The Paragon Path Towards An Epic Destiny

[Sólveig]

I checked two books of the library; one because I skimmed through a couple of chapters (and it's illustrations) to see that not only is a book that interested me because I would enjoy it, but it is definitely the type of thing that I write. I jumped straight into the novel, because this edition has a preface written by a really well recognized author from this continent, but... why is your Preface as long, if not, longer than the novel? I mean, I get that he is a well known author, very respected, and people like him, but I don't. Having a Preface that's as long as a novel, if not longer, just makes me hate him more. I'm not kidding, the book starts on page 51, and ends in page 140. Ok, I know I might be exaggerating when I said those things mathematically speaking, but why does a Preface need to be that long, a Preface that is more a book report instead of, I don't know, the author's biography, or something. The one copy I have for Treasure Island has both the Behind the Scenes from that novel, Stevenson's biography, and a list of all his published works, all in the Preface, and it's still shorter than 50 pages.

Anyway, the other one is Amadis of Gaul which, again, if I'm going to use chivalric romances' techniques, I might start reading the one that started the whole genre back again. I'm still temped on checking Don Quixote, but I don't like that copy. It has missing chapters, and the Preface alone tells me that it is a heavily edited copy that might have propaganda added to it. I read both prefaces, and they are politically charged. Really, really politically charged, like, names are dropped, praise to... "heros" is given, thinking of them as Don Quixotes themselves, though I wouldn't call one of those a Quixote considering he created concentration camps especifically for gay people, and I hate that it is gay themselves who praise him. Not dropping any names, but if I have the chance to drop names in a book, I'll take my chances.

Speaking about it, I wrote at the last minute. No Watch, and there won't be a Watch tonight either. There was also a powercut, and I thought I'd do stuff in the middle of that powercut, but I was pretty tired, and a bit sleepy. Brain couldn't compute. Everything was rushed, so there were no Burpees, but 2 pages done.

Whatever it is that it's happening to me, it's got to change. It's got to change starting today.

At least I started a book that made me go like this:

December 9th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 10 Crunch Kicks +EC
Count: 1684 - 1680 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 9 +Megaset
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
2 Double Burpees
7 Full Burpees
Monday
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 8 Double Burpees | 12 Squats
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 37

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 9 - 205 Butt Kicks
Drawing Pin-up Girls Every Day for a Year: Day 60/365
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
595 words in 20 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[MadamMeow]

For what it is worth, I have never seen a book with a preface that long either. Ummm...

 

[Sólveig]

For what it is worth, I have never seen a book with a preface that long either. Ummm...

I did some research because I honestly don't want to read it. It turns out to be an essay. Now, whoever came up with the idea of putting a full on 50 pages book report type of essay as a preface for a book that is almost 100 pages long (which is very likely to be filled with spoilers), I have a question: WHAT THE F*CK?!

I don't care if it was even written by Hemingway himself, now I hate that author even more than before, and I think both deserve a flogging. Both the author and whoever came up with the idea; not Hemingway. That essay wasn't Hemingway's. If it was Hemingway's, it would be SIGNIFICANTLY shorter. Instead of 50 pages, it would be 50 lines at most.

---

It turns out it was a productive day! My word count is not yet back to the 1500 words, but the little experiment that I'm doing for this week is yielding some fruits. I'm not planning things out, I'm just taking things to wherever they take me, and I just realized that I'm either doing an interesting story that could be expanded up to 6K, or just a short series of short stories that can lead up to something. I'm having good impressions for this, so I guess writing for 10 minutes works?

It was a busy day, and one of the tasks that I wanted to do I couldn't do it, which is edit the fanfic that I've written. However, I picked up my NaNo back up and finally jotted down a new song for the playlist, all the arcs of my main character, and the first and only plot twist I've come up with just yet. I don't want to fill that thing up to the brim with plot twists; I just want to keep them tight and always be disturbing the delicate balance that the heroine has. As for the alternate project, I decided to stick with a cast of six characters. If it hits on sale and warrants another entry, I'l introduce more characters, and stuff, but for now I'll stick with those six. I'll start writing tomorrow about it while I wait for my turn. Therapy tomorrow. I'm bringing my writing supplies with me because I might also get into some journaling.

Good day. I kept moving forward on my phone novel, and with the experiment. Things are looking forward. Part of me says that I should stop the experiment and actually develop the thing, but I just want to keep going and see what else I can pull off with it.

Burpees were done. Not in a single workout, but they were done. I also put a Hot Cocoa on the tree by doing two sets of 100 Push-ups. Pretty much a "throughout the day" training thing today. I think I like those more than just having a training session fully. Still, doing 150 Burpees as warmup is cool, no matter what. 220 today, because the dice decided that 200 wasn't enough!

December 10th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 30 Alt Arm / Leg Raises +EC
Count: 1685 - 1681 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 10 +No rest
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
4 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
ORNAMENTS 2024: Hot Cocoa - 2 x 100 Push-ups
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 16 Full Burpees
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 37

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 10 - 180 Butt Kicks
Drawing Pin-up Girls Every Day for a Year: Day 60/365
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
534 words in 20 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Mamatigerj]

Cheers for your ornament!

 

[Syrius]

 

[Maegaranthelas]

hot cocoa

I read Hemingway for uni for a course on 'the great american novel.'
What a miserable piece of work. Man gets his genitals shot off in a war and now he's a dick to absolutely everyone and we're supposed to... Sympathise? No thanks. Rabbit Run (forgot the author, don't care to look it up) was even worse, I read 50 pages and gave up because I don't want that kind of negativity in my life. Why does it only count as literature if it's miserable? The most enjoyable read on the list was MAUS. Which is about a concentration camp survivor... :')

Apparently if fiction is miserable we call it literature, if it is hopeful we call it fantasy
(Here ends the rant of someone with a literature degree)

 

[Matan]

Congratulations on your ornament!

 

[Fremen]

Congrats

 

[TopNotch]

Gratz for the Ornament!

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

Congratulations on earning your Hot Cocoa @Sólveig !

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

Apparently if fiction is miserable we call it literature, if it is hopeful we call it fantasy
(Here ends the rant of someone with a literature degree)

Yup. Same attitude over here. Everything we were made to read in high school was miserable and generally about characters who are miserable. (And then everyone wrings their hands over teenagers having poor mental health. For a lot of kids, the books assigned in school are the only things they're reading. And it's all doom and gloom, death and apocalypse.)

I studied drama at uni. In the drama department the rule was not so much that a play had to be miserable to be good. But there was very much an attitude that it all had to be message theatre. So we did get to study some comedies if they were biting sociopolitical satires. But musicals? Oh, good heavens, no! That is all mindless tripe! (Never mind that musicals are vastly more popular than preachy political plays and are actually far more likely to get their message across given that a.) far more people see them, and b.) the strong emotional reactions they induce are far more effective than angry preaching is ever going to be.

