Don´t feel much better than yesterday, physically speaking.

Consecutive Days: 17

Foundation Light: Day 15: 5 sets, 60 seconds rest
2 min rest
Zen Day 5 done

Off to find something to eat. I really don´t wanna go for groceries, which would be necessary if I don´t find enough, since tomorrow is a holiday and everything will be closed.
 
Still alive. Kinda.

I wasn´t really able to do anything the two days, since I somehow hurt my neck and any kind of movement was hell. Had to take an Ibu 600 just so I could sleep, which, you know, sucks.

Stiff Neck Workout: every few hours for 2 days

But, good news, my neck is almost okay again, so I should be able to do normal exercise again tomorrow, if I´m not completely beat, because I have the early shift directly after a late one again...

Now towards the weird part. And this one is just completely strange. So a customer I´ve never seen before just offered me a job completely out of the blue. As a sports and fitness salesman in home office. So like telemarketing? No idea. I´m very confused. And even more sceptical than usually, which is saying a lot, I´m already pretty paranoid and weary of people.

It could be a scam, but I´m not a profitable mark. And everybody knows that working at a gas station is a deadend minimum wage job, usually reserved for completely failed existences, college students trying to make ends meet or people "inbetween" jobs, who literally just do it so they don´t have to pay medical insurance themselves... Seriously, even cleaning people make much more than I do.

Did I mention I´m very confused yet? Because I am. Very much so.
 
Consecutive Days: 21
Foundation Light: Day 17: 5 sets, 60 seconds rest
2min rest
Zen Day 7: done

That yoga stuff is still horrible. At this point I can´t even remember why I started doing the Zen program in the first place.

Actually finished painting the minis I showed off here two weeks ago. Now I just gotta glue some shrubbery and rocks to the naked bases and they´re good to go. Still couldn´t decide on the yellow for the armor. Why is it so difficult to decide on a shade of yellow??? Should´ve just chosen Raven Guard... Paint em black, make the Aquila white and bam, you´re done. But I don´t like them. Too sneaky and stuff. Why do I only like the chapters that are the most difficult to paint? :D
 
I hate W-Extensions.

Consecutive Days: 22
Foundation Light: Day 18: 5 sets, 60 seconds rest
Zen Day 8: done

Those 10 minutes of meditation felt much shorter today than usual. By the way, does anybody know of a "good" meditation playlist on spotify that isn´t just totally generic AI slop? The amount of fake music especially in that genre is horrifying...

Got myself more brushes. I kinda already ruined one of my expensive ones, real hair and everything, because I don´t know how to paint or clean properly and ended up breaking the hairs, so now the tip is split into a V form. And it´s pretty much impossible to paint like that... Bought a couple of cheap ones from the stationery store. Sure, they´re no fancy sable hair brushes, but they were dirt cheap. 60 cent per brush, unlike the 3€ I pay at the tabletop store. I would´ve totally bought expensive ones, since I´m a firm believer in having and using proper tools but since the tabletop store is only open two days a week (and I usually have to work those days) I have to make do with the cheap ones...

Speaking of shopping, I have to get better at getting groceries. Or rather more grown up. I spent way to much money on sugary crap. Sure, now that I actually make money I can afford it, but since I always get health problems when eating it I should definitely stop. Seriously, I shop like a 15 year old without supervision, it´s horrible. Basically nothing but frozen stuff, sweets, chips/crisps or highly processed ready to eat stuff... But at least I managed to get some veggies. And I didn´t buy any Cola or crap like that. I guess I have to be thankful for the one time I actually learned from the pain my behavior causes. I´m actually feeling a lot better when I don´t drink that stuff. For starters, I can breathe much easier, since my throat doesn´t get so sticky and glued shut anymore.

Hmmm, maybe there´s a connection between my horrible eating habits and the fact that I´m fat and sick all the time. Nah, kidding. I know there is. And I´m working on that. But as much as I´d like to, you can´t really expect to change myself completely in a blink. Change is a process. Plus, I´m getting sick much less often that I used to.
 
Painting Update!

