♡ The Long and Winding Road: A Daydream Believer Finding Nirvana ♡

[LizardFriend95]

So... it's been a little while. Right now, our downstairs bathroom is getting redone. The dogs are locked in the living room with us. This leaves me in there a lot longer than normal and by the time the workers go home, it's late. So I haven't done proper yoga in a while. I'm really feeling the lack of yoga. Hopefully they'll be done in a couple more days and I can get back into a better routine.

Since the first, though, I have been getting in at least 6,000 steps. I've been doing my bedtime yoga go-to, but nothing beyond that.

 

[LizardFriend95]

As of last Wednesday, our bathroom is done! Finally! It's now purple.

It felt so good to do yoga again. The back tension is pretty much gone now. I did yoga for back pain the first day, then jumped back into the 30 Days of Yoga. I ended up doing the last one I'd done before all this again on accident. Skipped proper yoga Saturday and Sunday. Didn't get 6,000 steps in on Saturday. On Monday and Tuesday I did the Better Legs Challenge with the Booty Maxx equipment I have. I discovered that doing the back leg raises is what kills my back. Apparently I can't get myself in a proper position when I'm doing that. I might have to do back leg raises off the Booty Maxx.

Last Tuesday, they had a Nirvana category on Beat Shazam. Fully expected Smells Like Teen Spirit to pop up during it, but it didn't! My aunt had the nerve to ask me the next day if I knew the songs. I said, "How dare you question me." Though, this is the second time one of my favorite bands had a moment on Beat Shazam, and both times people messed it up a little for me. First time was the Beatles, and my aunt hollered out the answers trying to beat me to it when we had to pause it while I got Rolo situated, so we were behind a little. This time my dad and brother came in and yapped. I got all the songs anyway, but it would have been nice to enjoy it without interruptions. I do get a little more annoyed that I should though, lol.

Diamond painting update: The Beatles one I'm doing has a pure blue background, so I had decided to do the background first, then the Beatles one by one. John is almost done, and then I have to do Paul and George. Only thing is... John only has one eye. This is the largest one I've done so far, but it needed to be larger than it is for all the details. Something about his glasses and the shadows makes his eye that's in the shadow pop out, while the other is just not there. It's one of those where if you back up it's clearer, so I can see the outline of his glasses if I lean back. But up close, my dude is a cyclops.

I need to get back into reading all your logs! I don't think I'll ever get caught up, though.

 

[JCU]

You can start fresh with the logs! Just read from the newest on. Don't let it stress you out!

Cyclops!John sounds very amusing!

 

[LizardFriend95]

@JCU It is kind of amusing lol. We'll have to see what it looks like when it's all done.

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 2, 2024
♡ Yoga with Adriene 30 Day Yoga Journey Day 29
♡ Yoga with Adriene Meditation for Anxiety

I really hate 4-7-8 breathing. How are you only supposed to breathe in for that short amount of time and be expected to breathe it all out?

It has been so busy here. My dad had been having trouble with his balance, but my dad is kind of dramatic so we never know when he's faking something or when it's real. He had MRIs and CAT scans done, and our doctor could never see anything. Our doctor said it could be ALS, which is not a good diagnosis. We asked if it could have been a pinched nerve or something, and the doctor said that wouldn't do that. He referred my dad to a neurologist, which takes forever and my dad isn't allowed to go back to work without doctors approval. We got him to go to the emergency room where they did all kinds of tests and found out that he had a compressed spinal cord. It was so bad they doctors up there said most people who have their spinal cords like that are paralyzed. He had surgery on the 14th. I had to take him for walks after he came home. Now, I'm having to help him do his physical therapy. Which is fine.

Last week, my back started to feel sore. I had done yoga a couple days when I finally found time, and it didn't help the soreness in my back. Found out I was starting to come down with something, so I was taking it easy and drinking some tea to get better. The most I did was walk with my dad, which isn't a workout for me because we're going slow.