 

[Sólveig]

Thank you everyone!

hot cocoa

I read Hemingway for uni for a course on 'the great american novel.'
What a miserable piece of work. Man gets his genitals shot off in a war and now he's a dick to absolutely everyone and we're supposed to... Sympathise? No thanks. Rabbit Run (forgot the author, don't care to look it up) was even worse, I read 50 pages and gave up because I don't want that kind of negativity in my life. Why does it only count as literature if it's miserable? The most enjoyable read on the list was MAUS. Which is about a concentration camp survivor... :')

Well, I mentioned Hemingway not because of his novels, but because he had a tendency to write as little as possible. I always joke around saying that if Taken's monologue was written by him, it would be reduced to Liam Neeson saying "If you don't return my daughter, I'll kill you," hence 50 lines at most, and that's a stretch.

Nevertheless, I get it. I'm still wondering why For Whom The Bell Tolls had to end the way it ended when it could've been much more better.

Apparently if fiction is miserable we call it literature, if it is hopeful we call it fantasy
(Here ends the rant of someone with a literature degree)

You people have a better outlook on it than us. Here in Latinamerica we don't call it fantasy. We call it a piece of sh*t. Literally. I blame Jorge Luis Borges for that elitism.

 

[Anek]

Congrats on the ornament!!

 

[FlowersandPetals]

Congrats on the ornament

 

[Sólveig]

@Anek @FlowersandPetals Thanks!

---

There could've been a Watch, but a surprise powercut right when I was journaling got me so angry that I just decided to sleep through instead. Nevertheless, I got my writing done! No Burpees though; I walked a lot yesterday, so I decided to skip on the Burpees instead. There was a powercut in the middle of the day though, and I had to survive it by writing outside, something in Spanish. I was a bit afraid; stage fright to be exact, but I got 900 words done. I also kept on with the 10-minute things, and it's all good. Nearly got 1500 words. Seriously, a total of 1491 words in total. My to-do list was done fully, with the exception that I let one item from it slip through. I couldn't do it because I needed power and the computer, and in spite of me writing a lot, it wasn't like I had too much time to write. In total, 86 minutes. Most of my time got stolen. At least the one I had in the afternoon.

The one in the morning was not stolen. I was on therapy, and I actually feel very validated about one thing: my perfectionism, and the toxic relationship I had with music... I'm not the only one. It was so bad that I had to look up the manifestos of the conservatory and the Sistema and saw the reality of it. One of them didn't follow it, and the other one followed it so well that instead of being the cure for society they claimed to be (I'm paraphrasing here), it was doing more harm than good. All I got from my trauma was perfectionism, but my therapist, and his partners have patients from there facing suicidal ideations, suicide attempts, self-sabotage, low self-steem, and the list of mental health issues goes on. No wonder why the music community is so toxic and competitive here. Honestly, I was really sad about hearing that I'm not the only one, but I'm also relieved. It wasn't just me, and it wasn't just my idea, there is genuinely an issue going on, and the Sistema manifesto talking about excellence in its vision says a lot. When I read the philosophy part, it felt like a travesty. It really talked about overcoming challenges and being an example, but challenges are meant to make you better, not cripple you, and examples should empower you, not bring you down.

Honestly, I am so glad that I got out of music. It could have been much worse if I stayed, and people keep asking me about music, about what I'm doing, what projects I have. I even got invited to the radio yesterday, while I was at the bakery, to talk about music and culture. I told him that I'll reach out next year, but other than that, nothing. I know, this might be an opportunity to promote my writing, hence I said next year, but the truth is that I don't really write something that should be broadcast on the radio during suntime, else the radio station would be closed the next day, and if things get really bad, a manhunt might be put on me. Oh yeah, things are bad in a State that really loves to be antifascist and also fascist themselves. I could take my chances, but right now is not the time. I'm not saying no to it, I'm saying not yet. Maybe once a book finds its way here, and I have enough resources, I'll do it. For now though, I'm keeping a low profile. Here, writing erotica is already bad enough because it might be on a gray legal area, but add the social commentary I put on... you might see the Law Against Hatred being used against me. Yes, that's a real law, and it has been a law since 2017.

2025 is going to be quite a downfall if I don't rush out of here. I didn't mean this to be such a dark entry, but it's just that whenever someone asks me about music, it rubs me in the wrong way. I'm already retired from it, and all I do is give guitar lessons. Whenever someone brings that subject up, sometimes I just don't want to see a musical note ever in my entire life. It's bad enough that I can't understand the people who love music so much that their bedrooms might just be a Bach partita, and I really cringe when people have all these knick knacks as decorations in their desks and stuff... There was a day today in which I just wanted to sell off my guitar and be through with it once and for all. It's just not there. It doesn't call me anymore, and I'm really trying too much into having it back, but I lost it. And I'm so glad that I lost it. I just don't want to pretend anymore.

The musician died in my twenties. I am a writer. I am a writer, and I'll make sure people are going to curse my name.

December 11th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 20 Squat Hops on the Spot +EC
Count: 1686 - 1682 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 11 +Megaset
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 16 Jumping Jacks
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 37

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 11 - 169 Butt Kicks
Drawing Pin-up Girls Every Day for a Year: Day 60/365
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
1491 words in 66 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[MadamMeow]

Congrats on earning your cocoa!

 

[Sólveig]

@MadamMeow Thanks!

---

I'm noticing that this December has seen me using more Hall Passes than years before. There is an issue with time, and I've been stolen from it quite a lot this year. Today I had the illusion of having plenty of time, and the illusion of solitude. I'm saying illusion because it looked like that, but it wasn't like that. Like I said, time got stolen from me, and I couldn't do the tasks of my day, and I wasn't alone so that I could experience things that I need.

It wasn't all bad. I still got to write. In fact, inspiration struck in the middle of a workout, so I had to pause for 12 minutes to jot down the thing that was in my head before I forget it. It was a good call, because otherwise I wouldn't have written it again, nor I would've done it so beautifully. 450 words in 12 minutes? In my native language? I told you I can do double of my output in my native language instead of English! It's only a fragment of a longer story though, and it is part of my alternate project. I didn't do anything with NaNo, except that now I have a couple of issues. If I go fully TV show mode, and have the episodical structure of a chivalric romance, and incorporate side plots to not drag the story, make it feel more realistic as if it was just a slice of life going on, and make something longer, I am at the risk of turning the story boring. There's one way I could add conflict to it, and while it is a valid way, I don't want to use that in this particular story because it feels too personal. I could kill my darling, for sure, but right now I don't think I should. The other option is to just trust in the Hero's Journey, keep things short, and focus on the five arcs that the main character has, and just do all of them throughout each stage, and end it. This approach might lead to something more similar to Michael Connely's Lost Light, which I don't mind writing something like that, especially if it means shortening the work. Part of me leans more towards it, so I can just return Amadis of Gaul to the library and read Lost Light again instead, since that's a book that I own. Then again, I love Amadis of Gaul, so I'll just keep reading it, but for fun, and for sumarizing chapters too because, well, anything that I get from it might work.

I'll still have to meditate upon it and do a better comparison. At the end of the day, I'll pick something that works for both myself, and the novel perfectly. I can simply do the Fleming method and just write chronologically, and once the entire story is laid out, I'll do the John Romero approach and start editing from the middle, leaving the first and last level by the end. That's how DooM's levels were designed: middle levels first, and then final and first levels got designed last. The explanaition is because the levels that are designed first will be bad, and the first and last levels are key to the experience because the first level is the hook, and the last level is the climax. These two can shine the most when they are done last because, by that point, the level designer already has the expertise they need to craft an excellent level. This is from gam design, but here's the thing: DooM's main influence was from AD&D, and that lesson really translates well into writing. Hence I'll start from the middle once the novel's skeleton is fully laid out.

