The tra1n1ng journal cont1nues

f1shie

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Honeybee from 'MURRCA
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Happy New Year, buddy!

583 - Some flexes and also walking with the bestie! We be doin' shoppin'. I PROMISE I WAS RATIONAL IN MOST OF MY PURCHASES. Looking at the monthly thing, Guardian... I'll double up tomorrow when I get home. It's MADE FOR ME.

Good thing - Spending time with Char is time well spent.
 

f1shie

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Honeybee from 'MURRCA
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Okay everyone! So instead of a New Years Resolution, I'm gonna do monthly goals. Right now I am... 214 pounds. I admit, I did eat a lot this weekend with the bestie. But I'm gonna do a goal of dropping at or lower (hopefully lower) than 210 by the end of the month. But if I beat myself up for not meeting my goal, stop me. It won't be helpful if I do that.

584 - Did days 1 and 2 of The Guardian, had to do 50 punches with that. Man, did someone on Darebee dot com look at my journal and tailor fit something for me? C'moooon, don't be shy. Chest and back light, hiker level 3, 3 minute flex hold.

Good thing - Made it home safely. Time to go to bed early. Goodnight everyone. I love you.
 

f1shie

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Honeybee from 'MURRCA
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585 - 3 minutes of clench/unclenches, Guardsman day 3 with an all clear, chest and back light, hiker level 3.

Good thing - COWORKER BROUGHT IN HER DOGGO YAAAAAY. There's nothing like when a shy doggo is like "oh, this hooman is okay" and lets you pat them. I was BLESSED.
 

f1shie

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587 - Chest and back light, 3 minute clench/unclench, guardian day 5 with all clear, arms and shoulders level 1, 2 minutes of side to side steps, 2 minutes of calf raises. Woohoo!

Good thing - I said I wanted Taco Bell (mostly as a joke) in the department chat. I'm the only one in my department in the state. So my departmentmates from ANOTHER state proceeded to have Taco Bell delivered to me. Will this help me lose weight? No. Did this make me incredibly happy because my brain has been sad lately? Absolutely! I've felt so down about my performance at work and my general depression so this is like... A blessing. I love people.
 

f1shie

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Ahaha... ha. So before I begin this, I'm gonna say I ain't doing well today. tl;dr, I'm not working 40 hours a week, it's 24 now due to the housing market. That is a 2/5th pay cut. I can work from home now, but I'm gonna just... Look for something new. My depression is absolutely wrecking me now, money was already tight. I can get through it, but... It's gonna be a lot. I just want to be held for a very, very long time. Perhaps I can return to full time in April but ahahaha nah, maybe this is a sign I gotta gtfo

588 - 3 minute flex hold, Guardsman day 6 with an all clear. I'm not feeling it today.

Good thing - At least I had good curry noodles today.
 

OJJJEM

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Mother of Dragons Posts: 566
I love how your depression didn't stop you from finding at least ONE good thing today, and how you continue to strive to find that one good thing every day. Appreciating our kind realities truly softens the blow of our harsher ones.
 

f1shie

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@OJJJEM @lofivelcro Yeah <3 And I'm glad to have all y'all, despite everything happening. Having you lovely people as a consistency warms my heart. I hope you're all having a good day.

589 - Guardsman day 7 with all clear, clench/unclench for three minutes, and... I feel like I did something else but I can't remember.

Good thing - My GOD did I need Stardew Valley tonight with the homies.
 

f1shie

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590 - Guardsman day 8 with 50 punches, flex hold for 3 minutes, chest and back light.

Good thing - Alright, tomorrow's gonna be weird, no work. But I do have some other stuff to look forward to at least. I'm considering this my training arc. I'm poking around job sites and I guess I oughta learn more about metadata. Any of y'all know of an idiots guide to it?
 

OJJJEM

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Mother of Dragons Posts: 566
I just simply did an online book search for "metadata"... Turned up a few things... There's also apparently a "Meta Data for Dummies" online course...
 

f1shie

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592 - Chest and back light, 3 minute flex hold, guardian day 10 with all clear I NEED GOBLINS TO PUNCH DOES ANYONE HAVE A GOBLIN PROBLEM

Good thing - I made the best nachos today. When I was in New Hampshire I treated myself and got a jar of fire roasted salsa and lemme tell ya, it was amazing. Sure, not the healthiest for me, but I do want to up my spice tolerance so I can eat more types of food (some of which may be good for me lmao).
 

f1shie

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All is not well I fricked up at work lmfao. I'm not fired but it's a clusterfrick that's gonna need to be solved. Basically like, I missed some documents in July and now there's a subdivision issue. It's on me, my bad. But damn. I think that's my first beeg work screw up. But it's like. Beeg. And it's gonna be a lot of work to fix it. ahasdladklj;asd;lkjasd;lkdsajdsalkjdsaljk

594 - Chest and back light, 3 minute flex hold, guardian day 12 AND ALRIGHT I'LL PUNCH 200 GOBLINS WHAT THE HELL LET'S GO.