On Tuesday of that week, we had a freak hail storm. We weren't expected to have any severe weather, it had been nice all day, and then that happened. I don't like hail, but I'm usually okay with it. It usually doesn't trigger my anxiety that bad. But of course we get the text alerts (actually everyone else did. I turned them off on my phone), which triggers my anxiety. Okay, not great but just a severe thunderstorm with the obvious threat of hail. But we had been trying to watch Wheel of Fortune before it hit, and I saw on the news tornado alert. Wasn't in our area, but guess what that does to my anxiety? My therapist had given me a list of breathing exercises to try, and the easiest one to remember is the even breathing one. So I'm trying to do that because even though I know at this point it's just hail, my anxiety was spiked. Then my aunt comes over to tell me to breathe. Lady. What do you think I'm trying to do?

My therapist could tell that I had more anxiety than usual the next day. She had me do neurofeedback that day. She wasn't going to start trying that with me until later this year, but because of the wonderful storm we had...

This week she asked if I ever tried meditation. I told her I have in the past but I haven't in a while. So I'm trying to do that more. The goal is for me to "get as calm as possible" so I'm better prepared for our storm season.

Aunt DS also went to the hospital last week because of her smoking. This is like the third or fourth time she's gone to the hospital for that reason.

Through all this, I didn't have time for my diamond painting. I was able to write today and yesterday, so that's something.

 

[JCU]

I'm sorry so many in your family are having problems

I hope the breathing and meditation help with your anxiety.

 

[LizardFriend95]

@JCU Thank you! I'm hoping things will start to settle soon. It's been way too busy lately.

Hopefully it helps. My dad keeps asking me if my sessions are helping me, and I keep telling him I won't really know until storm season. So we'll see!

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 3, 2024
♡ Yoga with Adriene 30 Day Yoga Journey Day 30
♡ Yoga with Adriene Meditation for Inner Peace

Meditation is a little hard in a full house...

Helped my dad with his physical therapy exercises.

So I've recently gotten last.fm. I actually had one over a decade ago, but couldn't remember how to get into it. I guess it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because I'm pretty sure I ended up using the same email for both accounts. I ended up finding the profile of my old account, though. I've been trying to build up my base on it with the artists I usually listen to so my stats aren't wildly different from my usual stuff. So I've kind of stopped listening to albums for the time being. I'm almost done with that, but I have been listening to some different things. Halloween music and murder ballads. It is spooky season, after all. Only problem is some of the "murder ballads" in some Spotify playlists aren't actually murder ballads at all.

I've fully switched to wireless headphones. I miss my usual ones, but it is nice to be able to move around while listening. It's also nice to not have to worry about my lovely little fur babies tangling themselves in the wires.

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 4, 2024
♡ Yoga with Adriene Yoga Camp Day 1
♡ Yoga with Adriene Meditation for Inner Peace

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 5-7, 2024
♡ At least 10 Minutes Balance Board

Still taking dad for walks and supervising his rehab exercises. We got him a bunch of stuff to work his hands, so he's starting that. Also got him on my balance board for a few minutes. Dad keeps asking me the same questions. "How many minutes should I do this?" Just as long as you think you can. He keeps saying that he has trouble with some of the hand exercises. I keep telling him it's fine, it'll get easier the more he does it. Does not stop him from saying the same things over and over and over...

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 8, 2024
♡ 10 Minutes Balance Board

Whatever is going around right now is making motivation kind of hard. I think it's different from what I started to get a little while ago. This one is making me kind of nauseous. I actually felt like I could get sick Sunday night, and the last few days I've been super nauseous in the morning. Mom is having that problem, too. The balance board doesn't mess with my stomach, but forward folds would not be wise right now. Also trying to find time to myself to write is a little difficult.

 

[JCU]

 

[MadamMeow]

Hope you feel better soon!

 

[Fremen]

Healing vibes

 

[Sólveig]

 

[LizardFriend95]

@JCU @MadamMeow @Fremen @Sólveig Thank you all!