1K words today, again, but this time I got nowhere near 1.5K. Nevertheless, I'm approaching the end of the experiment, and by Saturday I'll have a brand new short story that could actually be the start of a series, or something... I don't know. I'll know once it's over, and next week I'll start another one. Writing for 10 minutes daily to just churn out words, creating short stories that may have no end and stuff, seems like a good practice. I can even double the output by making two stories or three instead of one. Again, it's 10 minutes! I can do those at any point during the day. As long as I'm churning out bad things, I'm alright. I'm okay with having bad writing on the queue because at least I can fix it before it goes live, and I can do that in just a couple of days. Of course, that doesn't mean I should write three simultaneous stories now. If I don't feel like it, I can just stick with one. So far I've doing that with my phone story, which is going alright! It finally reached 3K today, and it's going great. Writing in DOSBox with WordPerfect is still really cool, and writing in Obsidian in my phone is starting to grow on me more. I feel confident about using these two, even if WordPerfect can be tricky without LibreOffice or Windows 3.1 with Office in it, but it's manageable. I have LibreOffice, so I can work with it without needing to install Microsoft Office on a Windows 3.1 instance in DOSBox. Anyone who is wondering, yes, it's possible to have a full blown install of Windows 3.x and 9.x on DOSBox. I've done it with Windows 3.1, and while it requires some configuration to improve the cycles (with the proper SVGA drivers installed on Windows 3.1, of course) and better hardware for me, I've done it, and even played games in it. That's how I converted files from the WordPerfect format into the doc format and managd to open them in Windows 8.1, long before I switched to use Linux as a main driver.

Maybe I can do more sessions in a day at one point this week because I'll be at a dinner, and I'll be pretty bored. Writing beats doomscrolling on one hand, and it just means that I have another book on the way, on the othre hand. One that I'm writing slowly, but I'm writing anywhere, and one that I can just lock myself out of the world without complete isolation, and keep on churning words until the manuscript is finished.

I also found out that my perfectionism wasn't the only problem from my youth. My people-pleasing tendencies also stem from it, and are much more obvious. I ranted in my previous entry how much I was done with music. I mean that. I'm really considering to be more dramatic about it and write a resignation letter to put on my Facebook, almost like the United States Declaration of Independence, and call out everyone to stop contacting me for anything related with music since I don't want to have anything to do with it. Hell, I could just add to it a picture of a broken guitar to be even more dramatic. I want to focus on writing alone this time, and I'm really driven to get these pair of books that I'm writing published next year.

Thank Freyja I started this alternate project. Otherwise, I'd be really anxious about not writing my novel, but using anthological novels and anthologies as a bufer to come to whenever I'm not able to write my main novel truly helps, and it really does curve with my ADHD. Honestly, I never thought about the issue of having a longer work, and the need for more conflicts had not been for this. For more context about it, it is a romance, and romances are usually really short. I already did my calculations on NaNo, and this is something that is going to go beyond 85K, no matter how much I cut from it, but the way I figured a structure was just too much: 180K. That's why I'm thinking about doing something better, and I'm really focusing in structure because I don't want to go freely, or else I'll face the same issue I had with NaNoWriMo: stops due to burnout in the middle of writing. I do have a summary of each stage of the Hero's Journey though. So I guess I should just cut the 180K in half.

I'll think about it. Right now, I'm going to fight my perfectionism during this Watch.

December 12th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 20 Bridge Taps +EC
Count: 1687 - 1683 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Hall Pass #3 +Jumping Jacks instead of Step Jacks
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 20 Full Burpeees
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 37

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 12 - 218 Butt Kicks
Drawing Pin-up Girls Every Day for a Year: Day 60/365
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
1045 words in 32 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Maegaranthelas]

One of my besties went to an art college and is really struggling with the mental harm experiences there.
A few years after their graduation, it was actually in the news that there was going to be an inquiry into why so many former and current students end up with PTSD from studying there.
Unfortunately it seems some art education really just devolves into putting students down to make the teachers feel better about their own lack of a career or something.
I've seen how much my friend struggles still, and I am sorry you went through the same thing. It's abhorrent.
And yeah, it's entirely valid if you can't enjoy music like you used to. Maybe the passion will return one day, but there's no need to force yourself to find it.
I'm glad you found writing to unleash your creative spirit

 

[NancyTree]

Yay for the Ornament!

 

[Sólveig]

One of my besties went to an art college and is really struggling with the mental harm experiences there.
A few years after their graduation, it was actually in the news that there was going to be an inquiry into why so many former and current students end up with PTSD from studying there.
Unfortunately it seems some art education really just devolves into putting students down to make the teachers feel better about their own lack of a career or something.
I've seen how much my friend struggles still, and I am sorry you went through the same thing. It's abhorrent.
And yeah, it's entirely valid if you can't enjoy music like you used to. Maybe the passion will return one day, but there's no need to force yourself to find it.
I'm glad you found writing to unleash your creative spirit

That is horrible! In my case I feel like I got the good end of the stick with perfectionism and limiting thoughts, but PTSD from going through an art college should never happen.

The thing about the Conservatory is that a lot of teachers are very orthodox in their ways. I can only remember five of them that actually upheld the manifesto, one of them being my piano teacher, who was the best teacher I've ever had in my life, and the one who motivated me into taking writing seriously because he is also a writer, but that's a small number in contrast to the amount of people in charge of teaching music over there, from advanced students, to teachers, and conductors. The harshest ones are the conductors, really. I thought things improved when a new generation of teachers came over there, but by the looks of it, things are staying the same. Some of them even went to the same university I went to and swore the same oath I did, but they seem to have broken it as soon as they entered the classroom.

I didn't though. When I quit my job at the high school, it was because of that oath. I am not going to perpetrate the same mistakes, and everyone deserves better than what we've got. No one should go through any art school and then leave with more harm than before entering.

Sadly, there's no inquiries happening here. Both the Conservatory and the Sistema, while very competitive against each other, have deep pockets and are quite in bed with the government, so any investigation is impossible... unless someone manages to safely blow the whistle without being censored, or worse: have the Law Against Hatred enforced against them.

 

[Matan]

I switched to use Linux as a main driver

I'm just curious, what distro are you using?

 

[Sólveig]

@Matan AntiX Linux, so Debian. x86; I'm on a refurbished laptop. I used to have Lubuntu on my Desktop, but it broke, so I'm very limited to software stuff. I did like Lubuntu though, it was a good place to start learning.

 

[Sólveig]

This is not my log entry. This is just me ranting about NaNo, but if for some reason you happen to be a colorful Rainbow Dragon named Laura, or a shieldmaiden named Nevetharine, or are interested in writing, any advice, opinion, thought, kudos, pat with "there there," or even a thumbs up is welcome, if you have any.

I believe I f*cked it up royally again, but thankfully, I did NOT start the rewriting process. I'm so glad this is just preparing, and now I noticed a HUGE issue with my original idea.