Good thing - Well the lady at Dunkin' Donuts recognized I was upset so I got a free donut and hot cocoa. I hope to pay that forward some day.
 

lofivelcro

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Hunter from the sticks
Posts: 593
"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
Eyy, frick up workers unite *high fives* somewhat similar happened to me at the start of the year, too, but at least I'm self-employed. Mistakes happen. Don't beat yourself up over it more than you've probably already done. We'll do better next time.
:hug:
 

f1shie

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@lofivelcro Luckily I got an email from my boss saying that it turns out the town was wrong but I still needed to be careful. I think I lost several pounds from the sigh of relief I had. You doing okay buddy?

595 - Usuals + day 13 and 100 GOBLINS PUNCHED

Good thing - As said above, boss said it was good. However something I'm proud of is that I took responsibility. Lately I've been afraid of turning into my abuser, letting my anger consume me so deeply that I become a monster. She would often apologize for things but she never tried to get better, which means she's not responsible. I'm glad I am not turning into her.
 

f1shie

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@lofivelcro RESPONSIBILITY BUDDIESSSSS

596 - Usuals, all clear, day 14.

Good thing - There was a memorial today on Wurm for the guy that passed on Christmas Eve. Lots of crying and memories were had. I got to build some hella cool boats to remember him with, he friggin' loved making boats. I hope he's doing okay, wherever he is.
 

f1shie

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Honeybee from 'MURRCA
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597 - Usuals, all clear, day 15.

Good thing - Stardew night! And I went to get some yarn balled up into, well, balls, at a local yarn shop since ya girl can't work with hanks lmfao. Time to make more baby socks. How are y'all doing? Having a good day?
 

f1shie

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600 - OH BABY WE GOT TO SIX HUNDRED. WHAT DID WE DO? Guardian day 18 with 100 gobbos wrecked, chest and back light, 3 minute clench/unclench, and no wrong answers level 3!

Good thing - SIX HUNDY DAYS THO! I couldn't have done it without y'all. I hope to do for you guys what you've done to me. I hope you all know I love you all dearly, for sticking with me despite my (numerous) setbacks and... Not often commenting on much else. I'm socially anxious what can I say lmfao.

But thank you all so much. I love you.
 

f1shie

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603 - Cleaned off my car (took like ten minutes, so much snow) which was a full body workout tbh, chest and back light, 3 minute flex hold, guardian day 21 with all clear.

Good thing - Okay so I know I'm trying to get under 210 by the end of the month and rn I'm 210 and a half. Now. Tonight I made that harder, but it was worth it. My coworker used to work at restaurants and she gave me an alfredo recipe and... I had to try it. And I'm being DEMANDED by my family to make it again. I put in spinach and shrimp in it so hey, iron and protein at least! But dude it turned out so well. Sure, unhealthy, but I learned how to sautee garlic in butter! +1 COOKING KNOWLEDGE!
 

f1shie

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606 - I just walked today in town.

Short post. Cooper had a seizure. We are on our way to the emergency vet now. This has never happened before.

If you pray, please pray for my dog. He’s only seven. He’s acting nervous in the car but otherwise normal. I’ll keep you updated. I love you.

Update a few hours later - His blood work is normal. He is coming home and we are gonna monitor him. I’m going to bed as soon as I get home. God am I happy I didn’t get selected for jury duty today holy crap
 
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f1shie

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Honeybee from 'MURRCA
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@lofivelcro His behavior and whatnot is unchanged. It's like it never happened. However it's still freaky. I'm a naturally paranoid person and I just, dunno what to do. I've never had this happen before. Or... Well, I mean, I've had pets with medical issues we've had to go to the emergency vet for. I'm not doing great so I'm gonna go to bed early.

If anyone has had experiences with doggos having seizures, let me know. Cooper's seven and it's unusual for them to start having them at that age. He's a hot mess of medical issues already (arthritis, a heart murmur related to anxiety we think, allergies...) and I'm absolutely terrified.