October 8-11, 2024
♡ At least 10 Minutes Balance Board

The last couple of days, the nausea has been better/non-existent. Still a little afraid to rush into more exercise. Might wait a bit more to make sure I'm still good, since I never know when it's going to hit.

My nephew came over! We haven't seen him since he started his job, since he works on weekends. He said my dad's first pet was a T-Rex.

Aunt DS came in from outside and made a comment about my mom's dog being "the cutest little dog." My little Fonzie was on my lap and he hops up and starts barking at my aunt. He did not stop until she said he was cute, too. I always call Fonzie "the cutest little Chihuahua," so I guess he didn't like another dog being called cute.

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 17, 2024
♡ Darebee Standing Core Workout, 1 set (rotations, side bends, and twists done on balance pods)

Got to see my nephew again! We went out to lunch with my cousin and her kids.

When we went to pick up my nephew, Fonzie jumped up. I think he thought we were going on a walk with dad. He seemed a little confused when we got in the car. He got kind of antsy when we were in the driveway waiting on my nephew. He really loves just looking at things. He perked up when he saw my nephew. I don't think he noticed that he got in the car. It took him a second to realize he was there (we were in the passenger seat and nephew was behind us) and he got happy when he noticed. This baby shouldn't be that cute.

I only did one set of the workout because it was late by the time I got around to it.

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 18, 2024
♡ 30 bridges, 30 clamshells, and 30 leg lifts
♡ Quick freestyle yoga

Took my dad for a walk again with Fonzie. Our neighbor was pulling into his driveway as we were leaving, so of course my dad had to stop to talk. It's a laundry day! I have stuff to do! But Fonzie got so excited to see our neighbor. He's always been friendly to strangers, but I've never seen him like this. When our neighbor started walking over to us, Fonzie stood up in my arms to try to get to him and he was whining. It was so hard to hold onto him. Our neighbor did pet him, but Fonzie wanted to get into his face. I didn't let him, so instead he turned to my dad and got in his face. This baby.

Stole some of my dad's rehab exercises. Did the bridges on the balance pods. All exercises done while watching Celebrity Ghost Stories.

 

[LizardFriend95]

October 22, 2024
♡ Short walk with mom and dad*
♡ 31 bridges, 31 clamshells (each side), and 31 leg lifts (each side)

*The walk isn't really a workout for me, but it is movement. Fonzie really enjoys this.

Got my mom to do my dad's rehab exercises. She did both sheets. I only stole three exercises to do.

 

[LizardFriend95]

November 17, 2024
♡ Darebee Wild & Free Workout, 3 Sets
♡ 8 Minutes Thigh Toner Workout

Been a little hard to find time for myself. I've gotten my dad to do the Baseline program. He did the first day a couple of days ago and then the second today. It wore him out but he says he really likes it. Mom is reluctant. She stopped walking with us because it was hard on her knee. We're trying to get our bikes up and running. We only have one adult tricycle, so the plan is for one to go with me and then the other goes right after. But we've got to get the tires aired up.

My therapist is leaving, so I'm going to be getting a new one. I met the new one for a split second last week. I was supposed to start with her this week, but her schedule was blocked, so I'm skipping this week and starting up the next. I'm kind of nervous about it.

We had some severe weather earlier this month. I'd been trying to pregame the Saturday before it was supposed to hit, but then tornado warnings went off at like 1 in the morning on Sunday. Twice. Because of that, I started my day on edge. Then Monday at 6 we had another one. Nothing ever touched down that time, thankfully, and we were all okay on both days, but the early warnings made it hard to calm myself down. Then we had a severe storm supposed to bring in the low possibility of tornadoes (thanks to the "low" possibility earlier this month, I can't even tell myself it's just a low possibility anymore, so yay) but thankfully the storm passed without anything more severe than strong winds. My cousin is about ready to jump ship now, though.