Yes, I took Amadis of Gaul to read it because I wanted to make an episodical approach. In fact, due to the story being divided in three segments, I actually wanted to make it a bit like a TV show with three seasons, each with 10 episodes, and each episode had a very especific word limit. This was good, honestly, as it provided me a 50:50 ratio in which I could get out of the main plot and start doing small sideplots as short stories and things, like doing a D&D campaign, and it was going to be fun! Thing is... this approach would have to nail me a total count of at least... oh my f*ck, 150K words! One hundred and fifty thousand! That was the low end! For what I write is WAY TOO MUCH, let alone for a romance. Not only that, but the story relies upon five arcs, and out of all those arcs, the one that is creating the conflict is the romantic one, as that was supposed to be the idea. Doing this, with that extension, would make me force to make the romance arc fall flat, and that's the big issue because it's the romance arc the one that triggers the Hero's Journey in the first place. If the plot was different, this could've work as a serialized product, but the way it is is jut not going to cut it.

So I took Lost Light. The book has numbered, untitled chapters, but each one of those chapters is only one scene. It has a prologue, but no epilogue. 45 chapters in total. They all vary in length. I don't really like that, but I might have to go after it. This will also drastically reduce the final wordcount, plus I can use the 17 stages of the Hero's Journey as invisible chapters in which I could distribute each scene and stuff. Thankfully, unlike Amadis of Gaul, Lost Light is a book that I own, and I'm more than willing to read it again because it's a Harry Bosch novel, obviously I want to read it again just by that fact alone! The downside is that I'll have to cancle any sideplots and focus on the main arcs, but I think it's a good tradeoff because now I can make the romance arc shine, the Hero's Journey be the main focus, and I can also pull a first Matrix movie on this novel and actually solve all five arcs in the climax. I do like to leave some loose ends however, not to sequel bait, but open endings to me work perfectly to leave some stuff to the imagination, theories, and the what-ifs and what-if-nots. Who knows? If I end up doing chapters, I'll probably do 20 to give myself a chance to extend some stages, create more conflict, and even add some subplots to the conflict of the Hero's Journey.

So yeah, I got a structure in place, and now I must shift from Amadis of Gaul to Lost Light. I'll still read Amadis of Gaul though, as learning it's structure will work for me for future works (say, for instance, making a series that actually feels like a TV show series), but for this project in particular, Lost Light is the perfect choice.

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

My advice to you @Sólveig is: tell the story you want to tell. Just write it. Do not worry about the structure. Do not worry about the wordcount. Just write the thing. Get it all out. All of this stuff you are worrying about now has nothing to do with the first draft. Just finish the story. Put everything in it you want to put in it. And write it through to the end. Once it's done, you can decide what you want to do with it. But before then, you just don't know.

Yes, 150K is long for a romance novel. So what? That's only relevant if you decide you want to sell this story as a romance novel to a traditional publisher. And maybe you will decide that. Or maybe you'll decide, "I'm glad I wrote this story. It was good to get it out of my system, and I learned a lot from writing it. But I'm done with it. I don't want to have to keep living with this story for another three, four, five, maybe more years of submissions and revisions and copy edits and marketing. This one's going in my trunk." Or maybe you'll decide to self-publish it. In which case the word count can be whatever you want it to be. Maybe you'll decide it will work better as a film project, and try to sell it as a TV mini-series or web series or some such. Maybe you'll decide to self-publish it as a written work but in an episodic format. Maybe you'll decide you've crammed two or three or five or whatever number of stories into one and they'll work better separated out from one another. Maybe, maybe, maybe... but these are all decisions for much later.

If you get to the end of your story and decide you really do want to sell it as a straight romance novel to a traditional publisher, you can figure out then what to cut to make the story work for that market. You cannot see that now. So don't try. Write it all down. Only then will you know what you actually have.

You are overanalyzing things and pulling hairs out worrying about the marketing niche of a story you haven't even finished writing yet! All of this fretting is premature. And it's distracting you from the work you actually need to be doing right now. Just write the damn story.

 

[Matan]

Awesome, your laptop is probably lightning fast now.
I switched to Linux Mint (on my also refurbished laptop) couple of months ago, and I'm really happy with it.

High five for keeping those older devices running!

 

[Sólveig]

@Laura Rainbow Dragon Did you... did you just say to stop procrastinating and write? You know what? You just showed me something that I wasn't aware of, but yeah, that may be just my perfectionism speaking.

---

Aside from the writing fiasco from above, it was a pretty busy day. I was supposed to start a Values Manifesto, but I ended up doing it, and all it needs is just some editing, and perhaps a nice design in Canva, but for now it's out, and visible for me to always see and practice one singular value each day. Some of them are actually opportunities to both transition, and to learn to say no. It was a day for journaling, and writing too. While I did not advance in any of my books, I am narly done with the weekly thing, and again, I think I'm getting the hang of this.

Yes Burpees too! D&D has been also confirmed for Sunday. No Watch though; I slept through.

December 13th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 40 Clench / Unclench +EC
Count: 1688 - 1684 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 13 +Megaset
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 20 Sit-ups
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 37

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 13 - 200 Butt Kicks
Drawing Pin-up Girls Every Day for a Year: Day 60/365
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
1141 words in 43 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

@Laura Rainbow Dragon Did you... did you just say to stop procrastinating and write?

I know how to recognize my own kind.

 

[Sólveig]

I'm quickly running out of Hall Passes. Today was difficult. I was completely in a rush, and I couldn't get to do the many things in my list. At least I managed to carve out a few minutes to write throughout the day, including in the middle of the Christmas dinner we had at the non-profit. In fact, I wrote for 14 minutes: 4 first, because I got interrupted, and then I managed to go through 10 completely. It was also a party to celebrate my birthday, because we didn't do that last month, so they moved it to this month. Nevertheless, there's plenty of associates whose birthday is on December, so that's still on the list.

It was a fun day, even though it was stressful to get things done without knowing at what time we were supposed to go to dinner. I managed to do my workout early today, and guess what, another dance day goes to the count because I danced at the party. I wasn't feeling like it, but then I had my values in mind, plus the changes that I want in life, so I took the chance. I also dressed in clothes that, while it retained the mask, it was still leaning towards a bit more of an androgynous side. A very subtle change, but a change.

Yeah, I'm moving things forward. After all the trauma that I went through this year, I figured it's best to make what I can because, once again, I nearly dodged a bullet. January is getting very close too, and I'm afraid of what's going to happen because everything is uncertain. All I'm expecting for is nothing. I'm rooting for nothing happening and life just goes on. I rather live like this instead of being anxious about the uncertainty:

200 Burpees done, thought the 150 weren't done in a single workout, but they were done in the same workout session. I also finished the story of the week. I'll revise when I can, but I did like to do it. I actually didn't realize I had to end it Friday, when I realized it was Day 6 out of 7. I really liked the approach because it got a shitty draft done, and... well, I don't know what to do with it. I said that it has the potential to be a short series, but I'll see what I can do with it. If it is a potential short series, I'll work on it because it sounds like a good way to return into publishing free stories. Still I would rather to have it completely done before start publishing it. Not 100% done, but at least two chapters complete and the rest I'll edit them as they get published.