Sorry peoples, but I just gotta share this. I painted for 7 forking hours today! Started working on a "kitbashed" Teleport Homer for my Storm Termis (to be fair it´s just a 32mm base, with some sprue from the frames glued on, the edges scraped off and the beacon glued on top) and got so motivated that I just had to continue. Fast forward to 10:30pm. I just finished my third mini today, my first Terminator. And he looks absolutely gorgeous. I´ve never been this proud of anything in my life! Literally the only thing that bugs me is the red I used for the storm bolter. I used my usual Seraph Red, cause that´s the only one I have. Would´ve liked a nice fast orky red, but oh well. I´m gonna borrow my mums phone tomorrow because hers has the best camera in the house and make some pics.

I finally decided on all the things I couldn´t make my mind up about for weeks today. I know how to paint the armor (one coat Averland Sunset with one coat of Fist Yellow Contrast on top), I know how to paint the bases (Vallejo Dark Blue Grey with Agrax Earthshade over that) and I found my lens color scheme (Lothern Blue for normal, Moot Green for white and red helmets). I think I might even start doing the landscaping for the bases tomorrow.

I´m so happy and excited, if I could I would continue painting, but since it´s the middle of the night, that´s gotta wait for tomorrow. Don´t wanna mess up.

If I had a social life I´d share all that with somebody else, but since I don´t, I just had to write all that down here or else I´d explode from all that excitement :D
 
Tuesday:

Refresh before bed. Felt horrible the entire day, no idea if it´s because of pre-work anxiety or something else.

today

Still not feeling great. And the usual "no sleep before the first early shift" doesn´t make it much better.

Consecutive days: 24
Foundation Light: day 19: 3 sets, 60 seconds rest
Zen Day 9: :x:

And as @TopNotch demanded, here are the pics of my finished minis. Gotta, say, I don´t like that one brown puddle in front of my Terminator, but that´s what base landscaping is for. Just gonna glue some shrubbery over it and problem solved :D
 

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Consecutive Days: 25
Foundation Light: Day 20: 5 sets, 60 seconds rest

I´m gonna pause Zen for the next few days. My sister is visiting and I am not the least bit in the right headspace for meditation or yoga. I can´t stand my sister. Can´t even be in the same room as her without having my blood boil and my skin crawl... We never really got along, because she´s the secondborn (technically fifth, but that doesn´t really matter) and I got pretty much ignored the second she was born. But that´s not actually the reason I dislike her so much. Ever since she went to the army, she´s become a g*****n nazi. Racial purity, white supremacy, extreme xenophobia and intolerance, the whole "white hate" nine yards.
My parents are not quite as left-wing as I am, but they´re still quite a bit, so I honestly can´t understand how they can tolerate someone who won´t stop preaching about how exterminating all foreigners and "race traitors" is necessary to get Germany back on track, which spoiler alert, is literally the worst thing you could do, we desperately need foreign workers since so many "true" germans are too stupid for even the most basic jobs. She even insulted me and my mom as parasites and I really had to pull myself together to stop myself from ripping her head off right that moment... Never worked a single day at a real job but dares to insult my mom who spend the last 30 years taking care of us? Truly disgusting behaviour.
 
My goodness. It seems unbelievable that there are still people with this mentality, and although I would like to say that it is a minority, unfortunately it is not so. I'm sorry you have to deal with that and more so with a member of your family.

Take care of yourself and try to stay calm. Cheer up.
 
@TopNotch and @Mamatigerj Thanks! :) With my ADHD, I don´t even know the meaning of patience. :D I´d say it´s more diligence. If you do something, do it right, otherwise what´s the point?

@Antheia & Colossus and @Mr.Javo Yeah, it´s horrible. The new nazi party is actually the strongest/second strongest party in all the polls, 25% and upwards. And all the other parties are trying to emulate their success by becoming more and more right-wing themselves, which of course does nothing to combat the problem, quite the opposite. By making far-right positions socially acceptable, you only pour more gas in the fire. If you want Brown, you vote the original, not the cheap copy. Things like "no human rights for non-whites", not literally but in terms of content, are actually normal things to say nowadays. It´s a disgrace! Not even 100 years passed and we´re almost right back in 1933... If I had the cash, I´d pack my things and move on to less brown pastures, but with the salary I make, that´s not gonna happen this milennium.

Gonna update the sports part when I get home, overslept...
 