On November 6, my oldest cat (I don't even remember when I got him exactly, but he was around 18 years old) passed away.

The following day, his freaking daughter followed me into the garage while I was filling up the dog food dish and happened to find one of the mice that's been plaguing our garage for a while now. I heard some clanging for a couple seconds and then she was heading back into the house. I didn't see anything in her mouth, but after I was done I went up to my room to see. She was pawing around my shoes and I was saying please tell me you didn't. Sure enough, the freaking mouse came running out. She had caught it very quickly in the garage, and brought the freaking vermin up to my room. Alive. Alive! I was so mad at her! I never wanted to cuss out a cat so badly in my life! I understand the whole "giving gifts" thing. But aren't they usually dead? I didn't go back into my room until my brother came home and looked in my room.

On a lighter note, my brother is co-owner of a semi-pro (I believe this is what it is. I don't pay attention) wrestling company. One of our newscasters had done a story with them a few months ago, and he ended up training. Saturday, he wrestled in a match with some of his co-anchors cheering him on. One of them was recording on her phone, but she'd jump up and down, so I don't think her video ended up being very good. My brother said he ended up watching her instead of the match because she was really getting into it and he couldn't stop laughing. They talked about it on the news a little this morning. The guy wasn't there today because he was "a little sore." I'm a little disappointed the show was a little bit far out, because if it wasn't my mom and I would have gone. The whole thing is hilarious to us.

 

[FlowersandPetals]

Sorry about your cat.
Congrats to your brother getting on the news.

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

I am so sorry for the loss of your cat @LizardFriend95 .

 

[MadamMeow]

Sorry to hear about your cat, but I am glad you have 18 wonderful years of memories to hold on to.

 

[JCU]

I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[Mamatigerj]

 

[Fremen]

 

[TopNotch]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Sólveig]

So sorry about your kitty

 

[LizardFriend95]

@FlowersandPetals @Laura Rainbow Dragon @MadamMeow @JCU @Mamatigerj @Fremen @TopNotch @Sólveig Thank you all.

November 19, 2024
♡ Blogilates Lift Your Booty Workout 5 Moves to Your Fittest Butt
♡ Blogilates Ultimate Daily Stretching Routine for Flexibility and Relaxation

I'm trying to ease back into exercise. It's been a while since I took the time for myself. It's hard to find the time because of helping dad with his physical therapy, but that's another story. I'm trying to figure out how to help my back pain out because the challenge that helped me so well the first time actually hurts my back now. I've also got a back stretcher on Saturday and I've been using it for a few minutes each day since then. We'll see how things go.

I helped dad with his stretches and Day 3 of Baseline before I exercised. Then he came back into the room as I was getting ready to exercise to see what I was doing. Yes, dad, I fully believe you are going to get down on the floor and do a butt workout... Might make him do the stretch one I did, though. I did have him get on the balance board later. He gets so frustrated that he can't balance or when he can't touch his toes when he's stretching, even though I tell him over and over it's okay. I keep telling him he needs to go to therapy with me. I'm pretty sure he's where I got my issues from...

Grief comes in waves. It's easier now that my dad and brother aren't constantly asking how I'm doing. I don't mind them asking so much, but when I tell them I'm sad, it's followed up with "he's in a better place now" or the like. I'm aware of this. I spent the majority of the day he passed telling him it was okay for him to let go so he'd feel better. But it's still a process I have to go through, and it felt like they didn't want to let me have that. He's got a nice little solar powered headstone with a cat that lights up orange (his color), so every time I put my dogs out, I see that. He was the dad of three of my cats (I know, I have a full house) and my little Gator has his face shape (none of the babies look like their parents in color or coat texture) so I still see his face there. They've been extra cuddly during this time. Whether it's their own grief or them picking up on ours, I don't know. But it's nice regardless.

 

[FlowersandPetals]

I know the feeling after losing a pet. We've had several cats that have since passed away. Take your time. And yes, other pets do grieve. It’s totally normal. You go at your own pace and please don’t worry about what others think because everyone deals with death in their own way.