December 14th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 20 Lunge Punches +EC
Count: 1689 - 1685 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Hall Pass #4 +Jumping Jacks instead of Step Jacks
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
WoD: Going the Distance - LVL III +EC (nearly did them as Double Burpees) +30-seconds rest
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 16 Push-ups
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 14 - 210 Butt Kicks
Drawing Pin-up Girls Every Day for a Year: Day 60/365
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
1010 words in 35 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Sólveig]

• Writing: 7 days, 6409 words
• Burpees: 6 days, 860 Burpees
• 5 days of reading

---

It was an increase. I'm surprised by that. I only needed another day to do 1060 Burpees, but that was due to going to therapy. I did churn 6.5K, which is good. Certainly doing it for 10 minutes daily helped, and there's potential in what I've done. I know there is, and I will unlock it.

I'll start another story. I thought about using that prompt for something for hobby, but I think it'll work for doing the experiment again. I'll think of it as more of an exercise of doing one chapter daily for 10 minutes, because the prompt requires it. Whatever the result will be, I'll work on it once it is over.

@Laura Rainbow Dragon you did show me one thing: I am using my own perfectionism to procrastinate, which is funny because procrastination is a symptom of an underlying issue, and her is perfectionism. So, instead, I created this weird loop in which my perfectionism feeds my procrastination which in turn feeds my perfectionism by kickstarting it through procrastination, and then reframe it as preparation, and now I'm like "Ah! I shouldn't have done that!"

Still, it wasn't all bad. Using Lost Light as a lesson might give me an idea on how to write the awful first draft, and it has to be awful. Hell, screw it! I am going to be intentionally bad, I want to make something that is not worth publishing so that I can then make it publisheable. To curve my perfectionism, do you see that Draw the Same Thing challenge I have? I want to reuse that. This might be an opportunity to go back to my roots, grab a single theme, and start writing every single day the same thing, over and over. The video explains it all, but this is just to actually start. The limit is simple: use a notepad; the same pad that I always use. I grab one sheet of it and I write in both pages, with a pen instead of a pencil, and I won't stop until both sides of the page are filled with words, which can actually take me between 10 to 20 minutes. I'm using pen and paper because there's less chance to correct my mistakes, I don't have to worry about backups or power, and I can easily track my progress, as well as I can stop to jot down the intrusive thoughts that I'm having because this is a therapist recommendation: to keep doing that so that I can tackle my limiting beliefs. It doesn't mean that I'll be abandoning my projects; I jotted them down as my week goals. Tonight, I'll start work on my novel, and tomorrow I'll get ready for this challenge.

 

[Sólveig]

The D&D session of today left a very sour taste in my mouth. The DM did something that I tried to stop many times, but he didn't understand. One of those things is pretty much pulling a similar "it's all a dream!" trope that made our characters go amnesiac, with no memories of what happened, robbing them from something that was epic. Another thing is that he broke many established laws from that world. I seriously tried to stop him telling him that he couldn't do those ass pulls because he is, literally, causing a world war with the antics that he pulled, and he nearly got that, but he still stole the memories of our characters for no reason. He claims that all of it is non-canonical to his campaign, but the thing is that he crossed over campaigns, and I always set that everything on the table is canon, unless it isn't, meaning that any events that must be retconned for reasons such as logic, or fun, they will be retconned.

This whole session was a violation on well established laws for something that was supposed to be fanservice because it's our characters crossing over between universes; a thing that I also did as a DM before wihout removing the memories from the characters, and it is quite fun to remember those things in character. Yeah, he stole that from us. Even my unhinged character went full in Joker like in that time when the Joker found out that Bruce Wayne was Batman and started to ask the real question. Yeah. That epic part that we all loved was gone. The fight, the explorations, the fact that one of them went even into a podcast. Gone.

It really left a sour taste in my mouth. I warned him several times that the urban fantasy universe is too paranoid, to the brink that even someone anonymous committing a petty crime against someone from another country, who is also a nobody, is grounds for total nuclear war, something that he was nearly close to trigger due to his ass pulls to try to up the ante more and more, inadvertedly making what was supposed to be a secret thing stick out like a sore thumb. I know that I'm saying it all over, but it just keeps bothering me that everything was for nothing. It honestly makes me to go back behind the screen, and I'll just stop playing the urban fantasy universe if he gets behind the screen. I don't mind much if he did it with the high fantasy universe because that one was young, and we built that from the ground up, but this urban fantasy universe is old, and I was perfectly clear about how paranoid geopolitics are in that world. Everyone is just waiting for someone to make a mistake.

At least he brought our high fantasy characters to a different universe in which our own characters are genderbent. Now that one is an idea I can get by, but erasing the memories of our characters? Nope. I didn't even touch the Wizard's memories when he crossed universes, and that was not only crucial, but it triggered an entire butterfly effect that paid off a thousand years later. See what I mean? Player agency is important; it's a collaborative storytelling game! I honestly was not expecting what the Wizard did, but the butterfly effect was dramatic enough to spawn an entirely new epoch in the world. I don't hate the DM though, I'm just disappointed that this session ended up being more of a struggle between the DM and the Players rather than them working together. Honestly, I felt shot down many times that I ended up metagaming, to the point in which I fudged a roll because I just had enough of the obvious railroading that lead to nowhere.

Anyway, back at home, I started another story for the 10-minutes daily, and finished a short story that I begun for my book. I noticed that my wordcount increased today. 426 words in 10 minutes, and 690 words in 22 minutes. That's more than the last time.

This is not a Watch though. The water came quite late, so I stood up.

E: It was obvious that this wasn't a Watch because I didn't update Fit Dcember properly.

December 15th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 20 Split Jacks +EC
Count: 1690 - 1686 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 15 +Megaset
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 10 Double Burpees
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 15 - 202 Butt Kicks
Drawing Pin-up Girls Every Day for a Year: Day 60/365
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
1116 words in 32 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Sólveig]

There was supposed to be a Watch, but I slept through. I needed that, to be honest. I've been having awful sleeps lately, always staying up later than I want to stay up, and getting up earlier than I should...

Awful. Just. Awful.

The day was alright, though I had to skip quite a lot of workout because I walked a ton; I ended up with sore legs at the end of the day. I also didn't eat much yesterday. I didn't write either, or at least, not too much. I journaled though. I had to. During my walks something came up to my head, something about relinquishing control, about giving up, letting things go, and acceptance. This is because the Christmas dinner we had at the non-profit ended up on a low note with people talking about politics, rumors about it, and how the landscape after January 10th is going to be different, that things are finally going to change. Mom asked me the next morning if I think something is going to happen. The answer is... I don't know. I actually realized that we're clinging into a false sense of hope. The thing about the people in power going at each others' throats, cannibalizing each other just as it happened back during the last days of the Soviet Union might be true, but we're counting way too much on it to be real that we believe in the lie that it's going to happen. The problem is that such rumor has been around since as early as 2005, or 2006, or 2007... mid 00s. It got stronger after Chávez died, but nothing has changed. In fact, things have worsened. There's the best case scenario in which they would just leave quietly, and then there's the worst case scenario in which the country goes fully blown Cambodia back when Pol Pot was in power. If there is something that I've learned is that neither of those extremes is plausible in our current day an age. The only thing that I know is that, no matter what happens in January 10th, whether the power is usurped or relinquised again, what will follow is an increase of corruption. And I am not going to stay here for that.

