone and all of our new releases are on track (so far).

I made some tagalongs today again using the correct method I had one with my coffee after lunch. I honestly thought I was going to want another one... but nope, I was good. I am super stoked about this. This never happens. I find it difficult to stop at one of anything when it comes to sweets. Lunch was huge so maybe that helped. Whatever it was, I am happy about it

My nutrition is absolutely on point right now. I am hitting nearly 100% for all of my micros every day! And it's so much harder to do than just fitting intro macros. And since I haven't fixed my sleep yet, I attribute my good mood lately to that alone The absolute easiest way right now to hit almost everything is to have oats for breakfast, large salad with beans, grains or tortillas of some kind for lunch, and then have tofu for dinner. If I have a cup of carrots or a medium sweet potato, I am 100% good for Vitamin A. If I am running low on Selenium, I can just eat a Brazil nut.

The only thing I didn't like about today is that I took too few breaks. I didn't feel like I needed any but this is a slippery slope for me. I won't even realize it until I drop from exhaustion and then be right back in the mental pits. Note to self: take it easy tomorrow, do fewer things, take extra breaks.


Have a wonderful rest of the day, everyone!

Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by.

 

[Syrius]

Way to go on two weeks!! You got this Neila!! And your braids are so cute!

 

[NancyTree]

Two weeks!

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

Congratulations on your two weeks of winning!

Love the hair!

I know, everybody says that your pets should not be in the bedroom, never mind your bed, but they are not pets, they are family. I can't kick them out.

Not everyone.

When Shelby first came to us she was very shy and did not expect humans to want to be bothered with her. (She had been abandoned on the street prior to the rescue we adopted her from finding her.) She also did not know how to walk on our hardwood floors. She spent the entire first evening in our house lying on the front door mat. Eventually, when I was going to bed, I put a lead on her and pulled her off the door mat, through the kitchen, and into my bedroom. When she saw my bed, she leapt onto it and immediately lay down. She was home! No way would I ever make her sleep anyplace else!

When Trudy was with us, she slept on the bed too. Not a huge amount of room for me in a double bed with two big dogs stretched out on it. But we managed.

My previous dog, Kendal, slept with me too. She used to kick in her sleep. I often awoke with bruises on my hip from her kicking me. But I would never kick her out!

My dogs are my family too! And they have always shown me such love. They ask for so little in return. But sleeping on the bed? That they definitely want! Why would I deny them it?

 

[CODawn]

Congratulations!

 

[NightWolf714]

Congrats on 2 weeks! That's awesome!

 

[TopNotch]

Well done on two weeks!
Why is it called "fish tofu steaks" when there's no fish...?

 

[neilarey]

Why is it called "fish tofu steaks" when there's no fish...?

.. because it tastes like fish "nori + capers" is a classic combo that makes anything taste like fish

 

[TopNotch]

.. because it tastes like fish "nori + capers" is a classic combo that makes anything taste like fish

That explains it then. I was confused for a while because you're vegan and then 'fish'...

 

[PetiteSheWolf]

Agree on the "pets are family". When I grew up our dog(s) were not allowed to sleep with us, but they had a nice place in the kitchen and all that, and were not in need of reassurance. But I fully understand those who want to keep their doggies close. As for Mademoiselle Luna, when I took her, telecommuting was a distant dream so I felt that after 10 hours office + transports, leaving her another 8 hours alone was not a nice thing to do. So, we cuddle.

ETA : and now that I telecommute a lot, she still comes in for our cuddles nearly every evening

 

[Maegaranthelas]

Two Weeks is Amazing!

Well done on keeping up your log and making all that delicious looking food (those mooncakes look awesome and fun but allergy to beans says no)

 

[VLogan]

I am trying a new technique of Closing Loops. Anything I need to do that will only take me 5 minutes or less, I am finishing it. I have so many things that are just there, at the back of my mind - itching away, and it's so easy to get rid of them by just getting them off my plate. Otherwise they just keep piling up.

I'm going to try this technique as well. I find that I have lots of things itching my brain. Or just little jobs around the house. Some of those may take a whole 7-10 minutes, but if I just do it, then they are done.

 

[neilarey]

Day 15 on my quest to greatness!

Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1
Endgame Workout x 2 / recorded
Endgame Plus Workout x 2 / recorded
Exercise of the Day

Morning Workout Part 2
30 minutes stepper

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill
15 minutes meditation before bed

Food

Breakfast: tomato creamy tofu with roasted mushrooms 33 g protein
Snack: one baked potato from the fridge 4 g protein
Lunch: broccoli & tofu salad (Caesar salad) with lettuce and pumpkin seeds (x2 yogurt, x2 protein boost) 51 g protein
Treat: 20 g carob Benjamissimo chocolate with my coffee
Dinner: onion gratin 15 g protein

Total protein today: 106 g I am short



Sleep Score: 66 eh???

And I thought I slept well! I got 8 hours of sleep and I only woke up once during the night, that I remember. I was so excited to see my score, I was so sure it'll be in the 90s. When I saw it was 66 I thought the hardware was malfunctioning. I refused to believe it especially since I seemed to get enough deep and REM sleep. So, I went about my day thinking it was a mistake. Except, it really hit me around 11 PM. I felt like I needed to go back to bed. So I checked the score again to see what made it so low and found the culprit: sleep cycles. Apparently, I had too many. It literally says that if you have too few or too many you will feel tired during the day. I learned something new today. I learned that my sleep can screw with me in a new way In other words: I slept TOO MUCH.



We had a storm here for two days straight: rain, hail, epic wind. We couldn't see the mountains... but it finally cleared today. Beee-ehold! The view from the DAREBEE gym:



Any creative work was out of the question today. Which was fine since I was going to grind today anyway I managed to get quite a bit done, too. Then, after lunch, I cleaned the apartment top to bottom: I wiped all the surfaces, the kitchen cabinets, the floor, the sofa and the entire bathroom. I've been postponing this for long enough. It was time. I just really, REALY didn't want to do it. And I used to like cleaning because it was like a form of meditation for me. I used to clean especially when I was feeling stressed or anxious in the past. Now I would rather be doing something else. At least it only took 90 minutes this time and the house is all nice and fresh now NOBODYTOUCHATHING!!!

I ate well today. There wasn't anything special on the menu but food was tasty and filling. I saw other bees talking about intermittent fasting and I realized that I kinda do that. I do time restricted eating. Basically, I just don't eat in the morning before the first workout and I have my last meal before it gets dark outside. I have breakfast at about 8:30-9 AM every day and dinner at 4:30-5 PM. So that's.... an 8 hour window? I didn't exactly design it this way, it kinda just happened. I eat around my schedule: walking the dogs, my work and my workouts. I don't like going to bed with a full stomach because I can't sleep at all then. I like to exercise fasted but I can only do it for so long without any easy fuel. So these days I break for breakfast and then continue. After breakfast I usually do strength training or easy cardio that doesn't require jumping or ab work. I do what feels right in that respect. And when it no longer works for me, I change my routine

The day was good, not excellent, but good. I'll take it! I hope everyone had a good day, too!!!
Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by.

 

[Antheia & Colossus]

Breathtaking view!

 

[Syrius]

Gorgeous view!! Wish my mountains got white like that!

 

[NightWolf714]

That view is gorgeous!

 

[TopNotch]

Happy Badge Day!

 

[neilarey]

Exercise

Morning Workout
30 minutes stepper
The Maid of Tarth Workout
Borderland Workout
Exercise of the Day

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill


Food

Breakfast: carrot cake oats (x2 yogurt, x2 protein boost) 36 g protein
Treat: two dates stuffed with walnuts with my coffee 2 g protein
Lunch: green bean gratin 14 g protein
Snack: frozen yogurt with blueberries (x2 yogurt, x2 protein boost) 27 g protein
Dinner: creamy tofu with kiwi, apple & banana (x3 protein boost) 51 g protein

Total protein today: 131 g PERFECT



Sleep Score: 72 (good) I am ok with that.
I woke up at 5 AM today, looked at my sleep score (63 at a time), sighed and went back to sleep An hour later my sleep score went up to 72 I am ok with that. My quest for better sleep continues! I go to bed early, it's the quality of my sleep that's the issue. I'll figure it out

I had to be out of the gym by 8 AM so I did all of my morning training in one go before breakfast and that was tough today. I recorded two workouts for the database but the execution was not flawless in either, and then I didn't have any more time left to re-shoot them. I'll try again tomorrow! I am not mad about it, they are fun workouts to redo

Later in the day, I had a coffee with a friend. We haven't seen each other since last year so that was nice We talked about manifesting, our goals for this year and our dreams for the future. I was remarking on how much this journal here helped me stay focused for two weeks straight since the beginning of the year. I knew journaling was good for you but I didn't realize just how good and how much it can help to stay anchored. I am dead set to keep this up for the entire year. I want to see what happens and how much it'll change my life, change me. Being publicly accountable and being consistent with logging my activities made me more disciplined with my training and my diet. The important thing is to show up, even if I have a bad day. When I have a bad day just showing up here makes it better.

