Today's Log (1/13/25)
Today was a bit of a hard day for me. From the start I felt fatigued and a bit rushed. A friend of mine uses the term "brain weasels" for when their thoughts go spiraling. I felt like my day was a ripe breeding ground for the brain weasels to frolic. It was not a bad day entirely, but it was hard to see that. When we got back home (it was my BF and his wife's turn to host family day), I ended up crying and doing a lot of talking with the mate about it. And realizing I have a bit of work to do for self-improvement. (Hey, don't we all.) Part of that is being vulnerable here in sharing about it instead of just pretending it was a perfect day with a smile.
By evening, I did pretty decent. I have a game plan I've started. And I feel a bit on track. I am worried about how long I can keep it up, but I feel a bit of peace at the moment. I have decided to do a few things. One is adding on the daily hug challenge, daily gratitude, and counting victories challenges to my daily workout. This should help keep the brain weasels in their pens. I am also giving another go at reading a book my therapist recommended to me. (I saw one briefly when I switched jobs as a temporary thing my workplace at the time offered. It was specifically for imposture syndrome, but became more generalized to my struggle with anxiety.) She strongly recommended
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I have had luck with this approach and ACT therapy before. But it's not my normal reading material, so even though it was INCREDIBLY helpful to me personally (as always, mileage may vary), it was hard to stick with. So trying it again. And going to work on cultivating a compassionate (towards self and others) and curious approach instead of the more anxiety and defensive stance I've been having.
My instinct is to apologize for the random wall of text here. I started to type "I'm sorry" but I don't think that's fair to myself or to anyone who's reading. It's your choice to read this, after all. I do not plan to do such long journal entries with each log (as this is mostly an exercise log/check in for me at this time). But maybe occasionally it's not a bad thing?
- Daily Hug - Day 1 completed. It feels a little silly, but I'm gonna give it a try. One of those, it won't hurt, right? I may add some self-compassionate words with this.
- Universal Warmup - Completed
- Standing Abs Challenge - Day 12 completed. Glad I decided to go with the reduced amount at this time.
- Back and Core - Day 29 completed. So close to the end!
- Arms of Steel [Seated] - Day 29 completed. Thinking I will do the full version and one of the RPG fitness things next. Gonna spend some time tomorrow narrowing it down to which.
- Meditation Challenge - Day 22 completed. Debating about adding more self-reflection elements to this. I slipped into it yesterday and I think that was useful.
- Balance Workout - Completed
- Better Sleep Yoga - Completed
- Daily Gratitude- Day 1 Completed - Completing in log for accountability reasons.
- I'm thankful that the roads were clear and safe to drive after Friday's snowstorm
- I'm thankful that I have such a thoughtful BF and metamour. They knew their place was cold and I have no cold tolerance, so offered her oversized hoodie for me to wear while there.
- I'm thankful for the time my mate gave me when getting home, despite not having much time for himself today. That he valued helping me through a difficult situation and patiently heard me out and supported me.
- Counting Victories- Day 1 Completed.
- I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I talked a lot with the mate. I updated the BF later about things (we'll probably talk on Tuesday's date night). And opened up to a very close friend for reassurance about our friendship.
- I got all my workouts done! And the towels washed and put away!
Now I'm a pretty tired pupper at this point. Gonna get teeth brushed, good night texts sent, then off to bed.