I had, what I think of it, as the worst year of my life; so much worse than 2016. In fact, I'd rather relive 2016 instead of this year. However, there is something that brings me hope. You know what happened after 2016? 2017. It was in December of 2017 when I started working out. In fact, I'm writing this on December 17th of 2024. In the night of December 17th of 2017 is when I finally went to Youtube and did my earliest workout routine, which now marks seven years of working out. This just reminds me that, after one particular hard period in my life, I always come out much stronger than before, and in this case it was literal, because back in 2018 I lost a lot of weight. Thing is that seven years ago I didn't know as much as today, and things weren't as bad as me actually dodging a bullet by extreme luck. It brought me a girlfriend, and I had her until this year.

So... yeah, I journaled about how bad everything is, how it makes no sense on having hope for things to improve, even if such hope is justified by historical evidence. The way I saw it I had an important decision to make: either I stay hopeful, keep thinking that things are going to change on January 10th, that we will finally be liberated from this crushing regime that stole the youth of two to four generations of people, that everything is magically going to be fine... or I just lose all hope. After all, things are not going to change, no matter who is in power. The country is in shambles, and even if things change, they have to get worse before they start improving. So I just gave up and accepted the reality: nothing is going to change. There's no hope for this. I had hope, and look where it got me: I refused the call. I willingly forced myself to be in chains, and I almost paid a huge price for it. Again, things could've gone different. I might not be posting here today. I might have been imprisoned, tortured, indoctrinated, or even vanished from the world. I could've been disappeared. So if I keep having faith, I'll end up going down this road, and it's over for me.

I gave up all hope.

You might be thinking "oh my God, but why are you writing such things? Why are you being so cruel and so dark?" The truth is that I'm not. It's about accepting that things are bad, that things are impossible to change, that there's no way I can do anything. I am not in a position of power to change something. I can't change the status quo in politics when I'm just another zero to the left. If anything, this is just the first step of the twelve. Do you know them? First step is accepting that you have an addiction, and here I'm just accepting that hope for things to change is meaningless. Instead, I should do the same thing I did back in 2017. Instead of hoping for things to change, I must take action. I've been refusing the call for too long, and very slowly, even though it was a rough fight, I've been taking action, which has lead me to this point in which I found myself at. I know am aware about everything that's been putting me down for too long: a sense of fear and a sense of anxiety that every single day gets heightened by even talking about what happened throughout August. A loop of perfectionism and limiting beliefs that feed into my procrastination, and that by procrastinating I start that loop. An ADHD that went undiagnosed for 30 years and now I'm finally learning how to use it, but it still feels like I'm a kid forced to be an adult. These are the things that I can work on. After all, I only have one goal in mind: to leave this place once and for all, and never come back. Not today, not tomorrow, not even if the regime ends up falling apart and the nightmare is finally over, not even years after that. The longer I stay here, the less are my business in here.

The fact that I tried to go a bit more androgynous to that party and even got rewarded for it already says that I'm going the right path. Besides, it feels liberating to accept that things are bad. Again, I can't change the world, so why bother? What I can do is change myself. If I managed to come out of a crisis even stronger before, then I can do it again. This time, I aim to be more epic than back then, probably because now, if you haven't seen it through this wall of text, I've crossed the First Threshold much sooner than I expected, and I'm finally inside the Belly of the Whale.

Being aware of the Hero's Journey structure is definitely making things easier now that I can identify where my life is going.

657 words and 60 Burpees. 20 minutes of writing. Not much, but yesterday was attention deficit... oh shiny! all along.

Also, mom! The Daily Dares are exotic again!

December 16th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 20 Hero Squats +EC
Count: 1691 - 1687 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Hall Pass #5 +Jumping Jacks instead of Step Jacks
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
7 Full Burpees
Monday +EC
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 8 Push-ups
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 16 - 186 Butt Kicks
Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: Challenge prep
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
657 words in 20 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Sólveig]

Not a Watch. Instead, I stayed up. Again, just like yesterday, attention deficit took over. I don't really feel good, but that was just my anxiety talking. I had to shut it up by writing something interesting in my journal. Again, I quoted Fernando Pessoa on this: "I know not what tomorrow will bring." This was the last thing he ever wrote. Just that line. I kept thinking about January 10th, and the fact that I am going to be on my own for a couple of weeks. Yes, I'll be alone, by myself, during the holidays. It sounds odd, but I actually see this as good timing, especially after realizing I've reached the Belly of the Whale. In a very symbolic way, I will be inside one for this month.

There's lots of anxiety going around January 10th. That's when the quote begun, and then I asked the question: isn't it better to think about tomorrow bringing new opportunities instead of fear and uncertainty about the what ifs? A friend said one of the things that justifies one of my recurring thoughts, and when I told him about it, I actually laid out the only solution that this country have: something must go wrong in the higher ups, something so bad that it marks a revolution as big as the one that granted the country independence from Spain. The only reason why we became independent was because, and of course it had to be his fault, Napoleon Bonaparte. When Napoleon conquered Spain, the people here were quite divided in the whole independence thing. Some were loyalists, who still remained royal to the crown, and others wanted independence. Thing is, as soon as the news of Napoleon taking out the Bourbons and putting his brother on the throne, the loyalists switched sides immediately. They very much preferred independence from Spain instead of serving a Spanish crown that had French interests instead. See that right there? That's how bad things have to be in the power for things to change. That's how the history works here. Ever since the independence, it's been an endless cycle of someone taking power, and then something REALLY bad happens that then forces a revolution. It happened during the time of the Great Colombia, it was the reasons why we had two civil wars, and it happened during the Military Dictatorship of the 50s, in which the dictator had to leave, or else things would get bloody. The regime is playing it safe so far, so that something REALLY bad is not going to happen soon. I hope I'm wrong, I hope things definitely change, but my life won't change with me putting hopes in things that I hav no control of.

Going back to the subject, yeah, why should I even think about the future as something so dark and horrible, as something to be afraid of? In fact, I'm going to have the entire house to myself. That means I can get out of my room to do stuff without being interrupted, have more agency on things, and more responsabilities. Plus, the solitude is something that I've been striving for since a long time now. And is not like I'm going to be lonely. I have two of my D&D group close, I have my neighbors, and even though we're on holidays now, I still have the non-profit and I can go to the community center and fully dedicate myself to the library without being interrupted. So far, there is nothing to be anxious about. My anxiety is just creating things out of nowhere. Why should I even be anxious about a huge opportunity that I have to actually do great stuff.

I only wrote the timed things, but since I'm staying up, I'll write something cool.

I jotted down some Snowballs that I've been thrown. I'll do those Jumping Jacks tomorrow.

I'm also removing one thing from my Night Routine since I'm not doing it anymore. Thing is that I actually am doing something better. Turns out I don't need that meditation program, but I needed to understand what Dr. Dispenza said, and what he said is not really to do that program, but to actually shift things to your favor.

E: Well, I forgot to add Snowfight on the list!

December 17th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 30 Ballet Leg Raises +EC
Count: 1692 - 1688 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 17 +Megaset +Jumps instead of Steps
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
SNOWFIGHT 2024: 19 Jumping Jacks (19 Total)
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 20 Full Burpees
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 17 - 205 Butt Kicks
Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: Almost
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
756 words in 20 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Sólveig]

I did not have time to do anything. Still, there was a powercut that forced me to handwrite and start the challenge, which to be honest, I got frightened upon the blank page. I've been running with plenty of ideas, and all of the sudden they hid. It doesn't matter though because I got into writing, and I was actually afraid that I was going to end before occupying both sides of the sheet. I ended up needing some space, but produced 544 words in 25 minutes, all of them in black ink. Honestly, I didn't allow my perfectionism to creep in because I am aiming for low quality stuff.