 

[Laura Rainbow Dragon]

I got similar reactions from my father when my dogs died.

The day after Kendal died, he was doing something noisy, and my mother shushed him, saying, "You'll wake up Kendal." And he got all concerned that she was losing her mind, when clearly it was just a slip of the tongue. She was thinking about Kendal because we'd literally just said goodbye to her the day before!

Then after Trudy died, I said something about her (not in confusion, I was acknowledging that she was gone and that I missed her), and my father got all concerned about that. His comments made me angry at first. But I talked to him about them. It turns out he just had a different perspective. He worried that grief was something that would cause a person to shut down.

For me it isn't that at all. I will miss Trudy and Kendal and my childhood dog Sheba for the rest of my life. They were extremely important parts of my life, and I will never stop grieving their loss. This doesn't mean that I stop living or that I don't enjoy the life I have now without them. (Quite the opposite! For me to refuse to enjoy my life now, after everything those dogs did for me to try to help me to be happy would be dishonouring them. I would never do that!)

It's just different perspectives. For my father, it was important to shut down his grief. (I suspect this was largely caused by the way our society socializes male humans to believe they need to be "tough", and I suspect that isn't healthy. But it was his way, and I needed to honour it.) For me, it is important to embrace my grief, to feel it fully, and to live--most of the time joyfully--with it.

So please: feel what you need to feel. Process the loss of your cat in whatever way you need to. If your father and brother are getting in the way of that, try to keep some distance, and understand that they're doing what they need to do too and likely just don't understand that you need something different.

 

[LizardFriend95]

@FlowersandPetals My other cats never really interacted with him much. The babies would play with his tail on rare occasions, and mama kitty would slap him, but other than that he was pretty much a loner when it came to the other cats. I have no doubt they're affected by his loss, but I don't know how much of their reactions are "hey, he's gone" or "my people are sad." But I do know it's normal for fur babies to feel it, too. I did tell my dad after, because he's the one most likely to get irritated with our pets, that they might be agitated the next few days (something that happened when one of our dogs passed a few years ago) because of the change. Especially since they never knew life without him. My mom's dog, our oldest pet after my cat, was even watching calmly over my cat as he passed. I know he knew what was going on.

It was something my dad and brother only did the first two days. I did tell them that I know he's better now and that my grief was still a process I had to go through.

 

[LizardFriend95]

@Laura Rainbow Dragon One of our dogs passed a few years ago when she was only two. My dad was torn up about it (we all were), and he kept pressing me to make a headstone for her because I said I could do it. I had to tell him that I needed a couple of days because making that would have been too hard at that moment. When we got our youngest dog, most of our family ended up constantly calling her by the previous dog's name accidentally. There were years in between the two and we say her name like we'd never stopped.

I actually had a moment the other day when my mom said we had all but one of the cats in the room with us, and I was getting ready to say "all but two" when I realized.

Thankfully they only did that the first two days, but I did tell them that I knew he was better and that it was still a process I had to go through.

 

[LizardFriend95]

November 21, 2024

Mental health day. Somehow yesterday's lower body workout made me sore all over.

My family is really testing me. My dad gets himself so stressed over little things and takes his frustration out on everyone else. Aunt also takes her frustration out on others, too. Dad and aunt were arguing like cats and dogs, then we went out to eat like nothing was wrong. Me, I was tired of all the crap, but since I suggested the restaurant this week, I felt I had no choice but to go.

Also pissed my other aunt off earlier in the day because we caught a mouse and she threw in it the trash inside the house. I said we shouldn't do that and she took out the trash mumbling under her breath that I should grow up or something along those lines. Literally not the only one in this house who needs to do that, but thank you, auntie. And no one told her to take the trash out anyway.

Coloring, The Masked Singer, and The Floor only helped my mood a little bit. I'm just tired.