Incidentally, this was one of the podcasts I listened to this morning: How to Create a Journaling Practice by The Mindset Mentor Podcast

I really struggled with hunger today. I was hungry pretty much all day. I woke up hungry and I stayed hungry even after eating. I made a large dinner with lots of fruit and extra protein, and only then I felt a bit better.

All and all, I made it through the day I am very, very tired, though. So I am thinking of doing my walk earlier today and just chilling after that. My evening meditations didn't work out. I am just too tired to focus on clearing my mind so I am moving it back to mornings. I just have to find the time for it, before my day officially starts and before the monsters wake up.


Have a wonderful rest of the day, everyone!
Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by!

 

[neilarey]

... just solved the mystery of my day-long hunger. I WAS DEHYDRATED.

 

[Sólveig]

@neilarey Careful!

 

[NightWolf714]

I was just wondering if it was dehydration. I fall for that trap a lot myself. It's a very common mistake from what I understand.

On days when it's busy and you can't clear your mind, have you considered a different style of meditation? I always struggle with traditional meditation, but I've been having some luck with the mindfulness meditation style.

 

[TopNotch]

... just solved the mystery of my day-long hunger. I WAS DEHYDRATED.

That's what I'd tell my children - "you're not hungry, have a glass of water!" They never believed me, though...

 

[neilarey]

Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1
The Maid of Tarth Workout x 2 / recorded
Borderland Workout / recorded
Exercise of the Day x 3

Morning Workout Part 2
Battle Maiden Workout x 5 sets

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill


Food

Breakfast: beans (from a can), roasted mushrooms, cucumbers & pepper slices, salad greens and mashed avocado 17 g protein
Lunch: cauliflower onion pizza (half a pizza) + N/A beer Neumarkter Lammsbräu 16 g protein
Movie Snack: 100 g popcorn 13 g protein
Dinner: creamy chia tofu with carrots and apples (x3 protein boost) 52 g protein

Total protein today: 102 g ...it's fine...




Sleep

Sleep Score: 73 (fair)

Even though I went to bed at 9PM, according to my tracker, I fell asleep around 11PM. I am pretty sure I fell asleep within 30 minutes but I am not going to argue with a piece of hardware

Stats:
Sleep time: 6h 33m
Physical recovery: 63%
Restfulness: 92%
Mental recovery: 89%
Sleep cycles: 4

I did feel short of sleep all day so it was probably correct.


...And this got me thinking. My sleep started getting worse and worse lately when it used to be very good before. About three weeks ago I started taking my nutrition very seriously, hitting all of my micros and focusing on mindfulness and well-being throughout the day. As a result, I am feeling mentally and physically 100% better. I am happier, I not anxious (knock on wood), I don't get triggered or upset easily anymore. I feel like a different person. About a year ago I started waking up at 4-5AM because, I assumed, my hormones started going out of wack. By this logic, it's possible that my hormones are bouncing back with my new regimen. While I am still forcing myself to get up at 5AM. It's possible that now I am out of sync with my circadian cycle. What I should try doing, instead of going to bed earlier, is force myself to sleep to 6:30, walk the dogs and then start my morning. It's possible, my body wants to get that deep sleep at about 6 AM when I am, these days, already up. SO. NEW PLAN. I am going to try this tomorrow and I'll report back


The Day

It was a nice and semi productive Friday. I took a break at about 2PM and watched the first episode of the Severance. OMG, I loved it. I thought it was about office politics and it turned out to be a SCI-FI. LOVED. IT. I had some popcorn and I just chilled for an hour. It was bliiiiisssss It really helped me perk up. That and the coffee I had prior I usually have two cups of coffee a day. I have a double shot of espresso when I get up and then an americano around lunchtime. I love coffee, coffee is life! I just can't have it later in the day or it'll affect the quality of my sleep even more. When I was much younger I used to drink coffee all day, 5-7 cups a day. How am I alive, I have no idea


Today was also a weigh in day. I usually weigh myself every Friday but I skipped one, I didn't need the stress last week. I still have to keep track of how I am doing, though, so today I sucked it up and measured my progress. Thankfully, I am right on track. It cheered me up quite a bit

My current weight & body fat %:

53.1 kg, 16.8% body fat
I dropped 1.25 kg and 0.4% body fat in two weeks so far.