I'm doing the same for the weekly stories. That's pretty much it on the writing front. As for the workout front... eh, at least I did things? To be honest, I wasn't on par yesterday, and today I'm not on par either. I was supposed to do a Watch at midnight, but I slept through... and then there was a powercut. Yes, a powercut! One that begun at 3 AM and wasn't over until 11 AM. The issue is not that it was a planned powercut, but it actually rained early this morning, and then a tree fell over some cables. Thankfully it got fixed, but damn, that was a lot of time wasted.

I do like this vibe of staying in my own though. I feel quite free to do anything that I want.

December 18th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 30 March Jacks +EC
Count: 1693 - 1689 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 18 +Megaset
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
SNOWFIGHT 2024: 71 Jumping Jacks (90 Total)
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 10 Push-ups
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 18 - 178 Butt Kicks
Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 544 words in 25 minutes!
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
1022 words in 35 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Sólveig]

ShunBun posted this yesterday and I feel called out.

 

[Sólveig]

The issue with the power was discouraging, but I also got very distracted. After reading the conversation I decided to give myself a negative reinforcement that I believe it's going to backfire because it feels more like a positive reinforcement: every single time that I find myself procrastinating, whether it is due to perfectionism, understimulation, limiting beliefs, or anything, I'll do 10 Double Burpees with Jump Knee-tucks. Not one, ten. Now you see why that doesn't sound like positive reinforcement at all: Burpees... feel good. Movement feels good. Using that might also help me inflate the weekly Burpee counter, and it gets me moving more. I mean, there's too many good things out of it than just curving ADHD. The only exception would be if I'm sick or injured, and right now I'm not.

I'll start that commitment now.

December 19th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 30 Reverse Lunges +EC
Count: 1694 - 1690 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 19 +Megaset
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
50 Full Burpees
4 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
SNOWFIGHT 2024: 270 Jumping Jacks (360 Total)
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 16 Full Burpees
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 19 - 202 Butt Kicks
Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 553 words in 25 minutes! (2/7)
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
931 words in 35 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

The issue with the power was discouraging, but I also got very distracted. After reading the conversation I decided to give myself a negative reinforcement that I believe it's going to backfire because it feels more like a positive reinforcement: every single time that I find myself procrastinating, whether it is due to perfectionism, understimulation, limiting beliefs, or anything, I'll do 10 Double Burpees with Jump Knee-tucks. Not one, ten. Now you see why that doesn't sound like positive reinforcement at all: Burpees... feel good. Movement feels good. Using that might also help me inflate the weekly Burpee counter, and it gets me moving more. I mean, there's too many good things out of it than just curving ADHD. The only exception would be if I'm sick or injured, and right now I'm not.

I think mini movement breaks are a great idea for improving writing productivity! Maybe try to think of them not as a punishment but simply a reset? "Oops! Mind got off-track there. Let's shake the undesirable thoughts loose." [does burpees] "There we go. Back to work!"

 

[Sólveig]

@Laura Rainbow Dragon That is precisely why I said it was going to fail as a negative reinforcement and be positive instead!

 

[Sólveig]

Ok, I'll be honest right here: I didn't write until the last minute. See, the moment I posted my last Jumping Jacks on the snowfight, you'll never guess what happened: a powercut happened.

Yay...

What a way to murder all the enthusiasm. I mean, I was half expecting it because we had nothing on Monday, so I figured they'll be doing it on Wednesday and Friday, but I never expected for it to be at the peak of the sun. I couldn't write until the last minute, which is when I finally had built up some of that enthusiasm.

Nevertheless, I fixed myself up, and did a thing: I got up for the Watch. I didn't do anything at midnight, actually. I just sat there, staring at the screen for like an hour and a half, but at least I showed up. After a period of not doing it, sometimes I feel the best way to do begin is to just show up to the office first. Then the second one I can churn words out.

Yeah, another messy day, but this time it wasn't my fault. I also believe I wrote for longer than I marked out because I didn't hear the timer going off.

December 20th, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 195

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 10 Squat + Side Kick +EC
Count: 1695 - 1691 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Hall Pass #6 +Jumping Jacks instead of Step Jacks
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees +EC
10 Double Burpees w/Jump Knee-Tuck
SNOWFIGHT 2024: 578 Jumping Jacks (938 Total)
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 10 Sit-ups
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 20 - 209 Butt Kicks
Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 488 words in 22 minutes! (3/7)
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
960 words in 32 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Sólveig]

I am showing up again. This is a Watch, one in which I feel quite sleepy because I went to bed later than I should have. In my defense, that was because I was writing, and I wrote a lot today.

I actually feel like I should drop the Burpees in the sense of doing them straight through. I see them more as a chore rather than a challenge, and doing sets of 50 all over my training session actually feels better. Speaking about it, today I did 320, thanks to @Laura Rainbow Dragon and her 104 Burpees gifted to me, and the rolls by the DAREdice. I added extra because it's more Burpees, and I like to count them in 10. But going back to the beginning, I do prefer to do it like that. 50 Burpees + Workout + Break. That loop sounds better, and it works incredibly good for writing. In fact, that's how I pulled off my writing today. I got 93 minutes total, and I wrote 2651 words, putting me for another golden star.

Also, major victory today: I finally went back to my novel, and actually continued on my anthology, just as I carried on with my handwritten challenge and my weekly story. This week, I will be focused on readying some material for January, but also going back into my novel as I was doing it, and return to my phone project too because I left it abandoned this week. It's just 10 minutes anyway!

But yeah, I am back! Besides, is not that I get tired of doing 150 Burpees in a single workout. I can do 200 Burpees in a single session. I can do that. It's called Death By Burpees:



Anyway, I'm back into writing. I seriously need to prioritize, and I know this novel will take a long time, so I guess I now know which one will end first than the other? Screw it, I'm not going to focus on that just now. I don't think I'll write tonight either, but this is me, showing up. That's a whole lot better than not showing up.

Happy Winter Solstice, though it's already over by now. Also, Shadow Stray + 104 Burpees; both throughout the day.

December 21st, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 196

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 40 Palm Strikes +EC
Count: 1696 - 1692 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Day 21 +Megaset +Jumping Jacks instead of Step Jacks
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees
6 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
50 Full Burpees
2 Double Burpees
WoD: Shadow Stray - LVL III +Throughout the Day
104 Full Burpees + Jumping Jacks +Throughout the Day
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 8 Double Burpees
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 21 - 208 Butt Kicks
Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 559 words in 24 minutes! (4/7)
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
2651 words in 93 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Sólveig]

• Writing: 7 days, 8093 words
• Burpees: 6 days, 940 Burpees
• 3 days of reading

---

The fact that I returned into writing my projects yesterday was good. Just working for a bit of time on them was actually good, and I mean that because I'm seeking to do a relaunch, and I might need to put out some short stories. Nevertheless, the plan for writing those short stories is churning out whatever I get in my head for 20 minutes a day; trying to get a minimum of 5 stories, but I don't mind going over than that. Anything that I generate, no matter how bad it is, I'll just get it out, even if it is an unfinished story in those 20 minutes, because frankly, they will be unfinished. The goal is just to get out as many awful drafts as I can; I want to make just a bunch of low quality crap; quantity over quality because quantity leads to quality, and I find it that I have much less pressure into publishing a bi-weekly story when I have it done and all I have to do is edit the draft, whether that is by finishing it, removing stuff, or anything... I know I can do this because that's what I'm doing with all these 10-minute things and experiments. Using the timer is the only thing to get me firing up.