Ah, crap. My feet hurt. But that´s what I get for not using my day off this week for buying exercise shoes... And I probably won´t buy them this weekend either. I´m gonna lock myself in my room and only get out to get food... And to get new minis to paint. Still don´t know where I´m gonna store the drying ones, my hobby room is my sisters old bedroom, which she still uses when she visits. And I had to evacuate all my stuff so she won´t go around "accidentally" breaking it.

Consecutive Days: 26
Foundation Light: Day 21: 7 sets, 60 seconds rest

I hate how nice the tabletop store owner is. I just called him and asked him if he could reopen the store after my shift is over and of course he agreed. So now I have a new model. And a new size 1 brush, one of the good ones. And a new pot of red paint... But to be fair, I had my eyes on this one for a while and he ordered it extra for me after I bugged him about it several times, so I really had no choice :D And it was 11€ cheaper than the listing price on the GW website... Only downside is that it messed up my army composition. I used to have exactly 960 points, which works out fine, since you can spend 40 points on detachment modifiers. But my new Dreadnought Ballistus brings another 140 points to the table... But the retail therapy worked :D Well, that and the box of chili cheese nuggets I´m about to make. Cheese always helps. Thank you Universe for inventing cows!
 
Consecutive Days: 27 Woohoo! I can already taste that next badge. Or maybe that´s just the sleep deprivation because I woke up at half past 4 this morning due to heartburn. I´m on my way into bed already, so no need to worry

Foundation Light: Day 22: 5 sets, 60 seconds rest

Started painting very early today and got a lot done. Infernus Sarge done, which means I finally finished my first complete squad. Terminator Sarge done too, and he looks even better than the normal Termi. Which he has to, he´s the Sarge :D Gonna take some pics to upload tomorrow, my camera still sucks :D Started the first Heavy Intercessor. That Gravis armor looks really bulky and imposing, but it´s a pain to paint... Couldn´t even continue painting if I wanted to, my right arm is starting to go numb.

And with that, I´m off. Night, folks.
 
Consecutive Days: 30 Woohoo! New badge

Better Than Nothing: 5 sets with EC

No Foundation Light today, because I still hate March Steps. Plus it´s super hot again today, I´m already hella sticky and I really wasn´t in the mood for all that clomping around.
 
Consecutive Days: 35

Foundation Light: Day 29: 5 sets, 60 seconds rest


Still don´t like weekend shifts. Although the early shift on sunday is not so bad, I have to get up shortly after 7 and there´s hardly any customers for the majority of the time. It still sucks butt that you either have early shift on saturday and late shift on sunday or late on saturday and early on sunday. Doing two shifts directly after another is just terrible...
 
By the God Emperors golden undercarriage. What the hell was that???

Consecutive Days: 36

Foundation Light: Day 30: 3 sets, 2 minutes rest

Thus, Foundation Light is finished. Honestly, the difficulty for the last day was absolutely insane. I can usually do the cardio days on level 3 without much of a problem, even with only half the recommended rest time. Hell, I basically did the entire program on lvl 3, except for some tendon days where you have to stand on one leg the entire time. Without any balance that´s pretty hard... But today I barely managed to get through a single set, even with the full 2 minutes of rest inbetween sets. The last cardio day was day 27 and it was a breeze. But then again, one set on day 27 has roughly half of the reps of day 30. If you do day 30 on lvl 3 that´s 504 step jacks, day 27 wasn´t even 300.
 
Consecutive Days: 38

Refresh

So this is kinda insurance, in case I won´t wake up from my nap. Just so that my beautiful streak doesn´t get broken. Been awake for 32 hours now, couldn´t sleep because of some animal running around on our roof. Still kinda torn between sleeping for a bit now (which will definitely escalate into a 6-7 hour "nap"), probably ruining the chance of going to bed at a normal time this evening or just powering through for a few more hours and going to bed at 6pm or so.
 
Still alive

Consecutive Days: 43

Even though I didn´t update here I kept moving. Kinda. Was feeling truly horrible since wednesday. I started doing the Refresh Workout first thing in the morning, that way I had done something at least, even if I ended up lying in bed all day after that. Still feeling super tired and beat.

Today: Better Than Nothing: 3 sets with EC

At least I´m trying to get back to normal exercise, even though I´m a good bit off from where I was not even a week ago. I hate everything right now...
 
