@NancyTree Thanks a bunch! I hope it'll be great too.
Hey Bees.
I didn't go to the gym today, as I needed to rest up a bit more. Just a short walk outside was today's exercise.
But tomorrow, I'll hit the weights with a vengeance. I also finished watching a terrible movie, and couldn't resist writing up a review for it.
See you again tomorrow, Bees!
Watching: So I watched Fateful Findings, a film you've hopefully never heard of and will hopefully never watch. It's a 2012 film by notorious indie filmmaker Neil Breen, and he bears the brunt of responsibility for this cinematic turd. Here's a review...
Two children play and grow close together, eventually being separated when one moves away. The boy, Dylan, grows up to become a writer, and eventually a hacker, whose goal is to expose the villainy of the world's governing bodies and financial institutions. Will he succeed in his goal? Will he reunite with his childhood friend? And will Neil Breen actually become a competent filmmaker? Stay tuned.
Look. I constantly crack jokes about the bad movies I watch, and enduring them and writing up zany reviews is a literary exercise and dare I say, even enjoyable. After all, they can be so bad that they're entertaining. This film's sole point of redemption, despite being a shining example of mediocrity, is that it fits squarely into the bargain bin of shitty, yet entertaining movies. But let's be clear: this is one
bad movie. The written word can't quite convey the guns out, unashamed crappiness of this one. Pick any scene to watch, and you'll be "rewarded" with incompetence. I kid you not, my face hurt from all the cringeing I did (at almost every scene in this movie). So let's quickly break it down.
Not a single aspect of this movie is competently made.
The plot is absolutely clown-car bonkers, throwing together a bunch of crap in the hopes that a good plot it makes. Pill addiction, alcohol addiction, suicide, a mystic tome of secrets, psychiatry, domestic problems, and even more pointless dreck are featured here, and
not a single one has any bearing on the real plot (blah blah blah expose the conspiracy blah). And even the real plot doesn't make any sense. How did Dylan get his hacking abilities? When did he start? What kind of books does he write? Why does he want to expose the gov't et al? None of it's explained - but you get the sense that in a film like this, it's not really worth explaining. I'm going to gloss over the next points, which contribute to the horrible quality, but aren't at its epicenter. The editing is crap (so many pointless shots), and the minimal budget (I would guess five thousand bucks ) is apparent in every frame, prop, and setting. The score is kinda nice. I guess.
But the crowning source of hilarity are the writing and acting combined. A good thing to watch out for in a bad movie is
whether or not they state the obvious. Good writing is subtle, and you have to read between the lines to see what characters are thinking or feeling. This is not the case here. The dialogue is hilariously lacking in nuance. Characters almost always state the obvious, and even repeat themselves! There's are a lot of different situations and conversations, but they're all so ham-fisted in execution and lacking in subtlety. Example? One character stumbles into the aftermath of what looks like a suicide.
Dylan: "X! You committed suicide. How could you do it. How could you do this to yourself?"
That leads us to the acting. "Stilted" and "wooden" are commonly thrown around for performances like these. None of them are convincing at all, but for the most part, they're simply very bad. In contrast, and standing at the top of the pantheon of crappy performances is Neil Breen, the very director and writer of this dung heap. Guy deserves some credit for making a movie practically by himself, but ambition does
not make up for a crushing lack of acting talent. It's possible that he's even worse of an actor than Tommy Wiseau - if such is even possible. Here're a few examples:
What we're left with is a bizarre fantasy fulfillment that relied on one man's vision - unfortunately! With everything considered, I justly give Fateful Findings zero plates of salad out of five. May it be remembered as everything you should avoid doing in filmmaking. Unless you want your legacy to be hilarity and derision, of course.
Listening to: Carpenter Brut - Beware the Beast. Tonight's Halloween song is a spooky synthwave thrasher from Carpenter Brut. I'm surprised I've never posted the song until now, but as it's spooky season, the time is right!