For reference, I am short 164cm ~ 5.3ft SO EVERY BIT COUNTS

My current goal is to slowly drop body fat and maintain muscle. I'll revisit this again next month depending on how I feel. The hard part is to trust the process and not to rush things. Patience is NOT one of my virtues If all roads lead to Rome, pretty much any diet / exercise extreme leads to weight loss, but there is only one path to sustainable fitness and health. It's a path made of slow, deliberate and consistent steps. I know first hand that quick results are very, very temporary results. I am hoping that this finally sinks in for me this year. 2025 for the win

Mood Today: hopeful, optimistic, enthusiastic

I've got a bit of work to do still (I am writing this after dinner), then I'll do my walk and then SAUNA! Yay!
I'll see you all tomorrow!
Have a wonderful rest of the day, everyone! Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by

 

[neilarey]

Exercise

Morning Workout Part 1
Against The Odds Workout
Exercise of the Day x 20 (took me ~ 20 minutes to record)

Morning Workout Part 2
30 minutes stepper

Evening Workout:
60 minutes walking on the treadmill


Food

Breakfast: sweet potato with black beans and avocado mayo 28 g protein
Treat: one almond mooncake, one buckwheat tahini cookie 8 g protein
Lunch: creamy cabbage salad 10 g protein
Snack: frozen yogurt with berries x 2 portions 28 g protein
Dinner: creamy tofu with two apples (x2 protein boost) 45 g protein

Total Protein Today: 118 g



Sleep

Sleep Score: 73 (fair)
Sleep Time: 8 h 14 m
Actual Sleep Time: 6 h 54 m
Physical Recovery: 72%
Restfulness: 84%
Mental Recovery: 88%
Sleep Cycles: 6


Today.... was a challenge, in every way possible. I didn't sleep well, I kept making mistakes all day... in the end, I just wanted to check out. Except... this is exactly the kind of pattern that leads me back into the pit I just crawled out of. The moment I start wallowing in self pity it's a downward spiral from there. I can feel sorry for myself or I can pull my shoulders back, take a deep breath and mentally reset. The day doesn't have to get better from here but I must. I can't control anything else around me BUT I CAN CONTROL HOW I FEEL. And that's exactly what I am going to do for the rest of the day.

So, let's sum up. I didn't get even 25% of what I planned done because I got side-tracked by other things. I got excited and I derailed myself. I lost valuable time doing something unimportant. I should learn from this so I am writing this down. I didn't sleep well again and I am feeling so, so very tired. The week has finally caught up with me. I can't take it easy today anymore so it'll have to be tomorrow's mission Yes, I was hoping for a productive weekend. No, it's not going to happen and I'll just have to accept it and do better, be better next time.

I still managed to drag myself through all the motions somehow. I hit all of my micros despite not being in the mood to play with that puzzle today. I tried to balance my macros the best I could. In the end, I decided that my mental well-being today took priority over numbers. So yeah, today I am a bit over. And again, I must be ok with that.

Now looking back I realize that I didn't do too badly considering how miserable today was. A lot of it is down to this journal, too. I started writing it being in one state of mind but by the time I finished, I was in a better one.

I would also like to start adding "what went well today" to my journal. It'll help me recenter and focus on the positive more. On a day like today, this is especially important.

What went well today: It's freezing cold outside these days but after a whole week of rain, the sun came out and it was HOT in the sun for a little while. Insanely enough, I managed to spend 15 minutes SUNBATHING in the sun on the kitchen balcony. Then I froze again but I did sit in the sun and it was lovely.

That's it for today. I am hoping for a better tomorrow!

Mood today: low but I am hanging in there.


Have a wonderful rest of the day, everyone!
Long Live The Hive!
And thank you for stopping by

 

[Lady Celerity]

Be kind to yourself. You are enough.