Oh, boy. This sucks. Some kind of animal died beneath my floorboards and it is starting to smell. Can´t even breathe in my own room anymore. I´m burning three scented candles plus one of those scented oil thingies. I´d describe the current smell with "yoga sauna with dead polecat, twice shaken". It is truly horrible, I wish my nose would just fall off. Anybody know where I can get a functioning gas mask at 9pm? Preferably with instant shipping :D

Consecutive Days: 44

Chest n Back lite

Didn´t wanna do cardio, cause I´m afraid all that jumping might cause the smell to intesify. This is almost giving me serious traumatic flashbacks to that one hiking trip with the boy scouts, where we had to camp next to a meadow where some farmer was illegally disposing of his animal carcasses... Can´t wait for this to be over. I´m not some goddamned corpse sniffing Nurgle worshipper, ffs!
 
Consecutive Days: 47

Wednesday: long walk
Thursday: Chest n Back lite

Been living in a tent in the garden since tuesday, cause the smell only got worse. Don´t know what´s going on right now, but I´m completely drained. For more than a week now. It sucks.

Today: Better Than Nothing: 3 sets
 
Yeah. Things are really bad right now.

Consecutive Days: 50, technically

In truth I´ve just been doing Refresh first thing in the morning so I wouldn´t end my streak. Just like people who do the simplest Duolingo lesson every day to keep their streak.

Honestly I don´t know what wrong at the moment. There haven´t been any "big bads" in a while and yet I feel utterly miserable. The smell of decay is gone, it´s gotten a bit colder, I bought a couple of new Warhammer sets... And yet, I feel like I could just start crying any second. Not that I would, don´t even know how to cry anymore. I forgot how to feel a lot of emotions in the last 10 years. Maybe it´s because I haven´t had more than a single day off in a row for a while. Even though I work part time, I still work 8 hours shifts 5 days a week. Or it´s probably because I can´t stand the loneliness anymore, which is weird since I had more social contacts the last week than I had in the last 4 months. And yet, I´m lonely. It´s insane how you can miss something that you never had in your entire life, but I miss meaningful human interactions.

Everything is terrible right now.
 
Consecutive Days: 57

Every morning: Refresh

Today: Exercise of the Day

Wanted to do more, than remembered I had to work, then managed to show up an hour early since today is a holiday...
 
Consecutive Days 59

Yesterday: Refresh as usual

Then I spent the rest of the day squatting under my car fixing stuff cause the ceiling in the garage is not high enough to lift the car, so you could work under it standing. Resulting in my calves hurting like hell since yesterday afternoon. I hate how useless my body is.

Today: Refresh
Awake & Alive: 3 sets, with EC

Barely made it. Bloody hell... That´s it. No more Refresh only days! That crap stops right now. I´m gonna get back in shape or die trying. No more excuses.
 
Consecutive Days: 60

30 Days of Cardio Light: Day 1: 3 sets, 60 seconds rest

It´s much easier to stick to a program, so I´m gonna do this one now. 60 days already. Sure, the last two weeks felt like cheating, but if I start back at 1, my motivation is gone instantly and I´m not gonna return until after my next big breakdown.

Another big plus, I went for groceries today and I managed to not buy any sweets. Still bought mostly highly processed foods, so that´s still bad. But at least I didn´t make stuff worse by buying candy. One step at a time...
 
legolo said:
Still alive. Kinda.

I wasn´t really able to do anything the two days, since I somehow hurt my neck and any kind of movement was hell. Had to take an Ibu 600 just so I could sleep, which, you know, sucks.

Stiff Neck Workout: every few hours for 2 days

But, good news, my neck is almost okay again, so I should be able to do normal exercise again tomorrow, if I´m not completely beat, because I have the early shift directly after a late one again...

Now towards the weird part. And this one is just completely strange. So a customer I´ve never seen before just offered me a job completely out of the blue. As a sports and fitness salesman in home office. So like telemarketing? No idea. I´m very confused. And even more sceptical than usually, which is saying a lot, I´m already pretty paranoid and weary of people.

It could be a scam, but I´m not a profitable mark. And everybody knows that working at a gas station is a deadend minimum wage job, usually reserved for completely failed existences, college students trying to make ends meet or people "inbetween" jobs, who literally just do it so they don´t have to pay medical insurance themselves... Seriously, even cleaning people make much more than I do.

Did I mention I´m very confused yet? Because I am. Very much so.
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go easy on yourself rest it out and come back when you heal and feel stronger
 
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