If I may be honest, part of my terror is from a friend of mine passing in 2017 from a grand mal seizure in his sleep. I know that such a thing happening is a super freak accident, especially since he was so young (only in his mid twenties). But that is my experience. I do have another friend with epilepsy but every time I think of her I can't help but be afraid of the same thing happening to her.

607 - Guardian day 24, all clear, and did a 3 minute flex hold. That's all, but it's okay. It'll be okay.

Good thing - Cooper is here. He's happy. I forgot to set my alarm and I woke up on time to sign in for work at his barking. I pray this continues, with him being normal.
 

lofivelcro

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"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
I keep my fingers crossed that Cooper won't have more issues. I don't have any experiences about dogs with seizures to share, nor do I have any ideas what makes them happen. I'll just sit here, and hope for the best and that you two will be doing fine.
 

f1shie

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@lofivelcro You are a sweetheart, I hope you are aware.

608 - Just did Guardian days 26/27, all clear.

Good thing - No seizures today, got some assurance from a buddy's mom who does shelter rescue stuff that Cooper's prolly gonna be okay. Gonna go to bed early (well, for me) tonight. I love you all.
 

lofivelcro

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Hunter from the sticks
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"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
You're a good person yourself and have already come a long way. I hope you know that, too. I'm glad if I can be of a little support in your journey.
Boop the Coop from me, would you?
 

f1shie

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@lofivelcro I gave him SO MANY BOOPS. No seizures today though he did run into a chair that we had to move. It was... A moment. He's okay. But what the Hell Cooper lmao

ily buddy

609 - Not much today because I do not feel well, don't worry, it's my stomach and anxiety I just figured fifteen minutes of march steps would not be helpful so I'll do that tomorrow. Just did 3 minutes clench/unclench and chest and back light.

3 - Meditated three minutes

Good thing - YEP, OKAY, SO THAT 3. For the past three days I've meditated for three minutes. I'm gonna see if I can get a meditation streak going. I've been watching more of Nick Keomahavong's videos and he emphasizes how meditation can help with neutral observation... And I tend to freak out at every little thing. So we're gonna do that. We're gonna try and do a streak. For how long? Who knows!
 

f1shie

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611 - Just did guardian day 29. Not doing the best mentally today. I’m gonna ask for advice in a sec.

5 - Meditated for three minutes.

Good thing - Because I didn’t have the best day I basically fricked off and played Ghost of Tsushima for like. Four? Five hours? It felt GREAT.

So… Advice. I may have asked this on my old journal, not sure, can’t remember but - do you guys have any experience in gently suggesting someone get therapy? Someone close who is part of a generational group resistant to the idea of therapy? Someone I love dearly really could use someone professional but she’s just… The type to say “I’ll do it myself” and then it doesn’t happen or it happens very poorly.
 

lofivelcro

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Hunter from the sticks
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"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
*raises hand*
I belong to the type of people who don't believe in therapy, mostly because of stubbornness and the thought that mental issues don't apply to me. Technically, I know they are a thing, but they don't happen to me. I also strongly believe that I can fix almost everything myself. I guess grabbing the person in question by the neck and dragging her to the doctor's isn't really advice, but sometimes does the trick for me, although only temporarily, because, see above, I don't believe in that stuff when it comes to my person. If the person close to you is the same, I.... don't know. Really. Maybe subtly manipulating her so that she thinks its her own idea would be a possible path, but probably not very promising. The worry angle could help. I usually get off my butt if someone close to me cranks up the emotional blackmail in the vein of "I'm worried about you, so if you don't do it for yourself, do it for me, because I can't stop worrying" to explain it in a very, very basic way.
How would the person in question act if your roles were reversed?
 

f1shie

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@lofivelcro The worry angle may be the best for right now. This person knows I go to therapy, she’s fine with me going to therapy, but she’s apparently a rules for thee and not for me type of person. Her life has always been… difficult. And she hasn’t always had a great support system. I wonder if she’s afraid of the therapist failing.

She’s probably afraid of many things along with it, but sometimes there are bad therapists. I’ve just been lucky.

Thank you, dear. You’re giving me a lot to think about.

612 - Final day of guardian. I had an all clear but practiced punching 100 goblins just in case. Chest and back light. And cuddling Cooper, who loves you.

6 - Meditated for three minutes before replying to this. I think it helped give me clarity.

Good thing - Yeah I’m still on Ghost of Tsushima. I could do a routine with it. Maybe clench/unclenches every time I do a stand-off? Hmm. I will take suggestions.
 
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