Writing is not a marathon, but is not a sprint. It's a HIIT session. I know that. I did 10 minutes of writing between workouts yesterday, which added up to 30 minutes, and quite some words churned. Good quality stuff too, not going to lie. Especially when I decided to activate the Hemingway mode in Ghostwriter, but it really annoys me that my keyboard is a bit broken and can't write the E sometimes. Plus, I always get with so many typos, but at least I don't find myself writing the same sentence three times before I go. I can't have that when I'm writing my stories in black ink either!

So yeah, if anything, I'm slowly going away from the path of perfectionism, and just getting things done instead of having them perfect. I actually fell into that trap when I went back into my novel: I started doing it from the first part again. It wasn't until before bed that I realized that I screwed up and had to pick it up since the moment I left off. Nevertheless, I can grab the scenes, and spread them out from the daily layout that I put on them to keep track of my NaNo into something that makes more sense; again, the way Lost Light is structured: numbered scenes, but I can just divide the novel in parts. Doing this will give me not only a bird's eye view, but it will also allow me to write chunks and allocate them anywhere, so I don't have to write the draft as a linear thing, but pretty much fish for blocks as if I'm playing with Legos. Again, I should just finish that story, get it done, and then I'll see what can I do. If I end up making something that goes over 180K, but it works, then I'll leave it as such. If not, then I'll leave it below 180K. Again, as our favorite Dragon said it, I can't know that unless that story is done, and right now is only at stage 5 out of 17 from the Hero's Journey, so is nowhere near done.

What I can do is retcon the bottle episode structure and pretend that the things that I put in place originally never happened. I can just write from the middle; start in the middle of the action, and worry about how I got there later. Actually, I think for this story in particular, starting in the middle will be the way to unlock the doubts that I had when I started the rewriting process. It felt like I had no idea about what I was doing. You know what? This is going to be a fun way to finish the story. It'll be more like unveiling a mystery rather than writing stuff up. The best part is that if the story has no answer for things, I can just pull one out of my ass, like the DM did today to avoid a TPK due to an oversight he had. More on this in my log post.

@Laura Rainbow Dragon also gets another shoutout for saving my Burpee count for the week with those 104 Snowballs.

 

[Sólveig]

Our DM had a mishap. He screwed up. He was going to have this dramatic scene in which the party was going to be kidnapped through someone using a Portable Hole on us. The problem is that I had a Portable Hole in my inventory, and our Barbarian has a Bag of Holding. Do you know what happens if a Portable Hole is put inside one of those items?

Placing a portable hole inside an extradimensional space created by a bag of holding, handy haversack, or similar item instantly destroys both items and opens a gate to the Astral Plane. The gate originates where the one item was placed inside the other. Any creature within 10 feet of the gate is sucked through it and deposited in a random location on the Astral Plane. The gate then closes. The gate is one-way only and can’t be reopened.

So yeah, our DM forgot that little detail that is in the description of these objects, as we actually were in the middle of using them. He had to perform another asspull to bring us back from that TPK. Honestly, it was hilarious to see his face after seeing two extremely concerned players who tried to avoid that, only for then to see he screwed up the campaign. It was the second TPK we had in our group, but he managed to bring us back through an asspull. I just want to point something out: this DM was the same player in our Mass Effect one-shot that got the Squad into a TPK due to a Natural 1 on a DEX check to handle a bomb. He killed himself, his partner, and toppled an entire block all thanks to an awful die roll for his impulsivity, which ended up as one of the funniest Nat 1s we've ever had.

This was one of the most hilarious mishaps I've ever had in a game!

Anyway, back home, no Burpees... at least nothing beyond 50. However, I got 1224 words done! I actually went back to my phone project tonight, plus I did the 365 stories challenge, and my new 10-minute story. I didn't do anything for my books because it's Sunday, and Sundays are for D&D. I'm planning stuff for them tomorrow though, so that's something to look out for.

So today I did #5 out of 365.. I'll just have to say that I loved writing today. I actually noticed that it's difficult for me to start writing. The insecurities that anything that I put on the page is going to b horrible creep in every single time that I face a blank page, but as soon as I put the first sentence, which could be anything, instantly I figure out what the story could be. Once I have two or three sentences done, I pretty much see what type of tree is this going to be. I loved today's result too. I don't know, I just love it. Not only that, but using one subject only is also restricting me into thinking how could I develop this without changing the subject, and the way I did it today was in a way that I never did it before, which turned out into something much more interesting that I expected. I think I know where this is headed.

Also, five stories in five days, all of them done in an average of 25 minutes? That's actually neat. Granted, none of them go beyond 1K, but just having those awful stories and knowing they can be expanded into, damn, I don't know, novellettes, novellas, and even fully blown novels is awesome. I'm just happy of having five horrible first drafts, to be honest. Not because I know I can fix them, but because they are done. They are bad, but are done, and that's what matters: to finish things.

December 22nd, 2024
Kickboxing: Day 196

---

Morning Routine:
The Right Side + 10 Decline Push-ups
Sól Salutation - LVL I +EC
20-Seconds Legs
Before Breakfast Burpees
Daily Dare: 40 Shoulder Taps +EC
Count: 1697 - 1693 +EC

---

Night Routine:
Mani Salutation - 1 Set
Five Rites
Virasana + 60 Seconds Meditation
Get to Bed on Time
Daily Gratitude
Counting Victories

---

Training Plan:
Fighter - Throughout the day
Valkyrie - Regular Training
Programs:
Fit December: Hall Pass #7 +Jumping Jacks instead of Step Jacks
Bucket List:
Shadebound
High Gear

---

Workouts:
150 Burpees
Glutes, Quads, Hamstrings & Calves
100/50 Strength
Pole Dance Stretches
DAREdice: 10 Squats
1 minute Uttanasana w/Toe Reach
2-Minute Elbow Plank
Daily Walk
Shuffle Dance! (#1, #2, #3, H.A.T.E.R.)
Belly Dance
Dancing Days: 38

---

Challenges:
One & Done: Butt Kicks: Day 22 - 198 Butt Kicks
Writing the Same Thing Every Day for a Year: 518 words in 22 minutes! (5/7)
Bucket List:
Empty

---

Writing progress:
1224 words in 42 minutes!
1500 Get!
Writing Tiers:
500 Words
1000 Words
1500 Words

---

Reading progress:
The 12 Week Year - 17%
Ironsworn - 0/260 Pages

---

Other Victories:

 

[Maegaranthelas]

I had that feeling with writing essays in uni too.
The horror of the blank page, as if my mind decided to attempt becoming equally as blank.
But even just writing out Title, Introduction, First Argument end such created enough order that I could write ^^